Log In Sign Up

reasons to go independent or not?


Forum: Surrogate Mommies

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Surrogate Mommies LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
February 23rd, 2011, 03:46 PM
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 18
was wondering what are all the reasons that a surrogate will go independent, as I see some do go through agencies, and some do not.
Let me try to guess a few of the reasons, and if anyone can add, or comment further, then thank you.
Well, I guess some of the reasons can be bad ones. I'm sure it happens in the world of surrogacy. Since they can be real, but tragic reasons, for going independent, I'll list them any way.
a. go independent to avoid the entire application process of the agencies (medical history, psychological, etc)
b. go independent to keep the journey totally private for themselves and their family.
c. go independent to keep the journey totally private for the IP's.
d. (hate to say this but I'm sure it has happened) go independent for the purpose of scamming. I'm aware of a surrogate who had a rather low base fee. Being low, it attracted the interest of a couple. The surrogate asked for a deposit of about $2000. Again the IP's were quite interested and sent the money. As you might expect, the e-mail address of the surrogate changed. The couple was out of state and the amount was too small to pursue legally, as well as the emotional toll on their family, so they just abandoned it, and let it be a "lesson learned" and they then went to an agency.
e. ?
f. ?
etc.
Can anyone give some more reasons for a surrogate to go independent?
And let's look at the reverse.
What are all the reasons to go with an agency?
I'll try again to list a few I can think of.
a. being properly represented.
b. the agency can probably refer them to a good lawyer and RE.
c. the agency can help them screen IP's for a match.
d. ?
e. ?
Can anyone give some more reasons for a surrogate to use an agency?
Thanks
Reply With Quote
  #2  
February 24th, 2011, 02:20 AM
NCAMomma's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 109
Using an agency or not is a very personal choice.

Your comments above don't really work if a person is going to help as a GS though. No matter what they will be required to be medically screened by the doctor they are working with, either the parents, doctor or state can require a psych eval. The privacy matters will also be offered through an agency at a much higher level than going indy. Going indy often means you need to put yourself out there publicly in order to find a match where as with an agency you privatly sign up and they keep "who" the parties are private until they have chosen to work together at which time only the parties know who they are matched with not the entire internet that was used for ads in order to match. Also on your reasons to go with an agency- Even surrogates going indy need proper legal representation. They will/should be setting up legal contracts with lawyers so the parents nor the surrogate has to worry about the locating of other professionals though.

There are pros and cons to both ways. In my opinion an agency should set both parties free to focus on the friendship without the hassle of the business details. If a surrogate works with an agency that has a large client base of intended parents it can also assist in matching faster than going indy. The agency should advocate for both parties through out the arrangement and help mediate any concerns or issues for either party.

Some surrogates and parents would rather be hands on in every aspect including the locating/screening each other and locating other professionals and for them indy would be a better choice. For the parents the bonus is they do not have an agency fee.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #3  
February 24th, 2011, 08:07 AM
MommaJones's Avatar Host of Surrogate Mommies
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Iowa
Posts: 509
Send a message via Yahoo to MommaJones Send a message via Skype™ to MommaJones
Quote:
Originally Posted by susan75 View Post
was wondering what are all the reasons that a surrogate will go independent, as I see some do go through agencies, and some do not.
Let me try to guess a few of the reasons, and if anyone can add, or comment further, then thank you. Well, I guess some of the reasons can be bad ones. I'm sure it happens in the world of surrogacy. Since they can be real, but tragic reasons, for going independent, I'll list them any way.

a. go independent to avoid the entire application process of the agencies (medical history, psychological, etc)

In a sense, I get this response and feel that yes, some surrogates would like to skip these things all together. But in the real world, it won't ever happen. Especially in the Gestational Surrogacy journey because almost all clinics want a medical history and a psych evaluation done on both the surrogate and the Intended parents. I was a TS in 2007 and we used an OBGYN for an IUI and did not have to do psych evals, only because both of us signed off stating we trusted in each other that we didn't feel the need to do one. Very rare, but it does happen. In GS, not so much because fertility clinics usually have that all setup in their packages that they offer to the Intended Parents when they first contact the clinic.

b. go independent to keep the journey totally private for themselves and their family.
Again, I get where you are coming from, but unless you are a TS who is doing home insems, then this will not apply. In a GS cycle, you will have clinics, doctors and nurses all who will be included in your journey. The RE is a very important part of that, as is a possible egg donor if that option is used. So while keeping things private can happen, like in a celebrity case, it probably won't happen in a typical surrogacy case.\


c. go independent to keep the journey totally private for the IP's.
This could happen, some intended parents take steps to make sure everything is very private. But, in that case, they will almost ALWAYS have an agency FOR that reason alone. Having an agency in the middle will keep everything private and most celebrity couples use specific agencies for that reason.


d. (hate to say this but I'm sure it has happened) go independent for the purpose of scamming. I'm aware of a surrogate who had a rather low base fee. Being low, it attracted the interest of a couple. The surrogate asked for a deposit of about $2000. Again the IP's were quite interested and sent the money. As you might expect, the e-mail address of the surrogate changed. The couple was out of state and the amount was too small to pursue legally, as well as the emotional toll on their family, so they just abandoned it, and let it be a "lesson learned" and they then went to an agency.
This would be the most plausible case for having an indy journey. Nothing can be for sure. You could be speaking with someone who scams for money. There are also cases where the IP's play games and have multiple surrogates setup and the one that is the cheapest they will go with and they will dump everyone else. While I was matching back in 2006, there was a couple who got all the way up to the day they were supposed to fly to my hometown to meet us and then she emailed saying she was sick and never heard from her again. Found out she had found a local surrogate and they had gotten pregnant. I was upset, but no contracts had been started with us and they were only technically keeping me going in case the one surro didn't get pregnant.



