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funny you posted this - they were discussing this very thing on the radio this morning, and it was REALLY interesting... One of the hosts is gay and was saying that there is no 'woman' in their relationship, however they do tend to take on more dominant and submissive roles. I think THAT is a more appropriate terminology - dominant and submissive... BUT I think that that is the case in ALL relationships, friendships, family etc etc...
I hate that comparison, too! Sorry you have to deal with ignorant people! People just want to live in their comfortable bubble, and labeling things that make no sense, that makes them uncomfortable, for their needs. Blah.
i cant even say one of us is more dominant in our relationship. i think i lean more towards "provider/caretaker" roles... she works and puts the figurative bread on the table but i cook and put the literal bread on the table. i dress and feed the kid. but i also fix the fence and wear the boxer briefs. i have the short hair and she wears the dresses. so in some respects im more butch, i'd be the "guy" except i'm the one coddling the kid and decorating the cake. you just can't really compare.