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  #1  
May 27th, 2007, 09:14 PM
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When I first began homeschooling and was getting really excited, I posted about it on a message board where I have been a member for well over a year now. Most of the ladies there are older than me (some aren't, but most are) and many of them have grown children or no children. However, I considered them friends and wanted to share my news with them. Well, for weeks, the post got no replies. Today I happened to be over there reading and it popped up. Seems it had gotten lots of replies in the last few days - all putting me down for my choice. Here are some snippets from he responses - no names of course....

I don't know much about home schooling. I don't understand why a teacher has to go to college to get a degree, yet, anyone can decide to home school their children. A good friend of mine home schools all four of her children. She got her GED, which is great, but has had no college.
I'm not trying to fire up the forum; I just don't understand it. I would prefer my children go to school with qualified teachers and to be around kids their own age. After all, I think you have to socialize children like you do dogs.


I knew a family growing up where the whole family of kids were taught at home. They did OK, but they grades weren't nearly enough to do much with once they went out to work.

My nephew ( well his wife does) home schools his son he is 10 years old and has never set foot in a school. My whole family feels very bad for him.

OK, teacher chiming in here.

My personal opinion is that if your child has specific 'needs' that public or private school can't address to your satisfaction, then home school might be the right choice.


I have just always felt that school was a place where you didn't just learn academic things.. you learned "lifestyle" things... I think home schooling lacks a lot of those "lessons for life" children need so badly

These are just pieces of responses I got from people on this topic. It is very hurtful to me as these are people I considered "friends." I guess it matters that most of them are older and this is NOT a mommies board that i am showing the comments from. Doesn't matter who said it...this is what people think of my choice. And while I could give two sh*ts what most people think - I HATE that this is how they are going to feel toward my kids. The post about socializing my kids like I do my DOGS - ummmmmm...I have never had my dogs go to school for 12 years - 180 days a year with strangers so they could play with other dogs their age!!! COME ON!!

It just upsets me. Nothing I can do - and I will just ignore it and move on...but it was hurtful.

And I have to say that it really makes me angry that people are always 100% in favor of a mom staying home with her kids. You always hear "oh that is the best thing for them..." and so on. I did stay home, it was the best thing for my sons. Now that I decide I want to stay home and continue that bond and that way of life, suddenly it is not good anymore and my kid needs to be with other dogs - er kids.
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  #2  
May 27th, 2007, 09:51 PM
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Dont give it another thought. I feel everyone is entitled to their own opinions even if it is without educating themselves. I was worried when i decided to do this if i could i mean i went to some college but never finished and it was yrs ago. But I have talk to teachers i felt didnt know much and if their books didnt have the answers in them i wouldnt think they could even figure the answer out. My sister is a teacher and she says Homeschooling isnt for everyone, but the ones who do it and do it right will be fine. You will always have the ones who take advantage of the "homeschooling system" and just dont do much of anything. I thought about some of the things in your comments from your so called friends and i had thought a couple of them when i was ignorant to the home schooling life, but i did alot of research on it before making this decision and if your friends cant be supportive you dont need them... they dont have to 100% agree, or even think it is the best idea, but they are friends they need to support you and your families choice.

your better off without them!
sue
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  #3  
May 27th, 2007, 11:18 PM
MissyPrincessEha's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Awwwww....yea...just let it go. Don't allow it to fester anymore. Just remember that they aren't as enlightened as you are. They know not what they do. HUGS! And we know you are doing the right thing!
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  #4  
May 28th, 2007, 03:18 AM
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Absolutely...you know what is right for your dogs..I mean family (LOL)....and you are proud of it! Doesn't get any better than that! Forget about those statements, you are a great Mom!
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  #5  
May 28th, 2007, 05:01 AM
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I'm so sorry, Sue! It's such a bummer when you're excited about something and share that excitement with people that you think are your friends and are going to at least feign excitement with you, only to find out that they're only going to criticize you for your choices. I think that's one of the downsides of online forums - the detatchment that even "friends" have because they're not actually face to face, or even on the phone with you! There's a "freedom" to say things or criticize in a manner that you might not do with one of your IRL friends.
And, at the same time, I think that one of my favorite things about this JM homeschooling board is that we really don't criticize each other here...at least not that I can think of...*scratches head* I don't know that we all agree with the way that we all do things, and I know that we don't all love the same curriculum or methods, so it's not like we're some sort of Stepford Homeschoolers, but we just don't get snarky about it here!

I realize that this is a different type of board than the other one you're talking about, though. I think that, for so many people, homeschooling is so far outside the box of their thinking that it scares them and all they can think of to do is put it down and make negative comments that stem from their ignorance of the subject. Don't let it get to you! Just come HERE and let us give you support and hugs and stuff!!!!!

Oh, and the socializing them just like you do DOGS?!? That blew my mind!!
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  #6  
May 28th, 2007, 05:04 AM
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First just let me say that the comment about the dog discredits all of it to begin with for me!!!

