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My husband and I have been trying for years to have a baby - unsuccessfully. My best friend of many years was offering all along to be a surrogate if we need to visit that option. We are now at that point. I have PCOS and was not at all responsive to the fertility medication (Clomid, etc) and had severe, intolerable side effects.
Earlier this week, my friend "Sasha" (I of course don't want to use her real name) very seriously proposed that we utilize her as a Traditional Surrogate since we aren't able to get viable eggs from myself. She is 26 years old and has never had a child of her own. She is very adamant that she doesn't want any children in the next 5 years and may never want any. She is not very financially stable. She works in a hospital, does not drink or smoke. Her health is very good. She does carry EXCELLENT health insurance, so that is not an issue.
We love the idea of her having the baby for us. She is even willing to live with us throughout the entire pregnancy so that we can help he when need be, easily transport to Dr appts, be there for emergencies, etc. The only thing she asks in return is that we do not tell the baby until it is a teenager or adult about the surrogacy. She was adopted and doesn't want the baby to be screaming "I hate you, you're not my mother" when he or she is mad at me - when the baby is older. She said she used to do that all the time to her adoptive mother - when she didn't get her way,etc.
"Sasha" thinks she will have absolutely no problem giving the baby to us at birth. She says she wants to do this for my husband and I and that even wants to pump milk for the first few weeks after birth so the baby can benefit from that as well.
She does not want to come home from the hospital to our home and wants to leave the hospital and go directly to her own apartment so she doesn't get attached more than she should in the beginning - which we completely understand, and frankly prefer.
She absolutely refuses to let us give her any money at all. She just asks that we pay her cell phone bill, health insurance - things like that when and if she gets to a point that she is unable to work.
My questions are:
Has anyone else on the boards done a traditional surrogacy with a friend or family member? What were some of the challenges? What are the thoughts about the fact she has not delivered her own baby before? I would appreciate any input at all. We are so happy but we don't want to enter into this blindly.
I am in a similar situation currently. I have offered to be a TS for my BIL and SIL. They have been trying for a long time without any success. Our living situation is a bit different though. My DH DD and I live with them. Imo it makes it nice so I am right there and they can be involved with everything.
Cay wife to David mom to Megan 10/01/2010 and April 7/14/2013
As long as all parties involved are aware of everything, all arrangements have been made and there is the legal side of things taken care of, I don't see why it wouldn't work.
I do have to be honest though....having a surrogate who has never had kids is not something that is common, or easy. They have never been through the pregnancy process. Some women become very emotionally attached DURING pregnancy, but not before. Then there is also the case of in hand that something could go wrong and she could lose her fertility. There are just a bunch of things that really have to be discussed before entering such an amazing journey.
We are here to help, listen and be there for you guys in this process. It is not easy, can be a struggle, but can be entirely worth it in the end!!!
Mommy to Damon TS to Kyle 10/07 GS for E and R--WE ARE PREGNANT!!
Try 1--Sept 2010 negative Try 2--Jan 2011 negative
Try 3--May 2011-miscarried at 5 weeks
Transfer 4---PREGNANT!!! BFP @ 5.5dp3dt Beta at 11dp3dt was 164.6
Ultrasound showed TWO BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am a surrogate mommy for my best friend and her husband. We did a transfer last year, but baby girl was stillborn. We are about to go through another transfer. I had never had any children before I was their surrogate. I didn't live with them while pregnant or anything, and they didn't pay me. They just paid my medical co-pays and some other costs. Of-course I got attached to baby girl while I was pregnant, but never in a "This is my daughter" way. It was a healthy, protective attachment. I stayed in counseling throughout my pregnancy, and after we lost her. I just started back up again last week since we'll be transferring soon. My best friend, her husband and I have an even stronger relationship than we did before. Were like family and love and care for each other as such.
I wish you luck in this process. I hope it's okay if I pray for you.