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Forum: Pregnancy Over 35

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  #1  
September 27th, 2006, 01:54 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 66
My sons will be 18 and 22 when our new baby is born.

Boy do I hear it from people I run into when I'm out and about. "You were finally going to be free! What's wrong with you?! Are you crazy?!!? Why did you have another one ?!?! You finally could have done all the things you ever wanted to do without having kids tagging along!!!"

Well, in my case, I started feeling incredibly lost and useless when the boys grew up. Yes, I was almost "free". But I had no idea what to do with myself. I have been "mom" since I was 17 years old. Even back then, I took the role very responsibly and took care of my baby instead of leaving him with everyone and going out like a lot of younger parents do these days. All I have ever been is mom!

With the boys grown, I just couldn't find any direction. I was depressed and basically felt like I was stuck in neutral. I realized that I no longer had an "identity".

Then miracle of miracles, we got pregnant last year and had a beautiful baby girl. Suddenly my whole world made sense again and I knew who I was, and who I was meant to be She saved me. She really did. Now she's going to have a baby brother as well, and I'm over the moon about it all. I feel like the most blessed person in the universe

Its a lot different this time than it had been at age 17 and 21 when I had the boys. I'm a lot calmer, more patient, more appreciative, more experienced with life, more stable and secure than I was back then. This time around is just incredible. Also, I was alone with the boys and most of the time I was struggling to get by. This time around I have a wonderful devoted hubby who is plugged in and just as involved and in love with the babies as I am! What a difference it makes.


Do any of you have older children? Do you feel differently now than you did when you were younger?
I'd love to hear your stories!
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  #2  
September 27th, 2006, 02:45 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
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Ours won't be split as far as yours, but we do have a DS who is 5. This baby is due two weeks before DS turns 6. It still feels like we're starting all over again (gave away all the baby stuff last year, certain we were through, then changed our minds this spring). Watching DS so independent and thinking about adding a brand new one is a bit intimidating, but I'm also excited about it. I feel a lot more relaxed this time, knowing what to do and what to expect than I did with DS. My perspective is definitely different, even though they're only 6 years apart. I think it's for the better, though.
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  #3  
September 27th, 2006, 04:34 PM
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Our little boy will be our first. My husband was always working before we met and I had to find Mr. Right, it took a long time. We met 3 years ago. We married in August of 2005 and we are expecting our bundle for February. Could not be happier.
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  #4  
September 27th, 2006, 06:34 PM
Logan's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Western US
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We have identical twins who are 24, a 22 yr old daughter, a 10 yr old son and a 5 yr old daughter.

One twin is married. The other is getting married in November. Yep, I get to be the pregnant mom of the groom. Our duaghter is married and has two kids. Yep, I'm a pregnant grandma. If this wasn't happening to me I'd be laughing.
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  #5  
September 28th, 2006, 07:45 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 66
How do your older kids feel about the babies?

My oldest son (21) doesn't live with us and really doesn't have much to say about the baby(s). His first reaction when we told him we were expecting last year was "How could you do this to me?" AS IF the whole world and our own personal lives were supposed to revolve around his.

Our younger son (17) still lives with us. He didn't want much to do with the baby at first, though he did get her gifts and even made her a blanket before she arrived. Its been 10 months and he's just starting to come around a little. He's laughing at her antics and just as amazed as we are by her new accomplishments. He's even carrying her to the car for me these days since I'm supposed to watch what I lift. Its taken him this long to start "admitting" that she's pretty cool after all Today he even held her hands and "walked" her down the hall!

He's actually looking forward to his baby brother who will be here in December. I doubt he will have much to do with him until he is a little older and able to get around though. Maybe he's afraid they are fragile when they are so small, or he's just afraid of being spit up on LOL.
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  #6  
September 29th, 2006, 07:17 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Texas
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Hi everyone!
This is my first post!
I have a 20 year old son, a 14 year old daughter and a 10 year old son and am due May 28th.
DD was disgusted with us at first, she was completely grossed out that her parents still have sex.
Oldest DS was shocked but happy and youngest DS is ecstatic. If we had wanted to wait to tell friend it would have been too bad, I think he has gone door to door spreading the news!
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  #7  
September 29th, 2006, 11:34 AM
Logan's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Our 24 yr old twins asked their dad how he could let this happen. When my husband told them that we were using two kinds of birth control they decided that was too much info. Serves them right.

21 yr old daughter laughed. She has a 2 yr old and a 3 yr old. She thinks it's hilarious that she will have a brother or sister younger than her kids.

10 yr old son is okay with it but hasn't said too much.

