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Need some advice on surrogacy??


Forum: Surrogate Mommies

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  #1  
July 26th, 2017, 02:23 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3
I married my wife in 2012, 5 years ago. But we're still childless, we both are fertile though. I'm a healthy man, but my wife weighs around 100 pounds. I'm 37 and she's 32. She got pregnant twice in the last 4 years. But unfortunately, she had two miscarriages. Doctors say her body is not healthy enough to carry a baby. Does body weight really matter to get pregnant? I have no earthly idea about it. We have almost everything, but no child. My wife feels very bad about it. Whenever she sees any children around us, she starts crying and scolding herself. I can understand her feelings and emotions, I'm her husband after all. Being a man, I'm strong enough. But she's a woman. God knows how I'm handling all this. Since her gynaecologist has strictly advised no pregnancy at any cost, I just can't take any chance. I love my wife, and can't even imagine of losing her. But on the other hand, I can't see her in such a bad mental condition.

We've visited a few fertility centers. They all are recommending surrogacy. I've researched about it a little and found it the best option we can go for. I have few questions here:
  1. How can surrogacy actually work for us?
  2. Is it expensive?
  3. From where can I get a surrogate?
This is my very important question (#3). Actually, I've visited a couple of forums/discussion sites. I've found many individual women are interested in being a surrogate. Is it a good idea to go for them? Or shall I contact a fertility center which can arrange a surrogate for me?

I would really appreciate your kind assistance here.
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  #2  
July 31st, 2017, 11:37 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 5
I'm so sorry for hearing that. The time is very difficult for you, and I can understand that.

I don't think so that weight really matters here. Even a physically weak and thin woman can successfully deliver a baby with no problem at all. But your wife scenario is quite different. I can understand why her gynaecologist strictly advised "No Pregnancy". It's not just because of her weight. It's actually because of her past. She had two miscarriages. This means your wife can conceive, but her body can't carry a baby. I'm extremely sorry to say that.

Since your wife is not healthy enough to get pregnant, I think surrogacy is best for you. Now let me answer your questions,
  • You asked, how surrogacy can actually work for you. Then I would say, only surrogacy can work for you. I won't suggest any other fertility method here. Since you both are fertile, you can have your own baby. How? You need a surrogate who'll get pregnant and deliver your baby.
  • You asked if it's expensive. Then I would say, maybe Yes or maybe No. Nobody can really tell you how much it costs for surrogacy. So better you should visit a fertility clinic nearby you.
  • You also asked how to get a surrogate. You have two options for this: either you can find an individual interested in being a surrogate mother. You can take help of online discussion sites. Or, you can visit some fertility clinics, they can arrange a surrogate for you.
I think visiting fertility clinic sounds better.
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  #3  
August 14th, 2017, 10:54 AM
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 28
Hi Dear, I certainly can't put into words of what the both of you might be going through with. And there isn't enough explanation behind what your wife must be feeling both on the inside and mentally. as well. Well, as far as being underweight is concerned with your concern here, then I would say that NO body weight does not always matter with the subject to pregnancy. There are little girls who often get impregnated, and they have a lesser weight than your wife. The concern with your wife here is that she is weak internally, i.e. her muscles and reproductive organs are not as strong as they should be and hence can't support the pregnancy which is one big a deal on the female body. If in any worst case scenario, you take it any further beyond what the doctor has suggested, bearing a baby can be fatal for your wife. I understand that her want for a child is out of her natural motherhood characteristic. But this is a truth that I suggest the both of you need to learn is that not always every fertile couple are able to give birth to their own child.
The child is a beautiful creation and hence no child should be loved less than any other. I suggest you go for other options. One such option is IVF, but because you both are fertile, already this is not the one for you.
Next, you have is surrogacy. Yes, surrogacy, might be a little too expensive, I would agree with what @Jen_dev said about hiring a surrogate of your own can be relatively cheaper, but not much.
Well, there is another option available to couples like you, which is to go for adoption. Not every is quite open about adoption, but they are as much child as your own born can be. Plus it is will be relatively easier than going for a surrogacy.
I hope you choose the wisest of the option. Take care. will pray for you.
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  #4  
August 21st, 2017, 02:45 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3
Quote:
Originally Posted by deepikaS View Post
Well, there is another option available to couples like you, which is to go for adoption. Not every is quite open about adoption, but they are as much child as your own born can be. Plus it is will be relatively easier than going for a surrogacy.
We both thought a lot about child adoption, even we visited some orphanages. But don't know why we both just said NO for child adoption. What could really be better than this if we adopt a child who has no parents? I know it's quite shameful that we're not down with this idea. The reason why we're interested towards surrogacy is just that we need our own child. Last week, we visited a fertility clinic nearby us. They say, just because we both are fertile, we should look forward to gestational surrogacy. They're telling us that it would cost around $80,000 or more than that. Also, they say that we can look forward to some overseas programs which don't cost that much, starting from $40,000.
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  #5  
September 2nd, 2017, 12:52 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 2
Let´s try to answer your questions
  1. How can surrogacy actually work for us? surrogacy is an options for people having infertility issues and want to be parents.
  2. Is it expensive? yes and not, it depends on the country you will pursue surrogacy, ie in USA is one of the safest place to pursue surrogacy but also one of the most expensive, in Canada surrogacy is altruistic so the final cost can be lower and it´s a country with a clear regulation regarding surrogacy too, also you have Ukraine, Russia, Greece, etc
  3. From where can I get a surrogate? you can ask to your infertility clinic, your family/friends, you can work with a surrogacy agency or look into internet in surrogacy communities where you can get in contact with surrogate mothers, egg donors and other intended parents.
http://surromomsonline.com
http://mysurrogatemom.com


