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DH's reaction to your homebirth...


Forum: Home Birth

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  #1  
April 15th, 2008, 10:26 AM
Twinkle's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
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How did your DH react to your homebirth... after it was all said and done? Dh and I were talking about our birth last night, and some of his comments surprised me a bit. I thought he'd be more happy with the fact that we had a homebirth when looking back on it... but its far from the case. And now I feel some guilt regarding it. We had a waterbirth in our living room. He spent the first hour or so after the birth cleaning up, draining the pool, making up a bed for me to sleep in, etc. Dh didn't actually get to hold Kate for a while after the birth. I think this was in part to him cleaning up, and some breathing concerns that Kate had. Both of our midwives were with Kate for a while... even before I was able to nurse her. I was able to hold Kate right away, but as soon as the cord was cut (about 5 minutes after birth), my midwives took Kate to do some newborn checks. Her first Apgar score was a 6, and I think that had a lot to do with the breathing difficulties she was having. Dh told me about how he really feels like he missed out on not being able to hold her right away, and how he remembers when our older girls were born (in a hospital), he was able to hold them within minutes of birth.
Now, I know that had our baby had the breathing difficulties she did in a hospital we would have waited a lot longer to be able to hold her or nurse her than we did at home. Convincing DH of that... is difficult. Obviously the cleaning up factor was a big turn off to DH. Yeah it could have waited a couple of hours, but we were exhausted, and with our older children waking up a couple of hours later, DH wanted to get it cleaned up and get to bed so as to have some sleep before the girls woke up.

Don't get me wrong, I loved my home birth experience, and would do it again in a heartbeat... but with that being said, I wish DH could look back on it in more of a positive light.
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  #2  
April 15th, 2008, 11:22 AM
LaLa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Initially my DH wasnt as happy about it as I was, but I experienced it from a different perspective as well. And also add to the fact that my DH had experienced a not so great hospital birth with his son from a previous relationship (ended in cesarean with major complications for mom & baby).

Anyways, the cleanup was one of hte sore points, but in our case, we could have rented the tub & not dealt with cleanup so we agreed if there are any more, there will be future homebirths & we will get someone else to do cleanup lol.

Lala...
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  #3  
April 15th, 2008, 11:27 AM
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Well, I guess my DH is different from yours. I think he actually liked having things to do, like draining the pool and such, because he actually didn't want to be in the room yet with me while I was still delivering the placenta and getting checked for tears. He only wanted to come in once I was covered up and things looked a little more normal. Not holding Reid for the first half hour or so didn't really bother him, plus our birth happened during the day so that eliminated any sleep concerns. I can understand why your husband would feel the way he does, I guess it's just a personal preference thing for guys. Phill was totally fine with not being there; he was not present for the birth. I think he was actually upstairs on his computer, LOL. He didn't plan on being all that involved, which I knew beforehand.

Don't feel guilty about it though, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. If Kate hadn't had any breathing issues probably things would have worked out fine. You can't really predict those kind of things happening. I think it's good that you talked about it though.
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  #4  
April 15th, 2008, 11:40 AM
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I'm sorry things didn't go as expected for him, I am sure that must have been hard. After Reid was born DH and I were able to hold and admire him for an hour or so before any of us moved. I delivered the placenta and then later he held Reid while I had a stitch put in. We didn't have to clean up a thing, the midwives cleaned up everything and left our room spotless and we all took a nap after they went home. I labored in our own tub so there wasn't anything to have to put away so that did help. He is already asking when we can have the next home birth, he really enjoyed it so much more than the hospital births.

I definitely agree that had she been born in a hospital she probably would have been taken away from your for a few hours and that can be hard. That happened when my second son was born, I held him for a few minutes and then he was taken to the nursery for two hours and had supplemental oxygen.
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  #5  
April 15th, 2008, 12:29 PM
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This post made me decide against a water birth. DH is sooo the type that would go on and on and on about the disgusting water in the tub and having to clean up etc. LOL I just don't want for his experience (and mine) to be tainted by that.... I may still labour in my own tub though... that would be easy to clean up... and as far as the bed goes we have some really old sheets that we will be throwing away.. so we will make up the bed with nice sheets, plastic and old sheets that need to be thrown out... so that clean up will be super easy! (I'll even put a plastic sheet beside the bed in case!)