5 yr old drama queen daughter is fine one day and in tears the next because "the baby will get all of the attention."
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  #8  
September 29th, 2006, 02:33 PM
sunshinemommie's Avatar Super Mommy
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We have a 13yo dd and a 4 yo ds. Both kids are excited. Ds thinks the baby will steal his toys from him. Our dd is really happy.
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  #9  
October 1st, 2006, 07:52 PM
BestWishes05's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Idaho
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I have 3 older children. In my late 20's we thought we were "done" so dh had a vasectomy. As my children were getting older I enjoyed some of the freedom but I also had a sense of sadness. I always wanted 4 children but our 3rd was a "surprise" and financially we struggled. So we thought our family was complete. Well when I was 38yrs old, dh surprised me and asked if I wanted more children. It took a year for us to confirm we wanted to try again. Dh had a vasectomy reversal at the end of January and we were pregnant in April. We also get alot of discouraging comments from family. My oldest son is a Senior so he is preparing for college and really doesn't seem to have any "feelings" about it lol. My middle dd was also horrified that we could actually still produce a child . My youngest dd is so excited and will be very hands on. Sorry this post is so long............. it's great to have other ladies that can relate
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  #10  
October 8th, 2006, 11:14 PM
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[quote]
How do your older kids feel about the babies?

My oldest son (21) doesn't live with us and really doesn't have much to say about the baby(s). His first reaction when we told him we were expecting last year was "How could you do this to me?" AS IF the whole world and our own personal lives were supposed to revolve around his.

Thank you so much for sharing that. My eldest DD who is 15 said the same thing to me. How could I do this to her???? How could I do this without discussing it with her first? Didnt I think about how it would affect her life? I ruined her life! OMG she had me in tears for a few days. When I had her sister 15 months ago she was ok as she knew we were going to be "trying" for one. With this one I didnt give her any warning but told her how much I wanted one more. She knew that all my life I wanted 6 kids but because of circumstances it didnt happen. So I tried to prepare her (when I already knew I was pg) by telling her again and again that I wanted one more. Guess I didnt get my point across. She has calmed down thank goodness. She still isnt happy but not as mad as she was a few months ago. And of course the 15 month old is clueless.
I am much more relaxed and calmer than I was 15 yrs ago. It helps of course that I am not working this time around either which wasnt easy. But I am really enjoying being a Mom so much more now. I know how fast it goes and how much I should enjoy the little things with my kids now.
Katy
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  #11  
October 9th, 2006, 09:40 AM
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I have a 2.5 yr old and an angel baby. I asked him if he wanted a brother or sister. He said sister. But I don't think he knows what I am talking about. I figure we will wait to try to explain all this to him until I am way further along.

These posts crack me up. I can just imagine your older kids reactions and your reactions to that. lol. As if we are old and washed up. Parents still have sex??? gross! DH and I can't wait until our son is embarassed by us. That will be SO funny.
In some ways, I still feel super young, like time hasn't moved forward.
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  #12  
October 9th, 2006, 02:45 PM
kimberlypatton@msn.com's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'll answer your question from a different perspective...
I am an older sister to a sister who was born when I was 17 and a brother who was born when I was 19. There are five of us children, now aged 39, 36 (me), 31, 20, and 18! It has been such a blessing to us all to have the two younger ones. We are all VERY close and have such a wonderful family. I think it is wonderful to have the large age differences. It really adds a new perspective to things. My Mom is now finally DONE...as she's definitely not able to have any more. She's 58 now and I know that having the younger two really rounded out her fulfillment as a mother. Congratulations to you and your family!!!
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ESTHER GRACE WAS BORN ON MARCH 23RD, 2009: 4:15 PM, 9 POUNDS, 20.5 INCHES. ANOTHER WONDERFUL HOME WATER BIRTH!!!


The world today is upside down because there is so very little love in the home, and in family life. We have no time for each other. Everybody is in such a terrible rush, and so anxious…and in the home begins the disruption of the peace of the world.
-Mother Teresa~
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  #13  
October 9th, 2006, 02:55 PM
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Quote:
I'll answer your question from a different perspective...
I am an older sister to a sister who was born when I was 17 and a brother who was born when I was 19. There are five of us children, now aged 39, 36 (me), 31, 20, and 18! It has been such a blessing to us all to have the two younger ones. We are all VERY close and have such a wonderful family. I think it is wonderful to have the large age differences. It really adds a new perspective to things. My Mom is now finally DONE...as she's definitely not able to have any more. She's 58 now and I know that having the younger two really rounded out her fulfillment as a mother. Congratulations to you and your family!!! [/b]
That is really sweet.
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  #14  
October 10th, 2006, 07:20 AM
mpwife_89's Avatar Veteran
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we heard the SAME thing, LOL... Ours are 17, 16, 15, 14 and now we have a 20 month old and a 3 month old, LOL we have been married 18 years and both had looked forward to the kids growing up and finally having some time for just us, LOL and the SURPRISE, and another SURPRISE.. dh had a vasectomy after our 4th and then reversed 9 years later and we tried for a few years and gave up, then BANG, LOL
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  #15  
October 10th, 2006, 07:59 AM
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Kimmers05, when your parents told you at 17 they were going to have another baby how did you feel? Were you instantly happy or embaressed, mad, etc?
You and the younger ones are close you said. Did you live home long after they came along? I wonder often if my daughter will be all that close with her younger siblings because of the age difference. I imagine the 2 younger ones will be much closer since they will be 20 months apart not 15 and 16 yrs. I pray they get close.
I tell my eldest look at this way, now you wont have to be the only one responsible for feeding ME when I am old and feeble! Youll have help! LOL

