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My name is Andrea. I gave birth to my first child, a boy, on May 27th, 2012. His name is Tucker. We had incompatible blood due to the Rh factor that caused me to have severe bleeding and him to have bad blood sugar spikes and crashes.
He was formula supplemented in the hospital and his first days home. To compound our issues he was also badly tongue tied. I have since had his tongue clipped. Beginning from the very first time I put him on the breast at the hospital he has fought me. Kicking his feet, pushing himself off the breast, avoiding the nipple.
Once home, I tried to exclusively breastfeed but he would often act hungry again and would fight me until he was screaming and inconsolable. He would take a bottle of pumped breast milk from my husband with no problem. I started having more and more instances of wanting to do anything else besides breastfeed. I started to realize Tucker was only comfort nursing. There was never a time that I could pick him up to snuggle him without him pecking for the breast. If I did put him on the breast he used it more as a pacifier and pillow rather than a feeding session. I started to resent that.
So I made the hard decision of exclusively pumping. I didn't want to get to the point where I was resenting my baby. I think I have made the right decision, but I am also struggling with the fact that most moms have come to the decision of exclusively pumping because the baby can't latch. So I am feeling like I am a failure, but I am trying to work through those emotions. I continually tell myself that he is still getting the same nutrients he was getting before just from a different source.
Today I am going to pump every two hours, make a huge batch of monster cookies and buy some Fenugreek and restock my supply of Mother's Milk Tea. I have seen a slight drop in my supply so I need to work on getting that back up to par.
Thank you in advance for the understanding and support. I look forward to "meeting" you all.
Is your baby getting fed, cared for and loved? If so, then you're absolutely not a failure.
Exclusively pumping is hard work. It's not an easy way out so women don't generally choose it unless there is a problem with feeding at the breast. I think there are a lot more reasons than just latch, though. I had to go that route with my daughter because I had wrist issues that made it extremely painful to lift/hold her.
You've decided to continue to give your child breastmilk even though giving him formula would be easier than exclusively pumping. I think that's a pretty laudable commitment.
Don't feel like a failure. I had to EP Emma (due to reflux she would be in pain BF and it began to cause the same tension between us you're describing) and she is now 7 months old and will happily take bottle or breast. Just because you are EP now, doesn't mean it has to be over. She had a crappy latch at first and would fall asleep rather than eat and when she did eat it hurt her so much.
It was rough at first and I often found myself wandering the baby isles looking at formula. I never could bring myself to buy any. I hate my pump to this day but I am so happy to be able to provide my child the best food I can offer! Just offer the breast every so often and contact a lactation consultant if you feel they could help with technique. It's not over =) I thought for sure Emma would reject me, but now she couldn't care less where her food comes from!