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Forum: Pregnancy Over 35

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  #1  
March 19th, 2007, 03:16 PM
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 33
Now that Ive introduced myself in a previous post I'm going to tell everyone why I came to Just Mommies. I found it on a Google search basically trying to find information on how to help my 15 year old daughter Tara who we just discovered this weekend is pregnant. I'm beyond knowing what to do, Ive got her information about adoption which she dosen't want to look at, she says she is keeping her baby. I'm not sure if I should try to push the adoption thing or if I should just let her find out for herself just how hard her life is going to be. We live in a small country town and a friend at school blabbed about her being pregnant and now naturally the whole school knows. The baby's dad is denying the whole thing and she is torn apart by all of this. She wont let me help, she locked herself in her room wont come out to eat or anything. I need help with this so if anyone has any ideas please help. I need all that I can get and so dose my family.

~Amanda~
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  #2  
March 19th, 2007, 06:01 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Coastal Carolina
Posts: 825
Hi,

My advice:

Pray, alot.

Listen and never ever tell her what she must do....a 15 year old will do the opposite.

Pray some more.

Blessings ^j^
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  #3  
March 19th, 2007, 06:27 PM
MyMiracleBaby's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 3,459
I have a 16 year old, and the above poster is right...if you demand something, she'll do the opposite! Get her to a counselor at Planned Parenthood right away. If not there, then turn to your regular OB-gyn and make an appointment. She needs to talk to some adult professionals and find out her options (from someone other than you). Anything you tell her, she is going to try and say you are trying to tell her what to do. My ob has a doctor that specializes in nothing but teen pregnancy. Check with your local doctors to see if there is one like that in your area.

I'm really sorry to hear about what you are going through with her, and I know it must be tough. Just know that it's not the end of the world, just the beginning of a long hard road. As far as the boy goes, take it to child support after the child is born, and they will demand paternity tests through the court if he refuses to fess up.

Don't forget to check with your local social services for everything she will be eligible for.
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  #4  
March 20th, 2007, 03:47 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Illinois
Posts: 6,495
Amanda, I am sorry for your dilemma. It must be really difficult. As for your daughter, everyone is right, she has to decide for herself what she is going to do. The dr that specializes in teen pregnancy sounds like the best approach as then it just seems like a dr visit. Planned parenthood or other counseling could still be seen as you trying to push what you want on her. She is so young, but I remember thinking I owned the world at 15!!! Pray, pray and pray some more that she can make the right decisions! My thoughts will be with you!!!
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  #5  
March 20th, 2007, 10:50 AM
Denise66's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 5,080
Amanda I am sorry for what you are going through. I do not want to imagine how difficult it is. I have two teenage daughters myself. Adoption would be best for her as she is still so young. But you have to be so careful how you approach her. Like someone said the more you push the more she will go the other way. Pray for direction and wisdom on how to handle this situation.

We are here whenever you want to talk!

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  #6  
March 20th, 2007, 11:41 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 33
Well I had a little talk with her today, She stayed home from school due to her not feeling well which is to be expected, But she better not think its going to happen ever time she gets a bout of morning sickness. I told her its part of pregnancy and like everyone else she has to deal with it. Ive told her different ways she can help make it not so bad and I'm going to talk to the school and see if they will allow her to have water and crackers with her in every class.

I showed her all of the things I have found online about adoption and let her take them to look over, I don't really think she is going to consider it. She plain out yelled to me that its her baby and she will do what she wants with it. I'm trying to help her and I think she thinks Im trying to tell her what to do.

~Amanda~
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  #7  
March 20th, 2007, 03:12 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Illinois
Posts: 6,495
I know it is hard, but maybe if you just don't mention the "a" word for a while, eventually she will be (slightly) more receptive to it. How far along is she? I wonder if you did some research into Teen PG on the internet and found groups (like JM) where there are a lot of young teen moms and then give some of the sites to her she can do her own "research". There have to be other girls out there who can tell her how difficult it is or maybe older girls who can tell her what it was like for them. Maybe they could provide her with insightto help her make the decision..... Or on the other side of the coin, girls who decided to give their babies up for adoption and what that was like for them, how they made their decisions, why, etc...... Unfortunately, it is probably something that you have to give her a little space on, no matter how hard it is.... I'd also be willing to bet that part of her defensiveness is that she is really scared, too.
We are all here for you whenever you need to talk!!

((HUGS))
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  #8  
March 20th, 2007, 03:56 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,166
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry that your family has to go through this. Every one is right about pushing her to do anything at this point, it will only make her do the opposite. The idea of her "own" little baby is probably a novelty. I remember being that age. She should spend some time with someone who has a newborn, maybe babysit for them. It is always good to find a young mom and let your daughter spend time taking care of the baby (with the mom close by for emergencies). They don't realize how much work it involves. Sometimes after a night with a crying baby and no sleep, they will think twice. They really don't realize that they can't run around with their friends and go to the movies or do most anything they are used to. I will pray for your family, it is a very tough time, I'm sure.
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  #9  
March 20th, 2007, 05:04 PM
Denise66's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 5,080
Is she more determined to have the baby because she knows mom is having a baby as well? Pregnancy Resources or some are called Crisis Pregnancy Centers. They are very helpful in situations like this. It is free and they give direction and counsel the girls as needed. Keep a open line of communication with her. Let her know you are there for her at all times. She has to be scared even if she isn't showing it.
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  #10  
March 21st, 2007, 10:52 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 25
Quote:
Now that Ive introduced myself in a previous post I'm going to tell everyone why I came to Just Mommies. I found it on a Google search basically trying to find information on how to help my 15 year old daughter Tara who we just discovered this weekend is pregnant. I'm beyond knowing what to do, Ive got her information about adoption which she dosen't want to look at, she says she is keeping her baby. I'm not sure if I should try to push the adoption thing or if I should just let her find out for herself just how hard her life is going to be. We live in a small country town and a friend at school blabbed about her being pregnant and now naturally the whole school knows. The baby's dad is denying the whole thing and she is torn apart by all of this. She wont let me help, she locked herself in her room wont come out to eat or anything. I need help with this so if anyone has any ideas please help. I need all that I can get and so dose my family.

~Amanda~[/b]
My oldest daughter now is 19 years old and when I found out she could be pregnant of course I panicked but she took a test and it was negative this happen when she was around 16 years old and my advice to you is don't fuss at her right now give her a chance to talk to you on her own. Teenagers feel when they parents talks to them over and over about the same thing their fussing so just listen to her and when she wants to talk listen and I am sure that will be soon. then offer her your advice and don't say you better or you will do this just tell her what some of the choices that are out there. talk and tell her it is hard out there just tell about life.
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