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Do you ever wish we lived in a different time


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  #1  
July 9th, 2007, 01:05 PM
pattyandthemoos's Avatar Administrator
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Some times I wish that we lived in a different day and age where everyone wasn't so preoccupied with kids developmental milestones. Some days I wish that the term autism was never created. I am sure once upon a time people just thought, oh well he is a little odd but they didn't go much further than that. I don't know. I think sometimes there is more stigma, labeling, and people busybodying about what you should be doing now because of all the labels.

I am having a bad day. I am feeling pressure from people. My son Brandon has an autism spectrum disorder. They do not have his diagnosis narrowed down but I am assuming he has PDD-NOS at this point in the game. Needlesstosay, I am beginning to feel completely isolated because of him. He used to have services in the home through early intervention but since he is three now, he no longer gets home visits. In order for me to get services, I would have to work through the school system and I really wanted to just homeschool him. I am just feeling like everyone thinks I am an idiot and am going to do irreparable damage to him by not having him in special ed classes/services. I am having a difficult time as it is dealing with his diagnosis. I guess you could say I am in denial. I like to think if I work with him a lot, one day you won't even be able to tell he has any problems. I want to just cry right now because I am not getting any support on this. My dh, ironically, is now my only support system when it comes to homeschooling. He was the one that used to fight me tooth and nail on homeschooling too! He has completely come around with homeschooling and he makes me feel good about what we are doing. I was feeling really good with my plans for Brandon but other people make me feel like I don't know what I am supposed to be doing with him. Like because he is a special needs kid I am going to have to do everything differently. I really had planned to do things with him, the same as I have my other kids and just go slower and spend more time. But I don't know, maybe I am just missing the boat and maybe there is something I should be doing differently with him. I am not even sure what I am wanting from this post. I guess maybe some support and advice from any of the moms that have special needs kids.
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  #2  
July 9th, 2007, 01:14 PM
grunig's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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You are mom and mom's know best. I know you may need extra advice but not much more. I have seen too many moms of children like yours go through the school system to get the "help" the kids need. They end up fighting for the few bones they are thrown, and then end up watching their kids develope other behavioral issues from being in that enviroment. I don't think you have to have special training, you just have to know and love the child. Kudos to you for listening to your heart!
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  #3  
July 9th, 2007, 02:58 PM
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Oh, Patty, I wish I had some advice to give. But I don't, so all I can really offer is a hug and a "hang in there"...I'm sorry it's not more.
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  #4  
July 9th, 2007, 03:10 PM
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I agree with Mom knows best. I wish I could offer more advice, but I can give you support. I'm giving you kudos too for following your heart. Who could be better to meet the special needs of your little man than you? I agree with the unneccessary labels as well. I think they are hog wash. These milestones are SO general that they compare apples to oranges, IMO. NO 2 kids are the same and to compare where they think all 3 year olds should be at a certain time is crazy! I hope it gets better for you and you get more support and comfort from your decision.
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  #5  
July 9th, 2007, 03:36 PM
joandsarah77's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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(((Hugs))) My own son is delayed I am guessing about 6 months, or maybe not, maybe he's just a late bloomer...I often think I should have him tested but havn't (except for his hearing which came back normal) due to this labeling thing. I mean if he is labled then what? I can not see him co-operating with a speach therapist. Will they presure me into using ps services? I don't want to, I want to homeschool him. He'l be 3 in 2 months but is more like a just over 2 year old. Sorry I am no help because I have no idea what to do.
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  #6  
July 9th, 2007, 05:26 PM
Jenneve's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I don't have any advice either but wanted to offer a cyber hug.
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  #7  
July 10th, 2007, 04:18 AM
Butter's Avatar Heather the Mama Duk
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I agree that mom knows best.
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  #8  
July 10th, 2007, 05:29 AM
Kangaroo510
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I agree with the labeling issue. Kids that are a little over active are instantly ADHD, children that are dreamers and preoccupied with thoughts in their heads are instantly ADD, kids that learn a little differently or a little bit slower are now autistic. Autism is such a broad diagnosis. I think it's rediculous.

What better way to help your son than to keep him with you.. the one that knows him, the one that he trusts and loves. I'm sure there are some things you could use an outsiders help with but I don't think sticking him in the ps system just so he can have "special" classes is the answer.

You have a beautiful boy... You'll find the answer you are looking for!
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  #9  
July 10th, 2007, 08:50 AM
MissyPrincessEha's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh Patty...if I were in your position....I would do it the same. Take it slower, and teach him myself.

I think you are doing well!
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  #10  
July 10th, 2007, 08:51 AM
pattyandthemoos's Avatar Administrator
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Thanks for all the support. I am sorry I don't get over here and post more often. I am going to try to check in more and get to know you gals a little better.
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  #11  
July 10th, 2007, 03:16 PM
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Well, here is my humble opinion for what it is worth. My oldest son has ADHD. He has been in school since he was 5 - going through the "system." In Kindergarten, he was hated by all of his classmates, came home crying almost daily, stabbed someone in the head with a pencil and was moved to another class with all new kids - who also started ignoring him and refusing to play with him. When he would misbehave, he was sent to the office for his entire rest of the school day. He even had ISS a few times. He was 5 for God's sake!!!!! All day in school suspension for a 5 year old. Oh, and we had an IEP. I was at the school every day fighting for him. It didn't help. They dont' care. If you think they do, you are sorely mistaken. You may find one teacher that cares - one teacher's aid. But the principal with 500 other kids to worry about, to her, my son was a liability.

We moved and first grade was better, second grade was even better. But every week or so, there is a struggle of monumentous proportion. I am in a meeting with a teacher or the principal. They are always taking something away to punish him...a class trip, a school movie, field day! He spends more time in trouble than out.

THIS IS WITH AN IEP. This is with an involved, caring parent. They just don't care. It sucks, it is the truth.

Homeschooling your son is the best thing you can do for him. I firmly believe that. My son is gifted as well as ADHD and if it weren't for a divorce and my ex's refusal for me to homeschool, I would do it in a heartbeat. If the trouble starts again in school, my ex may just have a fight on his hands. It is not worth risking your son's self esteem when others make fun of him because he isn't the "same" as others.

Just my opinion....but hold your head high in your decision. You are his mom and your gut knows the BEST!
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  #12  
July 11th, 2007, 08:28 PM
MissyPrincessEha's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That was very well said and put Rebecca!
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  #13  
July 18th, 2007, 07:06 AM
Butter's Avatar Heather the Mama Duk
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Patty, how are you feeling about this now?
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