Hope it helps


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  #6  
September 2nd, 2017, 12:06 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 138
As a woman who has both carried and miscarried my own children, I can relate to the need, fulfilment, and regret of having and losing my own babies. I would recommend, rather than look into surrogacy first ( which can be hard on a woman who is already mentally dealing with her own empty womb) to seek the help of an herbalist, nutritionist, or do your won research on detox, diet, and remedies for a miscarrying womb.
In my experience the emptiness felt after a miscarriage is the most scarring part of a loss, the most mentally recognizable aspect, so seeing another woman with a full womb, especially with her child, may not be the best for her mental health. Discuss all options as they come up with your wife, don't research and decide behind her back but be open so you can avoid hurting her by your suggestions.
If yuou are interested I can give you information on some herb blends like 'welcome womb' 'miscarry not' (I've used this myself) and pregnancy health blends for nutrition and strength. I also highly recommend Shonda Parker's 'naturally healthy pregnancy' which goes over conception, pregnancy and birth with a natural perspective.
The doctors cannot yet explain the why's to miscarriage all the time, and its hard, and if your wife needs someone to talk to I'm here. May God bless you and lead you to the right decision!!
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  #7  
September 4th, 2017, 04:48 AM
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 18
Surrogacy helps to start a family and become parents of your own child.
The cost of surrogacy varies from country to country. It depends from which country you are going to take this treatment.
There are many options to find a best surrogate agency in your area. I have heard about Surrogate360 as one of my friend has visited this agency earlier. They deal perfectly with their clients.


Surrogate 360
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  #8  
September 10th, 2017, 11:14 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 1
If you're in USA or Canada, the total surrogacy cost would be around $100 k (not more than that). Most people will definitely recommend you USA and Canada as both are best surrogacy destination. However, some people consider overseas programs just because they can't afford the surrogacy cost in USA or Canada. If your budget is good and you can afford this cost, i.e. $100 k, you should definitely choose USA or Canada. But if you just can't afford that, you should research for some best overseas surrogacy programs.

I've heard a lot about Ukraine, it provides good surrogacy treatments at affordable rates (around $50 k). But I'm not recommending you, I'm just telling you to read and do more research about it.You have to make a wise decision. Good luck.
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  #9  
September 17th, 2017, 09:21 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3
Thanks for the information you guys have shared here, I really appreciate it. USA is the best destination for surrogacy, everyone is telling me that. Even the experts we've met with, also say that USA and Canada are two best destinations in the world for surrogacy. But the problem is that we can't afford the cost of surrogacy here. One hundred thousand dollars is really a big amount. We can somehow manage this big amount, but what about the future. After spending every single penny on surrogacy, we'll be left with no money. Is this really true that I can find an affordable surrogacy program in Ukraine? I've heard this before a many times. If this is really true, I would have no problem with that.
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  #10  
September 29th, 2017, 01:48 PM
Regular
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 82
Too much weight is a problem in getting pregnant. She can easily loss her weight at home without any exercise. I reduced my weight very soon. I used to drink green tea twice a day and taking only green tea and two boil eggs in morning breakfast. It is really a good diet for weight loss. Try it once and then ask for TTC from your gynaecologist. It works very soon. Surrogacy is a good option. It will not cost you too much. In surrogacy, you will hire services of some other women for holding your child. You need to provide your sperms. After birth, you will have to fulfil legal issues before getting your baby. Costs varies with respect to country. Ukraine have the best clinics for it.
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  #11  
October 1st, 2017, 12:36 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 5
Quote:
Originally Posted by Karen891 View Post
Too much weight is a problem in getting pregnant. She can easily loss her weight at home without any exercise. I reduced my weight very soon.
I would like you to read the original post one more time. Once you'll read it, you'll understand that her weight is just 100 pounds (around 45 kgs). I don't think she really needs to reduce her body weight. Your advice, I'm sorry to say, doesn't sound relevant here.

A few members have advised them to consider going Ukraine. I've heard about Ukraine, it's a good destination for those who look for affordable surrogacy. The surrogacy programs in Ukraine starts from $40 k.

Last edited by Jen_Dev; October 1st, 2017 at 12:39 AM.
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