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Sorry this will be o/t. I am so depressed right now. I went to my mom's grave today for the 1st time since she was buried since my dad was going out there to put flowers on my sisters grave. All he did is go on and on about how I haven't gotten her a stone yet. She had no insurance and I haven't been able to afford one, it's not like we are purposely not getting her one, but we are so low on money. He spends every day telling me how he is in charge cause he pays the rent, he orders me around to clean and cook for him. I feel like a slave He has been going through all my moms stuff cause it's in bins in the basement ( where he is living ) and says he has a right to even though it was willed to me and keeps taking things saying it was his when they were married Every time I try to stand up to him he threatens to not pay the rent, he has enough $ he could go buy a house if we got thrown out, we don't I was sitting looking at what goes out and in every mo and we could only afford a place that was 300 or less a mo And that is with DH doing as much OT as allowed and donating plasma. Doesn't help we are out 292 a mo since my x stopped paying CS a mo ago and I brought it up to the state and nothing happens till he's at least 1000 behind I just walk around here wishing that there was a way out. My dad is going to kill me. I swear that I have been taking there herbal stress pills almost every day lately. I get where I just don't feel like doing anything. I'm so sick of him telling me that I need to sort through my moms stuff, sorry but I'm just not ready to do that yet. I am sick of him holding the fact that he pays rent over our head. And then he is paying for DH college right now and holds that above us too, it just seems like we will never get or make it on our own
BULLY!!!!! That's the only word that comes to mind.
Has he always been that way.
I wish you could get away from him. I think I would be willing to live just about ANYWHERE if I could just look him in the face and say, "I don't need you anymore."
As for your DH's college, why doesn't he try to get a grant? If his income is low enough in comparison with your expenses...and it sounds like from what you are saying that it is....he should have no trouble getting a grant. If he does, or if the grant doesn't cover it completely, get student loans. I would much rather build up student loans than live under a bully.
I would SO LOVE to see a post from you saying that you'd told your dad that you were OUT OF THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man, I would love that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There has to be a way....has to.
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Oh don't be so hard on yourself. (((HUGS))) Early in my marriage if my Mom wasn't helping we would have starved. Literally! She had to make it known that she was helping too. DH hated it and it got to the point he didn't even like her visiting. It took a while, but we are finally at a place where we don't need her help financially. Don't get me wrong, my Mom is absolutely my best friend (besides DH), but money does crazy things to people. You go through your mother's things when you are ready and don't be pressured. Maybe you could move it so he can't snoop in it anymore? Maybe a closet or something?? Also, have you even went to a memorial place? My cousin passed and her parents didn't have the money for a headstone and they were able to go and find one that someone ordered and didn't want so it was a lot cheaper. Maybe you can find something like that when you are ready to do it, and it will be more cost effective, KWIM? Hope it all gets better for you. ((HUGS))
I agree with the other girls, you should get away from him! Sounds like he is a real jerk. How old is your dad?? My dad has always been a jerk. Nothing changes...men don't change once they get to that age. I bet if you ask for enough help from the govt, you will be surprised what you and your husband can do without your dad.
I'm sorry. That's so stressful. Can you look into government help? There is no shame in that especially since it won't be long before you are able to be on your own feet and won't need it anymore. You'd be using it for exactly what it was meant: a hand up. Getting out of your dad's house needs to happen. He really is being a bully and that's not fair to your family.
~Heather, wife to Jamie (15 years; June 5, 1998) and mom to
Ani - 14 (February 15, 2000), Cameron - 12 (October 3, 2001),
Fritz - 7 (July 11, 2006), and Adrian - 5 (June 19, 2008) Smaller on the Outside
I am feeling a little better today. DH took me out yesterday and we had alot of fun. Hailey recently sold a huge lot of her littlest pet shop toys on ebay so she got to go toy shopping and we also went rummage saleing and I got a step 2 slide for Logan for $4!!!! Not to mention I saved 52 on groceries with sales and coupons!! SO it was a good day lol!! We are basically stuck here for now I've been on govn't assistance before ( when I was on my own before meeting DH after my divorce) and right now they have a 2 yr wait here to get houseing assistance not to mention they are only letting people who make under 1000 a mo on it. WE make a littl eover that but with bills and everything we are left with nothing. Doesn't help with the gas prices it is 3.49 a gallon here I have no where to go with my moms stuff, she has over 30 bins of stuff, it's everything she has ever owned. I am so sick of being here with him I showed DH where we are finacially and he is trying to figure out a way to get more $ asap. DH already has a student loan out from when he went before, it's over 5000!! And we are trying so hard to get outta debt. He wouldn't qualify for grants cause he is just testing out of the rest of his classes He only has 7 more to go, but that is all time that we are stuck here. I can't even babysit here to try to bring in money cause my dad won't allow it. I just feel so trapped