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  #1  
April 27th, 2008, 01:54 AM
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... gotten into the discussion. On one of my other message boards the homeschooling topic came up. This board consists of friends I have known IRL for a long time. One in particular really doesn't like homeschooling and is an administrator. She used to have really uncalled for arguments with me on the subject. When people would ask me honest and sincere questions about it and she was around she would put me down and mock me. She didn't just give her opinion on it, she was downright obnoxious! I called her on it and we have agreed to disagree and not talk about it together. So when this subject came up I thought "Don't get involved, don't do it!" But I did. There were other moms who were showing true interest in it and other moms were saying the same old crap they always do about weird homeschoolers, being sheltered, why would you ever want to do that, blah, blah. I really tried to be nice and considerate, but also clarify some of what they were saying that was rude. And of course, the "friend" puts on her admin. hat and tells us to be respectful and stop being defensive just because most people don't agree. In short she meant me and I could tell. It BUGS me that she did that because she didn't point out the rude things the other moms were saying and made me look like the jerk. And the one of the inquiring moms suddenly was like "yeah, I don't know if I really want to do it. It is just something I was thinking about. I bet my mind will change when the time comes anyway." So I have been trying to pick up the pieces and restate that I think it is a personal choice and not for everyone, which I said in the beginning. I shouldn't get so defensive sometimes when the comments are so rude. They don't realize how attacking it feels. At least I just give my opinion of the system, they tell me I am a weirdo. In short, I should have just stayed out of it unless called on... ugh! I constantly have to learn the patience and prudent lesson.
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  #2  
April 27th, 2008, 05:28 AM
Butter's Avatar Heather the Mama Duk
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Don't you just love it when people who know you were homeschooled say that homeschoolers are all weird? Whenever people do that I just kind of go "are you even listening to yourself?!?!" They're usually just regurgitating what the masses say and when pressed most can't come up with even a single odd homeschooler that they know. Fact is, I have found there are a lot of us (grown-up former homeschoolers) in the world. I've run into many. And every one of them is perfectly "normal." The only reason I find out they were homeschooled is because my own kids are and if they ask why I tell them it is because I was homeschooled and loved it and then they tell me they were homeschooled, too. It's not like people grow up and introduce themselves saying "Hi, I'm Heather, formerly homeschooled." That would be weird. So most people have no clue just how normal homeschoolers usually are.

Sorry they were so hurtful and rude. Most people are the most defensive of that which they are not secure about.
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  #3  
April 27th, 2008, 06:59 AM
Farmers-wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I went to public school all my life. I can assure you, there were plenty of weird, odd kids there. As a grown up, I really think those kids would have been better off at home where the rest of us vultures wouldn't have attacked them so meanly. On my other message board the homeschool subject comes up. I usually just remind them of all the other people they have complained about in other threads were all public schooled! One was particularly funny. A guy started a thread to complain and vent about coworkers. So I just pulled a couple of examples from that thread in my retort and showed how weird public schoolers are. The one I am most proud of goes like this: Vent- "oh you obnoxious fat cows who go running to the break room when someone leaves free leftover nasty food, you sound like a herd of elephants". My example: "fat herd running to the break room for nasty food- public schooled!" I got "good posting" and "lmao" icons for that one!

IMO, you can toughen up and point out the idiocy or stay out of it. Don't get emotionally involved because that will bring you down. You are stronger than that!
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  #4  
April 27th, 2008, 08:26 AM
illinoismommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Part of it might be that they felt defensive as well. When you talk too passionately about homeschool as opposed to public school, people who have chosen public school will feel naturally angry because their children are in the public school and they were public schooled, and it just can't be true!! It really takes time and willingness to be deprogrammed from the public school mindset.
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"In the first place, whether you choose or no to take any trouble about the formation of his habits, it is habit, all the same, which will govern ninety-nine one-hundredths of the child's life. We are all mere creatures of habit. We think our accustomed thoughts, make our usual small talk, go through the trivial round, the common task, without any self-determining effort of will at all." -Charlotte Mason
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  #5  
April 27th, 2008, 02:55 PM
joandsarah77's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ugg, you really don't need that. And these are people you know in real life? I wouldn't expend my energy on them. If people can not at least to agree to disagree respectfully then they are not your friends.
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  #6  
April 27th, 2008, 03:23 PM
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[quote]Ugg, you really don't need that. And these are people you know in real life? I wouldn't expend my energy on them. If people can not at least to agree to disagree respectfully then they are not your friends. [quote]

Not all of them are real life friends. Only 4 are. One is the administrator who is the rude one when it comes to homeschool. The others are really considerate and one of them is actually planning to homeschool and I think that bothers the admin. friend. But yeah, our DH's were best friends growing up and we got married around the same time and met in college. However, we actually don't see each other much any more because we agree on nothing and it is awkward. If we talk about our past histories together, that is safe ground, anything beyond that we try and avoid, but the other girls are wonderful and awesome, so that is why I stay on the board.
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  #7  
April 27th, 2008, 03:52 PM
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The one I love is how everyone gets on and says that their school is the exception...well, not every school can be the exception, KWIM? I get that all the time. I say we're homeschooling and everyone immediately comes to the defensive about how their school is really great, the best in the district, or how their DC has the most wonderful teacher, how the children have educational experiences that no parent could duplicate, yada yada. I'm just like WHAT ever. I never said anything bad about you or your child. I'm just saying what we do. What is so bad about that??

