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  #1  
August 17th, 2006, 07:12 AM
Shery's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,696
I am really in the middle of a complicated issue . No, it doesn't involve homeschooling, but it does affect my family.
It's the neighbors.
We have lived together for around 5 years and have just now had our first arguments...two within a month's time. There are many issues here. One is the fact that her son is like a part of our family. You can see him all over my Blog pages....his name is Josh. He has practically been raised here at our home for the past few years. There have been no problems because he is like one of my own. However, recently, they have started to play more at his house. Well, this became a problem because Josh isn't the same little boy at home as he is here. He ALWAYS gets his way no matter what the circumstance is. My kids got to where they didn't want to go over there. Finally, they told him why. He came to me and told me what they said and I asked him if it were true. He said yes. I talked to him about it and things seemed to have gotten better. However, he is still who he is with his parents. He was so bad at his birthday party that nearly every child there got their feelings hurt. Not one time, was Josh made to behave or say he was sorry for the things that he did. Well, the next day, something happened at his house while Madison and another friend was there. Basically, they did a little counting thing...like ink pink...to see who would be "it" for hide and seek first. Well, Josh was chosen. He stomped off to the couch and threw a fit...refused to find them. Well, Madison and the other kids GOT IN TROUBLE and was made to apologize to him. Long story short...when I found out Madison's side of it, I let them know and there was a big argument. Now, Josh has admitted to lying to his mom about why he was upset..he had told her that he had been it over and over when in fact it was their first time to play.....and she still won't apologize to Madison for getting on to her or make Josh apologize. She insists that she did nothing wrong.
I have put up with a lot in the past becasue I love Josh and he is like part of the family, but I can't keep subjecting my kids to that. I don't mind him here playing at all, because he is not like that here, but I just can't send them back over there as long as they don't see where there is a problem. They actually have two more sets of friends who won't let their kids come over either, so it isn't just us.
Okay, add to that the fact that I have found out that they are doing drugs. I knew that Cathy, Josh's mom, was hooked on pain pills because she has a lot of back trouble and has to have them even when her back is okay. However, I am finding out now that they are getting them illegially and so are the friends that come over there. I already knew that her cousin, who is sometimes there, is on Meth....SCARY. Well, I have recently found out that Cathy has, in the last couple of months, done cocaine and meth. OKAY!!!!!! That is even a huger issue to me than the above problem. I cannot let my kids form bonds with adults that are taking that stuff. I worry to death about Josh because so far, everyone in that family falls into that. I also worry that if my kids have a close relationship to him that he could one day pull them in. But mostly, I worry about the adults doing it now. Madison thinks a lot of Cathy...repects her. That is scary .
So...we haven't been around them for a few days. I have tried to put some distance there. I miss Josh, but I don't know what else to do. Here's the hard part....Carter came to me crying at bedtime because he misses Josh. It breaks my heart. I just don't know what to do. I DONT KNOW what to do. There are so many issues involved here. I wish that we would have never gotten close to them, but then I am glad we did because I love Cathy and feel like Josh is one of us. He is an only child.
They are not hurting anyone but him when they allow him to be the way that he is. He is teachable because he knows how to act here....he doesn't expect special treatment. Sometimes he is right and sometimes he is wrong. On top of that....even though he always gets his way at home, he always wants to be here....where he is disciplined like everyone else. He knows he is loved here. However, I can't let him run all over my kids when they are over there. Why doesn't his parents see what they are doing to him....he has no friends because of it .
Anyway, no point here except to vent. For those of you who made it this far...thanks. I just don't know what to do. I am going to have to get in God's word so I can hear from him.
To complicate it further, I was in my garage yesterday and heard Cathy and her mom(whom I dearly love) talking bad about me. It really hurt. It was an eye opener. I have had Josh here for days at a time in the past because they needed me to.....then they could say those terrible things about me. Just dogging, insignificant comments just for...what? I don't know.
Anyway, pray for me. I don't know what is going to happen. It wouldn't be such a big deal if we weren't neighbors, but as it stands, it is hard. So very hard.
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  #2  
August 17th, 2006, 09:57 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,151
Wow, that is tough! Are you still willing for Josh to come to your house? I would be leary of letting my kids go over to his house, with everything that is going on, it doesn't sound like a good situation. Hopefully you can work something out. Sorry you are going through this.
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  #3  
August 17th, 2006, 10:57 AM
MissyPrincessEha's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 11,318
Oh Shery! If God gives me any wisdom for you I will surely pass it on! I am so sorry...
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  #4  
August 17th, 2006, 11:53 AM
LuckyGirlx4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,993
Quote:
I am really in the middle of a complicated issue . No, it doesn't involve homeschooling, but it does affect my family.
It's the neighbors.
We have lived together for around 5 years and have just now had our first arguments...two within a month's time. There are many issues here. One is the fact that her son is like a part of our family. You can see him all over my Blog pages....his name is Josh. He has practically been raised here at our home for the past few years. There have been no problems because he is like one of my own. However, recently, they have started to play more at his house. Well, this became a problem because Josh isn't the same little boy at home as he is here. He ALWAYS gets his way no matter what the circumstance is. My kids got to where they didn't want to go over there. Finally, they told him why. He came to me and told me what they said and I asked him if it were true. He said yes. I talked to him about it and things seemed to have gotten better. However, he is still who he is with his parents. He was so bad at his birthday party that nearly every child there got their feelings hurt. Not one time, was Josh made to behave or say he was sorry for the things that he did. Well, the next day, something happened at his house while Madison and another friend was there. Basically, they did a little counting thing...like ink pink...to see who would be "it" for hide and seek first. Well, Josh was chosen. He stomped off to the couch and threw a fit...refused to find them. Well, Madison and the other kids GOT IN TROUBLE and was made to apologize to him. Long story short...when I found out Madison's side of it, I let them know and there was a big argument. Now, Josh has admitted to lying to his mom about why he was upset..he had told her that he had been it over and over when in fact it was their first time to play.....and she still won't apologize to Madison for getting on to her or make Josh apologize. She insists that she did nothing wrong.
I have put up with a lot in the past becasue I love Josh and he is like part of the family, but I can't keep subjecting my kids to that. I don't mind him here playing at all, because he is not like that here, but I just can't send them back over there as long as they don't see where there is a problem. They actually have two more sets of friends who won't let their kids come over either, so it isn't just us.
Okay, add to that the fact that I have found out that they are doing drugs. I knew that Cathy, Josh's mom, was hooked on pain pills because she has a lot of back trouble and has to have them even when her back is okay. However, I am finding out now that they are getting them illegially and so are the friends that come over there. I already knew that her cousin, who is sometimes there, is on Meth....SCARY. Well, I have recently found out that Cathy has, in the last couple of months, done cocaine and meth. OKAY!!!!!! That is even a huger issue to me than the above problem. I cannot let my kids form bonds with adults that are taking that stuff. I worry to death about Josh because so far, everyone in that family falls into that. I also worry that if my kids have a close relationship to him that he could one day pull them in. But mostly, I worry about the adults doing it now. Madison thinks a lot of Cathy...repects her. That is scary .
So...we haven't been around them for a few days. I have tried to put some distance there. I miss Josh, but I don't know what else to do. Here's the hard part....Carter came to me crying at bedtime because he misses Josh. It breaks my heart. I just don't know what to do. I DONT KNOW what to do. There are so many issues involved here. I wish that we would have never gotten close to them, but then I am glad we did because I love Cathy and feel like Josh is one of us. He is an only child.
They are not hurting anyone but him when they allow him to be the way that he is. He is teachable because he knows how to act here....he doesn't expect special treatment. Sometimes he is right and sometimes he is wrong. On top of that....even though he always gets his way at home, he always wants to be here....where he is disciplined like everyone else. He knows he is loved here. However, I can't let him run all over my kids when they are over there. Why doesn't his parents see what they are doing to him....he has no friends because of it .
Anyway, no point here except to vent. For those of you who made it this far...thanks. I just don't know what to do. I am going to have to get in God's word so I can hear from him.
To complicate it further, I was in my garage yesterday and heard Cathy and her mom(whom I dearly love) talking bad about me. It really hurt. It was an eye opener. I have had Josh here for days at a time in the past because they needed me to.....then they could say those terrible things about me. Just dogging, insignificant comments just for...what? I don't know.
Anyway, pray for me. I don't know what is going to happen. It wouldn't be such a big deal if we weren't neighbors, but as it stands, it is hard. So very hard.[/b]

