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  #1  
March 8th, 2011, 12:02 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 18
IP's and GS matched through an agency.
Transfer date set.
GS had side effects from Lupron.
IVF completed.
GS gets the flu from a friend.
Transfer failed (cause was the flu?)
GS and agent have different views.
GS walks away from contract.
GS is paid nominal transfer fee.
IP's were able to afford to try again.
Was this a rushed or bad match?
How much time is there between a match and a transfer date?
Thinking about all parties, the IP's had a good amount of cost already paid (legal for themselves and the GS for the contract, the agency fees, the cost of IVF and meds)
Why did the "different views" become a problem after the failed transfer?
Did the flu cause the failed transfer or just bad luck for the IP's with 3 fresh embryos?
I guess everyone can be on the same page and as time goes by the agent and the GS encounter issues working together. I know this couple experienced an emotional and financial tragedy.

Any views on why this ended after the IVF?
I doubt the GS went through all that just for a small transfer fee.

Thank you.
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  #2  
March 8th, 2011, 05:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by susan75 View Post
IP's and GS matched through an agency. Transfer date set. GS had side effects from Lupron.
IVF completed. GS gets the flu from a friend. Transfer failed (cause was the flu?)
GS and agent have different views. GS walks away from contract.
GS is paid nominal transfer fee. IP's were able to afford to try again.
Was this a rushed or bad match? How much time is there between a match and a transfer date?
Thinking about all parties, the IP's had a good amount of cost already paid (legal for themselves and the GS for the contract, the agency fees, the cost of IVF and meds)
Why did the "different views" become a problem after the failed transfer?
Did the flu cause the failed transfer or just bad luck for the IP's with 3 fresh embryos?
I guess everyone can be on the same page and as time goes by the agent and the GS encounter issues working together. I know this couple experienced an emotional and financial tragedy.
Any views on why this ended after the IVF? I doubt the GS went through all that just for a small transfer fee. Thank you.

Okay so they matched through an agency. Signed contracts, everything was going good. Had the transfer. Then the GS got the flu, transfer failed. GS and agency have it out, GS walks away.

So, did the GS walk away because of issues with the agency or with the couple? It very well could have been a rushed match. I know sometimes going through an agency things can go either way. My first surrogate pregnancy we were matched in November, contracts in December, IUI and pregnant in January. It all happened soooo fast. Then again, I have been with my IF's for a year now and still no pregnancy, so it can happen super slow too.

The different views after the IVF could have been about things that were not discussed before hand. Maybe the GS went to a friends house knowing the friend was sick, and the IP's got upset that she put herself in that position. Maybe the surrogate was a nurse working at a hospital and got sick while being at work and the IP's were under the assumption she was taking off from work. Maybe the surrogate walked away because of issues with the agency and it had nothing to do with the IP's.


Sometimes you can be matched for a few weeks and then get on meds and transfer within a few months, sometimes you can be matched for months and not transfer for a long time. It all really depends on each individual person and what they are comfortable with. Some IP's are ready to go, with frozen eggs, or an egg donor already matched and on meds, just needing a surrogate to complete the picture. Some IP's don't have anything ready to go and are just starting by searching for the surrogate first or at the same time as they are looking for egg donors or what ever they need to do to get started.


As far as the flu causing the failed transfer....I guess it can. If the body is feeling wore down, sick, the body might attack the virus and at the same time, attach the embryos causing them to not attach and the transfer will have failed. I was sick at the time of my 2nd transfer, with a cold, and it failed. But the doctor said that the issues were from egg quality NOT because I was sick. Failed transfers can happen to anyone. You can have perfect eggs, perfect womb, and still fail. Sometimes things just happen and you can't explain them. Having 2 failed cycles this year really made me realize that sometimes you just can't control everything, you have to just accept what happened and move on.


And if she had gotten pregnant, things might have been okay for a while, gotten rocky towards the end and the pregnancy could have ended on bad terms with a rocky relationship after the birth. You really can't know unless you are going through the situation yourself. Maybe there were red flags that the surrogate seen only after going through a failed transfer. When things don't happen, you see a side of people that you normally wouldn't see. Maybe the couple became very upset and had a hard time dealing with the failed cycle. Maybe they felt that the surrogate was to blame for getting the flu. I mean its really hard to judge the situation when I am on the outside having just a few details of what happened.

Matches fail all of the time. Sometimes people walk away and never say what happened. Sometimes people feel a bad feeling about the other person involved with they journey and they walk away for fear of something going wrong.
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Bethany
Mommy to Damon TS to Kyle 10/07 GS for E and R--WE ARE PREGNANT!!
Try 1--Sept 2010 negative Try 2--Jan 2011 negative
Try 3--May 2011-miscarried at 5 weeks
Transfer 4---PREGNANT!!! BFP @ 5.5dp3dt Beta at 11dp3dt was 164.6

Ultrasound showed TWO BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





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  #3  
March 9th, 2011, 12:00 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommaJones View Post