Grrrr!! I'm getting mad for you! I've had supposed friends IRL say some pretty hurtful things about homeschooling and you know what? Later they proved not to be such a good friend.
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  #8  
April 27th, 2008, 04:01 PM
illinoismommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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This is why I have trouble saying why we homeschool.... I don't want my answer to put people on the defensive and make an awkward conversation.... like such:

"why are you homeschooling?"
"because homeschooled kids are academically and socially ahead, I don't believe in the cesspool of peer orientation that happens in public schools, I don't want to put my kids under the authority of some random adult who has way too many students to watch as it is, because I don't want my kids to have to sit there all day and then come home and do tedious boring seatwork after that..."

Pick any of those reasons and suddenly the person has to defend their choice
"Our school is so great academically and socially"
"I believe kids need to be with other kids their own age all day long, that's how *I* was raised..."

etc.
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Married for 9.5 years.
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Baby expected January 2nd, 2010!




"In the first place, whether you choose or no to take any trouble about the formation of his habits, it is habit, all the same, which will govern ninety-nine one-hundredths of the child's life. We are all mere creatures of habit. We think our accustomed thoughts, make our usual small talk, go through the trivial round, the common task, without any self-determining effort of will at all." -Charlotte Mason
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  #9  
April 27th, 2008, 04:23 PM
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Oh, yes. I hear all of that too. I don't like to immediately say we homeschool either, but often I get questions like "Where did you go to high school?" Who cares? Then I do tell them honestly because I am proud of it, but if I don't have to, I try to avoid the conversation all together. And I also hear "My kid's school is the best." I also hear, "Things like that don't happen in OUR state." Like it matters from state to state really, it's all the same system. I have had friends though say not the greatest things and the next time I see them- they are homeschooling. It has happened 4 times now. And the "friend" just barely said on the board that she realizes she is getting blindly defensive after talking to her DH. Good for him. lol And she said she admits she doesn't want to look into the problems of public school because she is scared. She would rather be optimistic about it. That's fine, just don't tear me down in the process. People want to know why I do and if they really want to know, I will tell them, but inevitably other non-supporters hear it and get defensive about it. Such a hard thing to deal with sometimes.
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  #10  
April 27th, 2008, 04:31 PM
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Sorry you had that problem. I sometimes regret talking about it and wish people wouldn't ask unless they are truly interested. Then again when we speak up, some people might actually learn something about it- and that's always a good thing.
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  #11  
April 27th, 2008, 04:43 PM
joandsarah77's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
"because homeschooled kids are academically and socially ahead, I don't believe in the cesspool of peer orientation that happens in public schools, I don't want to put my kids under the authority of some random adult who has way too many students to watch as it is, because I don't want my kids to have to sit there all day and then come home and do tedious boring seatwork after that..."[/b]
Lol yes I think that, but that would not be the answer I would give. Something more along the lines of "We like it and it works for us!"
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  #12  
April 27th, 2008, 07:03 PM
seg79's Avatar Super Mommy
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I was in public school my entire life...it sucked....I was the kid that fell through the cracks. I am so add...lol.....i read what the teacher put on my report cards....I still struggle with self esteem issues.....on my report cards it always said .....Sarah is a disruption, Sarah talks too much, Sarah is a disciplinary problem....nooooo I wasn't. But I believed it for so long that I shut down. I also didn't learn alot of my major math courses until I was in 11th grade where the most wonderful teacher finally took the time to teach me. There is something seriously wrong with the public school system when they allow things like that. I refuse to let that happen with my children. My son was tested for the gifted program this year....he didn't make it in..by like a couple of points...I'm honestly glad that he couldn't read at that time because not only did they send one letter home, but they sent two....lets just rub it in their face huh.......Yes, it's a personal choice and many can't homeschool.....but if you can.....why not. I honestly think its a defense mechanism when they are degrading you for it though.
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  #13  
April 27th, 2008, 08:03 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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I'm so sorry that they were like that. We get one of two responces:
Positive: "That's great", "I was going to as what school he went to", "That explains (insert comment)", things like that
Negitive: "Oh" stop talking, walk away, or change of subject immediatly.