First of all, (((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))) ))))). I can "hear" your angst in your post. What a web this is. My heart is breaking for Josh. I'm definately praying for everyone involved in this situation. As far as what to do for now; if it were me in your shoes Josh would be welcome in my home whenever he wants to be there. Under no circumstances, however, would my children be in their home no matter what. Crazy and horrible things can happen when the person supervising the children is an addict. I think that I would have to prepare myself for when/if Josh's family asks why my kids don't come to thier house though; I'd be honest. I would also offer my home as a safe harbor for Josh to be when his parents want to clean up thier acts. I'm so sorry this is happening, drugs can not only kill a family, but everyone involved with that family. My dh's Dad was a crack/meth addict for many many years (thankfully dh didn't know him as a child). He is clean now, but has pancreatic cancer and liver failure (due to the drugs) and has a 12 year old son. The decades of drug use has really impeded his ability to father the 12 year old, and we will be taking custody of him when dh's Dad dies (feels so weird to say that). Anyway, I'm praying for you. Keep us posted on this. ((((more hugs)))))
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  #5  
August 17th, 2006, 12:18 PM
KarateMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Big, huge ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) to you! I am so sorry this is happening. I agree with the other posters that your kids shouldn't go to their house, although I think you already came to that conclusion (If I read right). I'd be OK with him coming to our house, but they would just know that they couldn't go over there. We actually have a little girl in the neighborhood who was allowed to come here but Reilly couldn't go there because the the girls parents are...how do I put this? Less than attentive...and have never made any attempt to get to know us despite the fact that their kid was spending hours down here.
Anyway, I did't mean to go into my own story there.
I'll be praying for wisdom for you, as well as peace.
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  #6  
August 17th, 2006, 12:38 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Gainesville, FL
Posts: 2,306
First - hugs.

