[joyguide]

Ok ladies - confession here - I'm terrified to become a parent. I am newly pregnant, 6 weeks and a few days...and while it was not unplanned...its still scary as heck. Yes, I've been a stepmom for years - but my current stepsons live out of state so being a mom to them was a part time job, if that. And I came into their lives as teenagers, so it was a very easy step-mom job. And in the past, in a long term relationship where I was a stepmom to a little boy from age 2 to 5, his dad had joint custody so we had him every other weekend and a few weeknights. So being a full time mom is foreign to me.

I'm 37 and only got the "mommy urge" about a year and a half ago. I honestly saw myself without children, and was just fine with that, until about a year and a half ago, when I allowed myself to entertain the idea of having a baby. Even though DH and I have been officially trying for about 6 months (with a loss in December) - I still had many days where I couldn't decide what I wanted, although the majority of the time I was on board with it while TTC. But I still can't shake the fact that I've been very happy with my life and never felt the need to have a child. And now that its a reality...this is really quite a lot.

I'm scared that this is going to be too much for me...I love my life and am afraid that having a child will alter things in a way that I won't like. Even tonight - we went out for dinner with my stepsons and some of the oldest's college friends and I realized that the whole family dynamic is going to change...and it is really scary. I'm even concerned about my career - while a lot of the past 15 years I've played and had fun and wasn't exactly career focused, in the past 5 years, I put in my time (and got my MBA) and really feel that my career is taking off now. And now...what will happen to that?

Maybe these are just the hormones talking...because I know that I'll be an incredible mom and that DH is one of the best dads I've ever met. He raised two extraordinary boys while living out of state...for most of their lives, and managed to be more present in their lives than many fathers that I see today.

I talked to DH about this last night and he assured me that everythign is going to be just fine...we can't always plan what we want our lives to be like and that God (or whomever you believe in, we happen to believe in God) sometimes has other plans for us. I must say that I always do trust my intution - it has NEVER led me astray and my intution has clearly spoken when it came to getting pregnant. That, adn the fact, that I seem to be the only female I know who has become MORE fertile as I've gotten older. 3 pregnancies in the past year and a half....and before then, sexually active in long term relationships without much birth control..pregnant only twice over nearly 15 years.

I feel horrible and selfish talking about this... I really do want this baby and I'm excited...but that excitement is tempered with a lot of trepidation. I'm hoping this is just me adjusting to the big change...heck, 5 years ago I couldn't picture myself as a dog owner (always owned cats) and I adopted a puppy from the local shelter...and now I can't imagine life without her. I know that's sort ofa lame analogy, but it was a big change for me- single with cats to married with a dog...a big shift in my responsibilities.

Maybe I just needed to vent and get this out...but I could definitely use some advice from some of you who have had kids and might be able to offer a bit of consolation

[missy123]

You know how you were afraid of that change from cats to dogs? It is the same thing! You are going to be an awesome mom and you can have it all. You can have that career and be a mom and go out to dinner and all of it. It will take a little while to find that balance but honestly having a baby changes your life in a good way.

[MarieJ]

I had my first at 33, and now I'm 37 and due with #5 due in August--I have to agree with Missy, having a child makes your life even better. Things do change, but not really for the worse, the things you want to remain the same, you just work a little harder at. We've travelled more with kids than we did without, we have bigger houses and nicer cars than we did pre kids, and both of our careers are better now than 5 years ago. Get ready for a great new stage in your life!

[joyguide]

Thank you! Its just so different, being in this place in my life now. I've always been the one to try to control everything that happens to me (not to anyone else, I'm definitely not a control freak, unless its me)...and this is going to really make me flex my "not in control" muscle. But the more its flexed...the better I'll get at it, right?

Thank you so much for the reasurance!!!