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I was told by a couple of the nurses on the ward it might be a good idea to join forums for Ectopic pregnancies. I'm not much of a share-my-problems-with-others (other than my husband and mom) kind of person, but the more this nightmare drags on, the harder it feels coping with it. We only found out two weeks ago yesterday that I was pregnant. My husband and I were so excited, then a couple of hours later I started bleeding. My girlfriends, who were with me at the time, told me that bleeding is common in pregnancy, but I just wasn't going for it. Over the next week, the bleeding picked up and was heavier than a period with clotting, so I assumed I was miscarrying and was told by my GP to go to A&E. I did and they confirmed that my HcG level indicated a pregnancy, but was very low. Anyway, I had to come back to the hospital over the next week every two days to have my levels tested. They were rising, slowly, but rising. I was super super confused and scared as to what the hell was going on with me. So, a week and a half after my visit to A&E, I was admitted to hospital after a scan revealed NOTHING! but my levels tripled. I really felt like a circus side show freak, still do really. Anyway, after another scan early last Thursday morning revealed NOTHING yet again, the consultant talked to me about the methotrexate treatment.
Later, finally, that evening I went into a treatment room to get the methotrexate injections, but for some reason, maybe it was a buildup of over the past couple of weeks and/or her telling me that it's used for cancer treatment, I broke down in front of the registrar. She made me feel marginally better, but not really... Three injections of this stuff and a flood of tears later, I sat on my hospital bed alongside my husband and waited for them to let me go home feeling numb and exhausted as all get out.
The next day I was soooo ill... and the day after that... ill. That stuff is harsh in three injections, never mind a full course of it. Anyway, you are supposed to have your bloods done again on day 4 and 7 after this methotrexate treatment. I went today to have my blood taken and had a panic attack because I have absolutely had it with people trying to get blood out of me and the sight of yet another needle sent me off. I went home and waited for the results, only to be told my HcG levels have gone up.... again. So, I'm told that it "should" lower by day 7. If not, I get another round of methotrexate. Yay. If that doesn't work, I go the surgery route.
I can't even begin to say what an emotional nightmare I have been through. I'm living in England and haven't been home in two years and am due to go home in late October. I'm so terrified I wont get to go home. I'm scared to death of getting pregnant again, never mind having sex again. I'm scared to even acknowledging my abdominal area, as crazy as that sounds. I'm not a take medicine kind of person either, so it really bothers me that this drug is floating around in my body for the next 3 months... I'm just so ######ed depressed about this whole thing. I can't see an end in sight right now with this mess and is frustrating me even more.
My husband and I have a totally awesome little boy who I adore more than anything in this world. We both feel like we have tons of love to give, so we wanted to expand our little family. I just feel ashamed and greedy for wanting more children... I feel embarrassment, loss, grief... etc. Then when I over rationalize and put things into perspective, I feel ashamed for being so upset about this minute situation, because so many people have harsher, more serious... life threatening situations... I'm in a perpetual kick myself in the bum spiral...
When is it gonna end??? Totally rhetorical, I know...
I am so sorry that you've gone through this experience - and are still going through it.
I had an ectopic pregnancy last year - my story is on this board somewhere if you want to read in more detail, but basically I got the positive test, then the next day my 'period' arrived, so I assumed I'd had an early m/c - about 10 days later I did a pregnancy test which was positive... I had about 16 days of going back and forwards to doctors & radiographers & the hospital, and eventually they determined that I had an ectopic pregnancy, because my hcg levels were rising, even though 3 scans during that time showed an empty uterus & empty fallopian tubes....... I had surgery for my ectopic (because I was so far along) (8w0d, which is supposed to be a dangerous point for an ectopic to get to) & ended up having my right fallopian tube removed as well...
If you ever want to talk, please feel free to private message me