February 22nd, 2011, 06:21 PM
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Host of Surrogate Mommies
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Iowa
Posts: 508
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So you want to be a surrogate? You heard a news story about surrogacy, have a friend suffering with infertility or just happened to watch the few Lifetime channel movies regarding it.
So now what? Well...first things first. You have to know this is something that is not easy. It is not a quick payday, it does not always have a sunny story book ending and sometimes people are not who they seem.
You need to talk with your spouse, friends and family. See how they feel about surrogacy. Talk with them as adults, keep the drama out of it and truly show them why you feel so strongly about surrogacy. Show them examples of celebrities and talk about how amazing it would be to help someone who is physically unable to carry themselves. Allow them to tell you their feelings, some will realize that it may just be fear they are holding onto. Fear that you may end up hurt or sick.
After you have the talk, make sure everyone is on board. They may not have to like your choice, some family members or friends may not feel comfortable with the subject. But the most important one has to be your spouse. If they are not on board, then it may not be the right time. Most clinics and agencies want the spouse to sign contracts, get STD tested and other important steps. If they are not on board, you will not match easily and it will cause tension at home, something you do not need.
Next is the research. Read and read and read some more. Learn about the different types of surrogacy. Read the good and the bad. If you only look at the good, you may end up hurt for not being fully prepared for the worst.
Next, join a message board. Get to know people who are in the surrogacy world. Ask questions. Learn about their journeys. Respect that they do know more than you and that one day, you will be in their shoes and will get why they are the way they are. Learn the terms that go with surrogacy and how to use them correctly. Most importantly.....learn how to spell SURROGATE correctly. Nothing irritates people more on a message board where you can't even spell what you want to be. LOL
After all of your research and approval from loved ones, talk to your doctor. If you are overweight, most clinics will not work with you. It has medical issues that can become worse during pregnancy, including hypertension and gestational diabetes. You may also want to make sure that you are current on certain tests like a Pap Smear and STD testing. That will save a lot of time later in the matching process to have all of that ready to go. Some clinics also have restrictions on C-section limits. Some agencies do as well. Most are 3. So if you already have had 3 csections, your options will be much more limited to couples that are willing to use you as their surrogate. Speaking from experience, I have had three csections, I have a clinic/agency and IF's that all support the 4th csection only because I have had 3 doctors clear me for pregnancy again.
And the final part of the first steps is your insurance. Get a copy of your insurance booklet from your employer or local insurance agent. This is very important as most Intended Parents want the surrogate to have her own insurance to use during the pregnancy. If your insurance carrier has a clause stating that they will not cover a pregnancy that is for surrogacy purposes, you can't and won't be able to use your insurance. This will be a huge deal breaker in the matching phases. Some agencies do have couples that are willing to purchase insurance for the surrogate, but it is not common practice. And there are not many insurance companies that allow surrogate pregnancies to be covered and the ones specializing in maternity coverage are VERY high priced.
After the talk, acceptance by your spouse, research and reading is to a place you feel comfortable with, clearance from your doctor and insurance is situated, you are free and clear to move on to the next phase---MATCHING!!!
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