I'm sure, however, that it was very hurtful. You know, being that most of them are older, it doesn't surprise me that they have those feelings. It wasn't so long ago that homeschooling was rare. It is such a common thing today, that those who are still skeptical are only showing their ignorance of it.

You just hang out here with us. We will continue to tell you how bright and wonderful homeschooled children are .

"hugs"
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  #7  
May 28th, 2007, 06:02 AM
Butter's Avatar Heather the Mama Duk
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That dog comment really is just so... Whatever. Just ignore them. I know it hurts, though, when people you think are friends put down your choices.
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  #8  
May 28th, 2007, 06:07 AM
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Quote:
That dog comment really is just so... Whatever. Just ignore them. I know it hurts, though, when people you think are friends put down your choices.[/b]

I absoultely agree. if this is a decision that you have come to and feel it's the best thing for your family then that's what's best. Sometimes our "friends" don't always see our point of view.

I think it's a great decision and wish you the best of luck with it!
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  #9  
May 28th, 2007, 07:09 AM
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Yes, the dog comment just made her sound ignorant! I am part of a mommies board that has been together since Dec '00. I knew this past Fall was going to be hell for me on that board. Out of over 100 women I am the only one homeschooling. 2-3 "considered" it. One has her child in a Christian program that is 1/2 homeschooling. She goes 3 days a week, I think. She is given some assignments, etc to take home for the parents to do with her. So I don't think I would really call it 1/2 homeschooling but can't think of a better description. Anyway she is the only one on the board who really shares positive posts with me. The rest of them are cordial and polite abouit my kids' education is mentioned. You know that overly politeness, that feels quite cold. I gave up, they will never accept it and that is fine. I posted about Talen's kindy graduation this week. I got at least 3-4 replies stating, but I thought you homeschooled. I was like umm, yeah, but Talen isn't locked in the house all day. They don't realized how many opportunities there are out there for homeschoolers to participate in all sorts of great, fun things. My own IRL best friend has pulled away from me, and i think some of it is due to my parenting decisions. So just expect that to happen occasionally but don't let it make you question yourself. They are the ones with the "issues", not you.
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  #10  
May 28th, 2007, 08:29 AM
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Yeah, it hurts when you are excited about something and then your friends slam you for it- I have pretty much found that I have to keep my mouth shut most of the time in order to not get those comments from people...except here. I am also a part of another board and they are "supportive" but that support could go south at any second- plus whenever I mention schooling stuff I only get like 3-4 replies too- mostly, stuff about your a better person than I am, better you than me, yada yada...Its' just not the same as here.
IRL I can only really talk about it with my MIL because she hs-ed all her kids through high school- my parents sit and smile and then change the subject...everyone else....frankly, I'm afraid to mention it with because I would be very hurt if they said something negative about me that way...


And....socialize kids like DOGS??? Oh boy!
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  #11  
May 28th, 2007, 08:58 AM
~hsingtreehouse~
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Well, I guess I should have mentioned this other board is a DOG board. LOL Last night I was just so mad and hurt that I wasn't thinking about that. Those comments are from about 6 different people - the one who made the dog comment has never had kids and has always had one or more dogs to fill her life. One is a retired teacher in her 50's, one is an older lady who has no children, one is a girl about my age who has no kids, etc.

I have a mommies board that I actually started with another mom (the online mom that became my IRL friend). It is a small (15 people) private board but even those moms were like "WHAT??" "Not you too??" We were on a bigger board with a girl who was cloth diaper, breast feed, homeschool all the way and she was so irritating about it that she really turned a lot of people off to it. She would fight mothers who made other choices and call them bad parents, etc. So, when I made the choice to homeschool, those girls were like "OMG!" Once I explained myself, they gave me the cordials of "oh, well you know what is best for your family..." But none of them share my excitement.

I am just so glad I found this group of wonderful, supportive ladies. With your support and that of my dh, I can definitely look over the comments of other moms! Thank you all!!! *hugs**
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  #12  
May 28th, 2007, 10:00 AM
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I'm so sorry. There are at least a dozen things wrong with the comments you posted (not even counting the spelling and grammar ) but it would probably just be a waste of time to respond. Hopefully you can still enjoy the forum, but just come here when you want to share about homeschooling.
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  #13  
May 28th, 2007, 10:02 AM
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ROFL! The dog comment makes a little more sense, knowing that it's on a dog board! At least it's not quite as far out of left field as it seems like it was!

