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Struggling, could use some advice.


Forum: Pregnancy Over 35

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  #1  
August 5th, 2011, 11:31 AM
amycc's Avatar Super Mommy
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So, I am 33 1/2 wks preg with my third, and just turned 40 last month. He was a huge surprise, as my other two are 10 and 12, but after I got over the shock of the fact that I was having another child at the age of 40, I have done my best to be positive and excited about meeting this sweet boy. What I'm struggling with is the fact that he is going to be an only child, since my other two are so much older. I really, REALLY don't want to go through another pregnancy over 40, but I can't imagine not giving him a sibling. How do you decide to have another no matter how hard it is on your body!? Any advice?
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  #2  
August 5th, 2011, 01:01 PM
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I don't quite understand.... how will having 10 and 12 year old siblings make him an "only child"? They can still be VERY close even with that much of an age difference!! My husband is 11 years older than his youngest brother and they are very close, always have been.
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  #3  
August 5th, 2011, 01:28 PM
mythreesons's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My neighbor had her fourth at the age of 40. Her youngest was 10 (she also had a 12 and 13 year old). Her older children have been he best friends this little boy has ever had. He is now 7 years old and his siblings dote on him and are always playing with him. so, imo, he is as much a part of the siblinghood as the rest of them,
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  #4  
August 5th, 2011, 02:30 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It is really interesting that you bring this up as I was thinking the same thing recently. My age gap is much larger - the boys are 20,19 and 16 and she will be a newborn. I know they will always love her but within the next 3 years they will all be moved out of the house and she will be "an only child". My husband I talked about it and he would love another child but after seeing what I am going through now he said no way. I don't know if I could go through another pregnancy at 43 with a newborn, working full time and being a wife/mother to 3 others. The physical part is just taking its toll. Please don't get me wrong - I am not complaining.... I am so excited to be pregnant!
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  #5  
August 6th, 2011, 05:41 AM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Im also 40, turning 41 just 6wks after my 6th is born. I just had a baby last year just before I turned 40. My DH and I worked very hard to get my baby last year and never even thought of another. After having her, we went into the not trying, not preventing mode. When she turned 5mo old, I was pregnant again. Although this new baby was not planned like Mia was, she is just as welcome. It has been very hard on my body, but giving her a sister so close in age has made it all worth while.

My others are 18, 16, 12, and 8. I was FINE with just having Mia, I really was. Now I cant see it any other way. Just follow your heart and body and do whats right for you. Growing up with older sibilings does not make you an only child in my eyes, just a very spoiled one! (Mia is treated unbelievably and reacts to her brothers and sister like any other family!)
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  #6  
August 6th, 2011, 06:12 AM
amycc's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pumpkinpie24 View Post
I don't quite understand.... how will having 10 and 12 year old siblings make him an "only child"? They can still be VERY close even with that much of an age difference!! My husband is 11 years older than his youngest brother and they are very close, always have been.
I love to hear stories of close siblings even though there's such a big age gap. I'm saying that once my other two are out of the house that this new one will be on his own. He'll obviously have siblings, they just will be out of the house before he reaches middle school.

Thanks so much for your stories and advice, it really made me feel better! I just needed to vent, I guess.
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  #7  
August 6th, 2011, 08:29 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momof5lopez View Post
After having her, we went into the not trying, not preventing mode.
Can I just say I love you so much Lori and I am excited Selena is joining your family!! xoxoxoo
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...




Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #8  
August 6th, 2011, 01:43 PM
JesSsica's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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The whole purpose for having baby #2 so close in age to baby #1 was for them to be playmates. Fast forward to now and my ds and dd are water and oil. They have nothing in common and RARELY play together. I know now that this baby is it despite the age gap because my theory backfired. Hehe
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  #9  
August 6th, 2011, 05:36 PM
amycc's Avatar Super Mommy
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I hear ya, Jessica! My kids do fight a ton, but like tonight we were going to dinner at the in-laws, and my son said he was going to be bored since Georgia wasn't going to be there, and it made me sad to think this little one is going to be on his own. I know he'll be fine, I am just a worrier.
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  #10  
August 6th, 2011, 08:27 PM
disneydiva76's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Amy I understand COMPLETELY! I get the same reaction when I explain I don't want my daughter to be an only child. I have a 14 year old from my first marriage. She was an only child and it was so sad seeing her alone with no siblings and no memories of them for when she got older. Well I met my hubby now backin 2005 and he didn't have any kids a d of course wanted some. So we had our baby girl who is now 2 1/2. So now we are trying to have another and 1... I get looked at sideways like why would you want another at your age??? A d 2..... When I explain why, that I want her to have a sibling to grow up with and not be an only child, they don't get it.

My 14 year old will be grown and gone before you know it and I don't want Lilly to be alone with no memories of fun times with siblings.

So I really really really understand :-)
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  #11  
August 7th, 2011, 10:32 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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I read this book that I think could be helpful for you... it's a quick read and can be read in short stretches. I found it inspiring, comforting and it made me feel at ease with being a "late in life" mom (41, first child).

Baby Changes Everything, Embracing and Preparing for Motherhood after 35 by Beth K. Vogt
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  #12  
August 11th, 2011, 01:06 PM
Blue-Jay's Avatar Jenny
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Maryland
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I totally understand, too, Amy. When my dad and stepmom had their one and only child together, I was 17, and my younger two sisters were 13 and 10. We did not all live in the same house, and that "baby" is now 22 years old! She has said a lot of times that she really feels left out and not part of the sister group because she did not get to grow up with us. I think there is a bond that comes from growing up together that is kind of irreplaceable. We always used to take her out for "Sister Day" at least once a year; all four of us would go hang out together for the whole day. It started when she was really small. But she missed the arguing and sharing and crying and laughing together. On the other hand, she was spoiled rotten and loved to death by all of us, and we are all friends today. And she had a much better quality of life than we did, because she didn't have to share the income of the household. I think each side has some good arguable points. Whatever you decide is right for your family is the right choice, and nobody should judge you.
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