I talked to DH about it, telling him your experiences and he said "Thank you!!! I don't want to clean up yucky water!" As much as I am the one giving birth.. I want everyone to be comfortable with the experience... so this made up my mind
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  #6  
April 15th, 2008, 01:22 PM
Twinkle's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
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Quote:
and as far as the bed goes we have some really old sheets that we will be throwing away.. so we will make up the bed with nice sheets, plastic and old sheets that need to be thrown out... so that clean up will be super easy! (I'll even put a plastic sheet beside the bed in case!)[/b]
that was our plan as well, however I delivered in the living room, since it was the middle of the night and we didn't want to wake the girls who were fast asleep upstairs. Dh pulled the mattress out of the guest room (on our first floor) into the living room so that I wouldn't have to move out of bed the next day, and still be able to be around Lily and Julia. It definitely made the most sense for us to do it this way, for our family... but still it took a bit of time. By the time DH was all done cleaning up and setting up the bed, my midwives were done working on Kate... so really in actuality I don't think it was a huge thing, but it was to DH, and for that I feel guilty. I just really loved my birth experience and wish he had loved it as much as I did.
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  #7  
April 15th, 2008, 05:02 PM
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DH wishes I hadn't gone into labor just before midnight. And he didn't much enjoy the cleaning up of the pool afterward. Aside from that, he was very happy with the way everything went - he did comment that he hated seeing me in pain and not being able to do anything about it, but I think that's pretty much any man at any birth. He cried when Amelia was born (just like he did when Rachael was born) and he did hold her after thirty minutes or so, when I headed upstairs. He definitely wants another home birth IF we have a third baby, and I'm so glad we're on the same page there.
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  #8  
April 16th, 2008, 06:49 AM
Butter's Avatar Heather the Mama Duk
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Quote:
This post made me decide against a water birth. DH is sooo the type that would go on and on and on about the disgusting water in the tub and having to clean up etc.[/b]
Check with your midwives on that. I was actually surprised to read that Christine's husband had to clean up. My friend had a water birth in December (I was present) and she uses the same midwives I do. They did all the cleaning up. They have a pump and they just put it in the tub to suction out the water and then once that's out they take out the disposable liner and put it in a trash can. They'll even tear down the birth pool. They also did all the cleaning for my (land) birth. That's actually what Jamie considers the midwives' only real job. To clean up, and they agree lol I guess I'm just really surprised to read about husbands doing the clean up when my midwives do that.
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  #9  
April 16th, 2008, 09:58 AM
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I don't know if it would have been different had Kate not had some breathing difficulties to begin with. My midwives did help clean up, but the majority of it fell on DH while they were working on Kate.
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  #10  
April 16th, 2008, 12:28 PM
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I am sorry it did not go how he would have liked.

James was very happy about how our home birth went. He got to hold Kayori soon after the birth. He was right there when they cleaned her, measured her, and while they helped me with all my bleeding and passing out. After I was doing ok, my midwifes went to dinner and we had our close family come see the baby. Once the midwifes got back they did all my laundry and cleaned up anything from the birth except the pool. James cleaned the pool after they got back. So we had lots of family time before the clean up. If we have another baby, he said he definately wants another home birth.
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  #11  
April 16th, 2008, 08:05 PM
LaLa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ditto the others about MWs usually being hte ones to clean the tub.

Also - the only reason my water was "yucky" was because I insisted on delivering the placenta in the water lol.

Avoid that, and you avoid the bulk of the mess!

Lala...
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  #12  
April 16th, 2008, 09:16 PM
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Quote:
the only reason my water was "yucky" was because I insisted on delivering the placenta in the water lol.

Avoid that, and you avoid the bulk of the mess!

Lala...[/b]
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  #13  
April 17th, 2008, 09:26 AM
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Our water was really dirty.... and I didn't even deliver the placenta in there. DH jokes around and says it looked like red koolaid, LOL.
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  #14  
April 17th, 2008, 03:57 PM
Butter's Avatar Heather the Mama Duk
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My friend's water was quite red afterwards. The pictures I took are interesting. Just as the baby was born there was only a tiny bit of red, the next picture it's about half red, and the third picture the water is all red. She tore badly, though, and that's why it was so red even though she got out almost right after the baby was born.
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  #15  
April 18th, 2008, 07:26 AM
LaLa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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WOW! I have heard tears will do that too though.

I knwo with ours, before the placenta, it looked pink, but not bad. Still, we put a white towel in to put over me & baby, and it came out white, not pink in the least bit.

AFTer the placenta, the water was read, yet the white towels put in there still came out white lol.

Lala...
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  #16  
April 20th, 2008, 02:41 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
This post made me decide against a water birth. DH is sooo the type that would go on and on and on about the disgusting water in the tub and having to clean up etc.[/b]
Check with your midwives on that. I was actually surprised to read that Christine's husband had to clean up. My friend had a water birth in December (I was present) and she uses the same midwives I do. They did all the cleaning up. They have a pump and they just put it in the tub to suction out the water and then once that's out they take out the disposable liner and put it in a trash can. They'll even tear down the birth pool. They also did all the cleaning for my (land) birth. That's actually what Jamie considers the midwives' only real job. To clean up, and they agree lol I guess I'm just really surprised to read about husbands doing the clean up when my midwives do that.
[/b]
Ditto. My midwives did all the cleaning and laundry too.
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