Matches fail all of the time. Sometimes people walk away and never say what happened. Sometimes people feel a bad feeling about the other person involved with they journey and they walk away for fear of something going wrong.
Thanks for your previous reply.
I have more details.
This former TS wanted to be a GS. Matched through an agency and the RE used lupron, and not the alternative drugs that are out there. The GS had side effects from the drug, and the side effects are similar to menapuase(?) Pregnant women without drugs can have ups and downs, mood swings, etc. so, I doubt the side effects of lupron caused the GS to walk away. The GS says they got the flu after the IVF and that the transfer failed. Whether it was due to the flu or whether it was because there were only 3 fresh embryos not sure. Also, not sure if the "walkaway" was before or after the IVF. Regardless of before, or after, the legal fees and all agency fees had been paid. If it did come after the IVF then the RE got paid too. With fresh embryos, and the GS backing out, the IP's were fortunately able to afford to keep going, freeze the embryos, and find a new GS. If the walkway by the GS, was after the IVF then the couple lost their 3 fresh. The GS said that she and the agent had different views.
Sad that these differences were not know before the match. An agency in a western state said it is "a business" so everyone is in it for the money, ethically in an ideal world.
If this match was not a good match and headed to failure, well, the agency and lawyer and RE got about $20,000-30,000 between the 3 of them.
I find it hard to believe, that a GS would go through all that process of applying, travelling thousands of miles, meds, etc. just to make a small $1200 transfer fee. There are easier ways to make $1200.
So, the agent said the GS had issues with her spouse and could not travel without her kids and just could not meet the agendas of the RE (not different agendas in this case, but the same agendas they have for all their cycles)
Again, too bad this was not known "upfront."

Now the GS says there was a 2nd IVF, and not through that same agent. At this IVF there were 2 frozen from 9 years earlier, and at the time, the donor was age 38. So, all parties were told that the chance of pregnancy was about 20%. The transfer failed to achieve a pregnancy, and the 80% odds won out. The couple were in their late 40's and had no more frozen, had to pay the transfer fee and go a different direction.

So, for the first match through an agency the questions are:
Did the GS walk away because of different views than the agent?
Did the GS walk away because of the strict rules of the RE?
Did the GS walk away before or after the IVF? (keeping in mind that 3 people - lawyers, agent, and RE were paid)

And why were the differences and the rules all agreed upon before the match?

If it was a bad match them maybe this agent, lawyer and RE, are to be avoided?
I know the GS should be avoided, because she walked away from the contract.

We have friends who communicated with this surrogate through classifieds and slowly the details came out. At this point, the agent and the surrogate are no longer giving details. Obviously the GS walked, either because of a combination of lupron side effects, guilt that the flu they got after IVF caused the failed pregnancy or:
1. they and the agent had different views (this is what the GS says)
2. they and the RE had differences and the GS own family situation caused her not to be able to stick to the RE's protocol (this is what the agent says)

Research shows all agencies, and businesses in general, have complaints, so no business is perfect.

Was this a good match that developed problems over time?
(the GS and IP's were FINE with each other)

It was either the views of the GS and agent differed, or the GS could not stick to the RE's rules.
Either way the agent, legal and possibly IVF fees had been paid and that is tragic (if it was a bad match from day one)

Aren't there forced matches?
Example: agency has 10 surrogates, 5 will work with gay couples, only 3 will work with a specific gay couple, and the IP's are then left with having to choose from only 3 surrogates, and in a way forced to pick one of the 3 (limited choices) or try somewhere else.

Do IP's have to pay to get a match?
I'm not speaking of the contract phase and afterward, I mean the actual point at which there is, or is not, or can, or can not, be a suitable match with this agent and their pool of surrogates.
And the are limitations involved like location, number of surrogates, number of surrogates willing to work with same sex couples, limited surrogates willing to work with a specific set of IP's, and then the IP's also wanting to have some choices, but only have a couple or 3 surrogates to consider.

Comfortable, suitable, mutually agreeable matches are not automatic or guaranteed, in a set amount of time. What cost should my friends expect to pay to get a suitable match?
Some agencies have a fee that include "everything" when alot of that "everything" won't happen if there is no match. What cost should IP's be prepared to pay to get a match?

Are there agencies that have a "total" fee but that fee is broken down into stages, like matching, contract phase, etc.?

This couple knows that the above GS is not suitable. Whether the entire loop of agent, RE, and legal are to be avoided as well, not sure.

Actually it seems the information given by the GS says that there was no scam involved. They admitted they walked away and why.
However the reason they walked away, differ from agent to GS.

Typed fast, hopefully no mispelled words.

Thanks again.
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  #4  
March 15th, 2011, 10:46 PM
NCAMomma's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 109
That's a whole lot of hypothetical that doesn't even follow or add up.

Answer is simple- There is no simple reason a match doesn't continue and unless you are in the match personally and can speak for your own part, no one else can guess why or what really happened and there is no benefit to speculating on the complex relationships of others.
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  #5  
March 20th, 2011, 12:30 PM
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCAMomma View Post
That's a whole lot of hypothetical that doesn't even follow or add up.

Answer is simple- There is no simple reason a match doesn't continue and unless you are in the match personally and can speak for your own part, no one else can guess why or what really happened and there is no benefit to speculating on the complex relationships of others.
The match ended after the transfer of two failed.
The IP's asked for another GS and got one.
This dismissed GS had her own kids and had been a successful TS.
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