Quote:
But none of them share my excitement.[/b]
I think it's hard for people who don't homeschool to get as excited about as we do! It's like they're looking at an a foreign object (or a pile of dog poo, depending on how negativly they feel about hs'ing!) and just don't know what to do with it! "Ummmm, do I pick it up? Step on it? Is this supposed to be here? Uh, should I call the authorities? Animal control? What IS it anyway? Oh well, I'll just ignore it."
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  #14  
May 28th, 2007, 10:03 AM
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Quote:
It's like they're looking at an a foreign object (or a pile of dog poo, depending on how negativly they feel about hs'ing!) and just don't know what to do with it! "Ummmm, do I pick it up? Step on it? Is this supposed to be here? Uh, should I call the authorities? Animal control? What IS it anyway? Oh well, I'll just ignore it."[/b]
What an appropriate analogy!
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  #15  
May 28th, 2007, 10:05 AM
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Yep, mine is a private board like that. We started at Ivillage way back when but now have our own private locked community. I wasn't surprised to get the reaction I got either. I remember when we decided to do this I was pggrs with Talen. I popped in on them then and asked if anyone was considering homeschooling. I didn't get a positive response then either. LOL I was one of the bfing, cloth diapering girls as well so I think they just chalked me up to be another "earth mother", which I sooo am not! ROFL!
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  #16  
May 28th, 2007, 11:50 AM
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LOL - funny thing is that as much as that woman got on my nerves at the first board (the earthy mother who liked to shove it in our faces and tell us why we were wrong), I ended up doing two of the three things she was so passionate about. I homeschool and I cloth diapered for a long time too. I am actually getting ready to do a cloth bedwetter with my oldest who has night time accidents even at 8 years old. I still love the idea of cloth. I don't love the idea of being called a bad mom if I use disposables. LOL

I just got off the phone with my best friend and she told me that the relationships you make in highschool follow you through life. UMMMMMM WHAT? I have two friends from HS that I still talk to. The rest - I haven't seen or talked to in 10 years. When I was a kid, my mom worked two jobs to support us. I was home alone from the time I was 10 years old! I don't want that for my kids. I also tried drugs, had sex before marriage (with 5 different people!), and got pregnant before getting married or finishing college. If I can do ANYTHING to help my kids not follow that same path, I want to do it. I made so many mistakes that I can't take back now. I want my kids to be raised differently. I don't fault my mom, she did what she had to do as a single mom. I just want to make sure that I do it differently. Will that guarantee my kids are wonderful, NO. But at least I will know I did what I could while I could.

Homeschooling keeps Scotty out of the main stream of the bad stuff out there for him to pick up at the age of 4! And I don't mean eating his boogers, I mean cursing, violence. My oldest son, just last year, figured out that some kids parents beat them and their other parent. A boy in his class told a horrible story about the night his dad went to jail for trying to kill his mom and his brother. My son was so scared and he didn't understand this at all. And you know what, he really didn't need to understand it. He didn't need to be exposed to such a story of violence and dysfunction this early in life. He didn't need to hear about the cops dragging the boys dad out of the house, the bloody lip he gave his mom, or any of that. Bryce needs to be a 7 year old boy having a good time and enjoying his life. Public School is just a bad place to be. And everyone says "well, he has to learn it sometime...he has to know this stuff happens in the real world." And my question is "WHY, at the age of 7, does he have to know???" Why does his innoncence have to end so soon??

People I thought were friends, really weren't.

You would think they knew I was a good parent, that I would only do what was best for my kids, that I wasn't "weird" and I didn't want my kids to be "weird" and would raise them to be social and intelligent adults. I am trying not to let it bother me, but it is very hurtful. It feels like the attack is personal. The woman above who said "my nephew homeschool and the whole family feels bad for the child." Oh my God! I don't want people to feel "bad" for my son!! If anything, they should be jealous that he is getting morals and values along with his education!
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  #17  
May 28th, 2007, 12:39 PM
Butter's Avatar Heather the Mama Duk
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High school relationships follow you through life?!?! Most people I know who went to public school are not friends with most of the same people they were friends with in high school at all. And besides... just because a kid doesn't go to government school for high school doesn't mean they can't make friends anyway... I was friends with lots of kids in public school. I even went to high school dances!
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  #18  
May 28th, 2007, 05:15 PM
~hsingtreehouse~
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I know! How stupid was that??? She said that now a guy she went to school with is her boss. Okay - he did NOT hire her...he was hired after her. And honestly, people who know me would already have their bias about me...I would rather be hired and work with people I can get to know. I have not spoken to more than 1 person I went to hs with in 10 years.
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  #19  
May 28th, 2007, 05:20 PM
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So sorry you had to deal with those coments. Just remember they are coming from a place of total ignorance and are really showing it!
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  #20  
May 28th, 2007, 07:05 PM
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I'm new to homeschooling, so I can relate to what happened to you. None of my "friends" are really supportive either. Mainly they just feign happiness for me but they aren't excited about it like I am. I run a parenting board too and although none of them have said anything negative yet, I think its only because they don't want to hurt my feelings (they all respect me a lot). We also had an experience where we had a really AP parent on the site who started up debates with everyone on their mainstream choices. We ended up kicking her off the site. My mom doesn't really think I should homeschool though. She doesn't think I can do it. I had a 4.0 in high school and did 2 1/2 yrs of college. Ugh.

So anyway, I feel your pain. Hang in there!
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