e. The number one reason you choose to go indy is because of money. Most IP's are not rich, famous and have millions of dollars just sitting around for the use of the journey. So cutting out the costs of the agency saves them money. Most surrogates go independent because it may be just plain simpler. They can charge what they want, use their own contracts and they want to save the IP's some money.
f. Another reason could simply be because the surrogate does not match what an agency is looking for. Quite a few agencies will refuse to work with a surrogate who has had over 3 csections. I am one of those surrogates. I have had three sections, but have been cleared by 2 RE's and my OBGYN to have another pregnancy and csection, but the agencies refused to work with me. One actually did and that is how I met my current IF's. Other things could be BMI, restrictions on college education or simply because going with an agency means having a middle person in between everything. Luckily our agency does not get in the middle and allows us to communicate as we see fit. Some agencies want to be included in everything you do as a matched SM and IP.
etc.


Can anyone give some more reasons for a surrogate to go independent?
And let's look at the reverse.
What are all the reasons to go with an agency?


I'll try again to list a few I can think of.
a. being properly represented.
And hopefully people realize that some agencies can be out to scam as well. You have to do your research and choose an agency with a good background history, up to date information on their website and good results of matching and pregnancies. If you have a smaller agency who has a reputation of taking a year to match a surrogate, than you probably don't want to go with that agency.


b. the agency can probably refer them to a good lawyer and RE.
Yes and no. Some agencies can give you names of lawyers and RE's. Most couples already have a fertility clinic ready to go when they go to an agency. Some agencies just match the couples and that is it. They take the guess work out of trying to match. But yes, there are some agencies who could do this for their couples/surrogate.


c. the agency can help them screen IP's for a match.
This is probably the biggest reason to use an agency. Almost all agencies now will do background checks on both couples and the surrogate. This prevents a lot of scamming from not happening. It also gives both the surrogate and the intended parents the comfort of knowing that the match they have is safe and reliable. Though some bad things could still happen, its less rare when you are matched through an agency.


d. When I went to be a surrogate for the first time, I started off indy, but then switched to an agency. Mainly because I was new and was scared that I would screw something up or not get something done on time. The agency sent me the check every month out of an escrow account, instead of relying on the IP's to pay me monthly (not that MY IP's would have done that, but as other surros might think having the agency send the check each month is more of a promise that you will get your money). Also, the agency made sure all of our stuff was in order for the birth and they kept money talk away from me an the IP's. We never had to discuss any type of financial stuff because the agency took care of all of it.


e. This time I went with an agency because I knew I would be matched sooner than had I tried to go indy. Waiting for people to email me back or answer my ad was getting to be a really long process. Having an agency gave me matches within 2 weeks of me signing on and I was able to choose my IF's and get going on everything much faster.

Can anyone give some more reasons for a surrogate to use an agency?
Thanks
Hope that helps, I added my feelings in there as well!
__________________
Bethany
Mommy to Damon TS to Kyle 10/07 GS for E and R--WE ARE PREGNANT!!
Try 1--Sept 2010 negative Try 2--Jan 2011 negative
Try 3--May 2011-miscarried at 5 weeks
Transfer 4---PREGNANT!!! BFP @ 5.5dp3dt Beta at 11dp3dt was 164.6

Ultrasound showed TWO BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Reply With Quote
  #4  
February 24th, 2011, 09:50 AM
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 18
When I used the word "represented" I did not mean legally. A lawyer is always recommended.
I just meant, being under the roof of an agency to help them with matching, etc.

Well, I looked at some classifieds to just see what type ads were there.
I saw a "surrogate for IP's ad, and the surrogate was very firm in saying "no agency."

So, that is part of my question, why would a surrogate insist on no agency?

Yes, the cost of an agency could mean the difference between being able to afford it, or not. I'm sure some IP's make sacrifices to be parents.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
February 24th, 2011, 10:00 AM
MommaJones's Avatar Host of Surrogate Mommies
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Iowa
Posts: 509
Send a message via Yahoo to MommaJones Send a message via Skype™ to MommaJones
Like I said, some agencies require certain things out of surrogates, like less than 3 sections, or a certain BMI or a college degree.

And some surrogates might be saying "No Agency" in their ad meaning no agencies need to contact them. Some agencies go through the classifieds and email surrogates to try and "enlist" them in their agency. So by putting no agency in the ad, the agency won't email them.
__________________
Bethany
Mommy to Damon TS to Kyle 10/07 GS for E and R--WE ARE PREGNANT!!
Try 1--Sept 2010 negative Try 2--Jan 2011 negative
Try 3--May 2011-miscarried at 5 weeks
Transfer 4---PREGNANT!!! BFP @ 5.5dp3dt Beta at 11dp3dt was 164.6

Ultrasound showed TWO BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Reply With Quote
  #6  
February 24th, 2011, 10:07 AM
NCAMomma's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by susan75 View Post
When I used the word "represented" I did not mean legally. A lawyer is always recommended.
I just meant, being under the roof of an agency to help them with matching, etc.

Well, I looked at some classifieds to just see what type ads were there.
I saw a "surrogate for IP's ad, and the surrogate was very firm in saying "no agency."

So, that is part of my question, why would a surrogate insist on no agency?

Yes, the cost of an agency could mean the difference between being able to afford it, or not. I'm sure some IP's make sacrifices to be parents.

In my experience the people putting NO AGENCIES in ads have already explored the agency option and have found they do not qualify due to either pregnancy complications or background check that they hope will not come up in an indy match. The other reason they may have previously worked with an agency and had a bad experience. Even good agencies are not a good match personality wise with everyone.
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:37 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0