We always tell anyone when they ask what grade he's in, if he's starting K, who his teacher is....
The sad thing is if anyone asks him a question that he wants to tell them he's homeschooled he looks at me because he still wants them to be his friend.

On a side note: all the kids have told him he's lucky


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  #14  
April 27th, 2008, 08:07 PM
illinoismommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE
Quote:
"because homeschooled kids are academically and socially ahead, I don't believe in the cesspool of peer orientation that happens in public schools, I don't want to put my kids under the authority of some random adult who has way too many students to watch as it is, because I don't want my kids to have to sit there all day and then come home and do tedious boring seatwork after that..."[/b]
Lol yes I think that, but that would not be the answer I would give. Something more along the lines of "We like it and it works for us!"
[/b][/quote]

That's a good one!

Actually when it comes up so far I usually sit there with this dumb look on my face for a minute and then and say something like "the more I've looked into it, the more it seems like the right thing for our family...."

Yeah i would never actually SAY any of the above answers unless I wanted a lot of enemies
__________________
Married for 9.5 years.
Homeschooling SAHM to my quirky little beings:
D (5 yrs), M (2.5), E (15 months).
Baby expected January 2nd, 2010!




"In the first place, whether you choose or no to take any trouble about the formation of his habits, it is habit, all the same, which will govern ninety-nine one-hundredths of the child's life. We are all mere creatures of habit. We think our accustomed thoughts, make our usual small talk, go through the trivial round, the common task, without any self-determining effort of will at all." -Charlotte Mason
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  #15  
April 28th, 2008, 06:01 AM
KarateMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Things like that don't happen in OUR state[/b]
You know, one of the reasons I ALWAYS give when people ask why we choose to homeschool is that, in every situation we've had here in America like the Columbine or the Jonesboro school shootings, there has probably been someone who has said, "We never thought that something like this would happen at OUR school!" And you know what? If my child isn't present at that school, then I won't be the one on the news saying that. Call me overprotective if you want, but my child is safer in my home. (Not that I'm saying anyone here would say that... )
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  #16  
April 28th, 2008, 08:16 AM
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Oh, it's really annoying and hurtful when people take that position!

DH was public schooled right through, and I was homeschooled right through, and people consider me to be much less "weird" than he is. I think if we were to ask people who DON'T know that one of us was homeschooled, they would probably pick him as the homeschoolee because he is "weirder" than I am. I'm not exactly sure how his kind of weird is, but it just is weird. Actually, I don't think my SIL has yet figured out that I was homeschooled from K right through 12, lol! She still thinks that homeschooling only works up to MAYBE grade two or three! After that, according to her, academics are inferior, you can't possibly become successful, and you definitely won't be able to get a highschool equivalent education or into a college. All of which I did... she's a little insulting on a regular basis, especially after deciding that I'm homeschooling her kids this year. :-/
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  #17  
April 28th, 2008, 09:08 AM
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It's so sad when people are so unsupportive or rude. I think it has been said that people are the most defensive about things they are the most insecure about. It's just sad that as people we are so argumentative and unsupportive. I wish that the people as a whole were just more loving. I guess in a perfect world.

My favorite negative comment I have gotten so far is, "You're not going to do that to your kids, are you?" I just said Yep I am. I know I'm doing them such an awful injustice by wanting them to have a quality education and LOVE.
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  #18  
May 12th, 2008, 12:36 PM
MissyPrincessEha's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Wow...I am so sorry you have to put up with that crap.

I have weeded out those people in my life. WE must be confident and happy with our choice.
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  #19  
May 13th, 2008, 07:12 AM
Shery's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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When I pulled mine out of school, the lower elementary principal was really mean. Her main argument, besides that this would make their school look bad, was that her daughters all went to public school and turned out fine. I didn't say, but wanted to, that her daughters aren't my concern and that I want better for my children than just "fine". Everyone else was great, but she was so mad. I think it was because "her" school was losing three great students!!! I brushed her off and went on...that's all you can do. It hurts when someone makes ugly comments, especially friends...I know. I'm sorry you were done that way!!!
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  #20  
May 13th, 2008, 11:53 AM
seg79's Avatar Super Mommy
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well you know....the way i see it is that no one should be penalized for the choice in schooling and as long as your are being a great parent thats what counts, as long as you are involved and building those foundations for your children. You can send your children to public school...but be involved, get things changed that you don't dont like..I have. Women, especially moms have to go through so much as it is...i dont understand why we have to pick each other apart for the things that work for our households...ya know.....you have to do what works in YOUR family and no one should be razzed for it. I'm sorry....this is not geared towards any of you....lol....it's just something I feel sooooo passionately about....women/moms have got to be supportive of each other and help each other not tear down.....sigh.......
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