K
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  #16  
October 10th, 2006, 09:44 AM
kimberlypatton@msn.com's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ok...when my parents first told us I know that I was resentful. Typical for a teenager. I don't know for sure how long that lasted. I was a bit of a rebellious child and got out of my parent's home as soon as I was graduated from HS. I know I didn't hang around much with the family from the age of 18 until I came back home at 21 (when I was done with my rebellion). That said, I have always been VERY close to home and to my mother. I DID move back into my parent's home when I was 21 and lived there until I was 26, when I bought my own house. I do believe that the time back at home did contribute to some of the closeness but it's not solely responsible for it. My older sister lived far away and only visited for holidays, etc and she is also close with the younger ones. My little brother was home a bit longer since he was 5 yrs. younger than me. I am not sure how it all happened but we've all just LOVED being around each other and we love to go back to Mom and Dad's whenever possible. My mom always just provided such a nurturing environment and it really draws us back. She's also an AWESOME grandmother (not to foget Dad...he's wonderful too!!!)...so all the more reasons to visit as often as possible. Up until two years ago I lived in the same area so I saw them all the time. Now we've moved across the state and we still see each other pretty often...just not daily/weekly. I am not sure if my answer helps at all but that's pretty much how it worked in my family. I think if you make a big deal out of your daughter being home for holidays and weekends...or whenever she has the time that she'll be able to connect and really enjoy having some siblings. The older the little ones get the more fun it is for the older ones to interact and connect. It's especially fun when the little ones are teens and the older ones are in their 30's (that was the case with me)...those were REALLY fun times. Anyhow, blessings to you and your family. I hope that your daughter will really come to cherish having the little ones around. It will really enrich her life.
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ESTHER GRACE WAS BORN ON MARCH 23RD, 2009: 4:15 PM, 9 POUNDS, 20.5 INCHES. ANOTHER WONDERFUL HOME WATER BIRTH!!!


The world today is upside down because there is so very little love in the home, and in family life. We have no time for each other. Everybody is in such a terrible rush, and so anxious…and in the home begins the disruption of the peace of the world.
-Mother Teresa~
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  #17  
October 10th, 2006, 10:25 AM
BestWishes05's Avatar Veteran
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Thanks Kimmer,
It is so nice to hear from the other perspective. It sounds like you have a wonderful family. Do you have children now?
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  #18  
October 10th, 2006, 02:03 PM
kimberlypatton@msn.com's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yes, I have a just turned 3 year old girl, an ALMOST 4 yr. old boy...and the new one is due on April 26th. I'll be 37 when this one is born. We'd love to have more but I don't know how long I'll be in childbearing years. This one will be my parent's 10th grandchild.
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ESTHER GRACE WAS BORN ON MARCH 23RD, 2009: 4:15 PM, 9 POUNDS, 20.5 INCHES. ANOTHER WONDERFUL HOME WATER BIRTH!!!


The world today is upside down because there is so very little love in the home, and in family life. We have no time for each other. Everybody is in such a terrible rush, and so anxious…and in the home begins the disruption of the peace of the world.
-Mother Teresa~
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  #19  
October 10th, 2006, 05:22 PM
BestWishes05's Avatar Veteran
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Quote:
Yes, I have a just turned 3 year old girl, an ALMOST 4 yr. old boy...and the new one is due on April 26th. I'll be 37 when this one is born. We'd love to have more but I don't know how long I'll be in childbearing years. This one will be my parent's 10th grandchild.[/b]
Congradulations
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  #20  
October 13th, 2006, 10:02 AM
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I just wanted to say a quick thank you to all you ladies!!!!

I was just on here lurking and reading some of your posts, after losing three babies the last year, I was starting to think that maybe it just wasn't meant to be and that maybe I am just too old to be thinking about having another baby and that's why we've had the losses (I turned 38 September 10th) I too am in a second marriage so we are fortunate to have older children from previous marriages but would absolutely love to have a child together.

You have all inspired me!!!! And I'm not quite ready to give up the hopes of having another baby just yet and after reading your posts, I am not feeling quite so old and helpless. Thank you again!
Karen
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1st Loss~08/14/00-No EDD
03/10/92-My beautiful daughter Kalina's Birthday!
05/12/94-My beautiful daughter Sierra's Birthday!
2nd Loss at 28 weeks~09/12/05 (Charlie's angel day - Trisomy 18)
3rd Loss at 15 weeks~03/04/06-EDD 08/23/06
4th Loss at 9 1/2 weeks~09/12/06-EDD 04/08/07
5th Loss at 9 1/2 weeks~girl 01/14/08-EDD 07/23/08
6th Loss at 19 weeks~10/04/08 (Joey's angel Day - Cord accident)</div>

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