Second - keep your kids out of that house if you know that meth is being done. My DH is in commercial insurance and went to a seminar on the risks of meth. Not only is it very addictive, but if they start making meth in their house it's incredibly dangerous. A meth lab produces toxic byproducts. That lab contaminates everything around it - the house, its contents, the clothing on the people there, everything. Ask any police department about the precautions they have to take before going into a crime scene involving meth or meth labs. It's insane, and you don't want to have your kids around that.

Third - if you have concrete evidence (or very high suspicion) that there are drugs in that house, call child protective services. It's anonymous, and at the very least they'll be required to investigate. I really feel for Josh and his situation. It sounds like he's a great kid, but his parents have no idea what to do with him.

Good luck.
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  #7  
August 17th, 2006, 02:18 PM
Jenneve's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,933
Hugs!

I agree with TigerMom. First of all, I would not allow my children in that house if I knew there were drugs going on. Meth is such a dangerous drug and there's no telling what a person is capable of when using it. Second, if there is in fact these drugs going on in that house, Josh doesn't need to be there either. Truth be told, it could very likely be a good part of the reason behind his behavior issues. It's a terrible situation he's living in. It sounds to me like he's just crying out for his parents to pay attention to him. Of course they don't know what to do with him. How can anyone reasonably discipline their child if they're messed up on drugs? If you have evidence, or even reasonable speculation, about the drugs I would advise you to call child protective services for Josh's sake. Big hugs!! Just pray for guidance on this one.
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  #8  
August 17th, 2006, 03:15 PM
joandsarah77's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Australia
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{{{{{{{{{big Hugs}}}}}}}}}} I would be so torn as well. I agree with all the other ladies. keep your kids out of that house. I think I would allow Josh to continue to viset, your house must be like a safe haven in a sea of madness to him. Maybe this is why God has you there. Can you maybe clue your kids into what is going on? So they understand why they wont be able to go over to his house? I'm so sorry they said hurtful things about you, that must be like a stab in the back. maybe it will help if you view her as sick, which an adiction is, and that is one of the symptoms. I will be praying for you.
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  #9  
August 18th, 2006, 05:32 AM
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I'm so sorry. Letting josh at your house also letts you keep an eye out for abuse if it isn't happing yet. If you know it's a drug house and think CPS will be able to prove it then call right away if not then take josh into your home whenever he needs. As he gets older he may resent his parents doing drugs and not do them. DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS THERE. It's unsafe for anyone including adults to be around addicts. If you are that close to them try to keep "open comunication" so when she needs an intervention and so she lets josh keep coming over. good luck I've dealt with this before so PM me if you need too.

I'm so sorry. Letting josh at your house also letts you keep an eye out for abuse if it isn't happing yet. If you know it's a drug house and think CPS will be able to prove it then call right away if not then take josh into your home whenever he needs. As he gets older he may resent his parents doing drugs and not do them. DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS THERE. It's unsafe for anyone including adults to be around addicts. If you are that close to them try to keep "open comunication" so when she needs an intervention and so she lets josh keep coming over. good luck I've dealt with this before so PM me if you need too.
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