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Doc said take it easy. Not getting the help I need.


Forum: Pregnancy Over 35

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  #1  
November 2nd, 2006, 09:38 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 66
Went to the doc Wednesday. I have been having some pains off and on the last few days, usually when I am doing chores, carrying the baby around, or out at the store. Doc said it is likely a sign of my body preparing for labor. He explained that since the baby is so big, my body thinks it is further into the pregnancy than it is, and I may go into labor early. I have a little over a month to go.

Of course we don't want that to happen, so he told me to take it easy. He said to stay off my feet as much as possible and try not to over do it. I explained all this to hubby and he said he would take care of everything, to just take it easy. I have yet to see him or my teen son do the chores

I usually get fed up late at night when nothing has been done, and try to do it myself. I just don't know what to do. I can't stand sitting here in a mess while clothes and dishes pile up and trash starts smelling.

Are you all getting the help you need from your families? How do you inspire them? Are your hubby's helping you carry the load?
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  #2  
November 2nd, 2006, 01:35 PM
tdjjjjf's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 1,060
(((((hugs))))) I must say that my kids are a HUGE help!! Nothing from DH, I don't think I could pull him away from his online Texas hold em long enough to do anything else . My 15 year old son vaccums the whole house daily and cleans the kids bathroom every Friday. My 6 year old takes down the laundry daily and takes the trash out every day. My daughter puts away everyones clean laundry daily and also helps clean up the kitchen and cleams the family room every Friday. I think I am spoiled. I know that I am very thankful because I know that I could not do it without them!! They are awesome!!! Hope things start looking up for you because I am sure you need the help!! In fact my son loves to vaccum, and if you lived close he would actually love to bring the dyson over and do the vaccuming for you!!! lol


Donna
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  #3  
November 2nd, 2006, 04:41 PM
Delsol's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Colorado USA
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Dear Mom2MJLR, I feel for you.

My husband means well when he tells me to 'take it easy' too, but still seems to forget all too easily that I am pregnant and not up to my usual snuff. Like yours, my husband says he will help out more but still lets housework pile up. I don't like harping on him about it. Ultimately, I decided I simply won't let it bother me. It's difficult. My family room currently has dried leaves scattered on the carpet, tracked in from outside. I resist the urge to vacuum them up every day (because every day there are more!). I'll vacuum once this weekend. Getting worked up over it won't get it done, and doing it isn't good for me or the little one. You know? I know this too shall pass - better to focus on the fun, positive parts of being with child.

My husband and I also run a company together. It's in a demanding field that requires concentration and attention to detail. His uncanny forgetfulness about my being pregnant bothers me in that arena most. My brain simply isn't sharp, and I tire easily. The ironic part is I KNOW he is truly trying to help! He knows I am not myself, yet.... he just can't seem to help himself. He consistently forgets. I touch my stomache a lot in front of him as if to say, "Yoo hoo! Remember? We've got a BABY growing in here. Cut us some slack!" Ha ha. He's a good man. I'm sure your husband is, too. What can I say? Men are just a tad... dense! (grin)

Hope you feel better soon. Oh! Years ago when I was working a great deal and couldn't get to the housework, I hired Molly Maid service to come clean the home once a week. The price back then ('98?)was reasonable - something like $45 a visit, and they did EVERYTHING. The apartment wasn't very big, but I remember they were willing to do just certain rooms for less if I wanted. If you really can't stand the mess, get an estimate for your house or the messiest rooms. You might be able to swing it for a month or two... maybe every other week or something. It's worth the money... buy back your peace. (smile)
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  #4  
November 3rd, 2006, 07:52 AM
mpwife_89's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 169
Im sorry you arent getting the help you DESERVE..... Since they dont want to step up, is it possible to get someone to come in a couple days a week to help out with the cleaning? Maybe a student or single parent who needs a few extra dollars?
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  #5  
November 4th, 2006, 10:36 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 66
Thanks for the support everyone. My friends and mom keep telling me "don't worry about the house", but they don't have to live in it lol. Funny, they haven't volunteered to pitch in either

Unfortunately with our current budget we just can't afford hiring anyone. We're really covered with bills at the moment and trying to get out from under them before the baby comes.

I have resolved to just do what I can, at a very slow, stress-free, relaxed pace. If I get something done, good for me. If not, oh well.. I'm trying real hard not to let it bother me. I'm also asking very specific things of my son and hubby, one small thing at a time, as to not confuse or overwhelm them LOL
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  #6  
November 4th, 2006, 12:05 PM
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Mom2
I am sorry you are on "modified bed rest". I know it is hard. I have 3 teenagers and they think helping out is picking up their bedrooms and messes that they make Hello.......what about the garbage and feeding the 4 animals that you begged for They look at me like I have grown "horns" at times. I hate having "meltdowns" and try my best not too. I am glad you wrote them specific lists of things you need done hopefully that will help. Hang in there, Tami
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  #7  
November 6th, 2006, 12:51 PM
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Hey, try this....

Once I did say very matter of factly... So, I am calling a housekeeper tomorrow morning to set something up. What works better for you, mornings or evenings. I am telling you that man of mine got to work so fast my head spun around. If you sound like you mean it and are not backing down, they will get it done. Anything to not have to pay someone, lol.


OR.... Men need to be coached sometimes. If you can find a way to say it with a Can You Please Help Me? attitude, not sounding frusterated (which you have every right to be), when he says, yes, ask him to please vaccuum the leaves off the carpet. Start with something small, then work your way up. If he does that, tell him how grateful you are and why. You feel better when the house is neat and the Dr. told you to take it easy.

If he still is not helping you... I am sorry. He is a stinker. I would stop cooking for him and washing his clothes for sure.

Good luck.
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  #8  
November 6th, 2006, 01:11 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2006
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Quote:
Hey, try this....

Once I did say very matter of factly... So, I am calling a housekeeper tomorrow morning to set something up. What works better for you, mornings or evenings. I am telling you that man of mine got to work so fast my head spun around. If you sound like you mean it and are not backing down, they will get it done. Anything to not have to pay someone, lol.


OR.... Men need to be coached sometimes. If you can find a way to say it with a Can You Please Help Me? attitude, not sounding frusterated (which you have every right to be), when he says, yes, ask him to please vaccuum the leaves off the carpet. Start with something small, then work your way up. If he does that, tell him how grateful you are and why. You feel better when the house is neat and the Dr. told you to take it easy.

If he still is not helping you... I am sorry. He is a stinker. I would stop cooking for him and washing his clothes for sure.

Good luck.[/b]
LOL.. well, that all sounds good.

BUT

I pay the bills, so any threat of hiring someone wouldn't phase him a bit. I just know we can't afford it. He'd probably not even react, or just say "oh, good."

Stop cooking or washing his clothes.. he could care less lol. He would fix himself some food, and let the laundry pile up a couple weeks while he cycled through his clothes. Then I suppose he would wash a load.

I do ask him to do specific, small things, and praise him, thank him, and compliment him up one side and down the other. I try to use that philosophy of positive renforcement lol. Well, it just never "sticks". I ALWAYS have to ask, and I'm so sick of asking. He knows he needs to do certain things - feed the big dogs, take out the trash , etc. But, it never gets done without my reminding (after days have gone by).

Or.. he will do a fantastic job on the house one day, and I'll think he's finally stepped it up. Then the very next day, its back to the same old same old with very little getting done at all, and already piling up again.

Oh well.. I'm SO TIRED of talking about it, asking, reminding, writing notes.... I'm SICK OF IT. So I give up. If it gets done, it gets done. If not, I'll work on it a little bit at a time.
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