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  #1  
August 20th, 2008, 10:45 AM
inyourhonor's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Metro Detroit
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My husband and I are considering having our son there when our newest arrives. Since we're having a home birth and I've talked to others who children where present during their other births. Our son will be almost 3 (about a month to a month and a half away, pending when I have this baby) by then. We have talked about having him there if he is awake. My mom is coming (she finally came around!) to help with Gage so Jason can be my support 100% and not have to worry about Gage.

Well, I posted on another forum I belong to. I replied to a question asked to me. The one person asked if I planned on having Gage there. I said the same thing pretty much as I said above. It's a play by the ear type deal really right now. I'd love him there personally.

Then one of the notorious members who believes they know everything, but really doesn't posted. Telling me that I will do more harm to my son then good. Telling me about how her oldest wasn't there when her baby was born. Pretty much attempted to change my mind by putting me down. I replied to her telling her, thanks for your opinion but I found it to be completely unnecessary. I posted in a journal thread that is about my pregnancy on there. I didn't ask for any opinions on the matter because none of them will change mine or my husbands minds.

Am I wrong for my reply? Am I wrong and doing harm to my son by having him and wanting him there? I don't think so. Just thought I'd get your thoughts.
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  #2  
August 20th, 2008, 03:14 PM
UrbanMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I let my kids choose if they wanted to be there or not at my other homebirths. My oldest son, who was about 9 at the time, was there when his sister was born. He was in no way traumatized.

I think it is very rude of some people to try to force their opinions on others. Just because some think homebirth is strange doesn't mean it is. As far as I am concerned birth is completely natural and there is nothing wrong with a child seeing their sibling come into the world. Birth is beautiful!
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  #3  
August 20th, 2008, 04:29 PM
Mommy2Amara&Kayori's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My dd was at my home birth. She was 1 month away from being 2. She sat right by me through the whole thing. She did great, and wasn't scared or traumatized.

here's some pic's of her with me







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  #4  
August 20th, 2008, 09:39 PM
Alison79's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Texas
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If my children are awake during my labor they will be welcome to be there for the birth. I'll leave it totally up to them. My daughter will be three and my older sons are pretty used to me being pregnant by now and Chris has asked that he be able to cut the cord which I would love for him to do. My prenatal appointments are very family centered so it would seem odd to me not to include the kids in the birth if they want to be there.
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  #5  
August 21st, 2008, 12:09 AM
soImarriedAnerd's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't have kids so I have no idea. But I would think it would depend on the kid. my brother cried and freaked out if my mom ever got hurt-he didn't deal with his mom being in pain ---AT ALL. I think I would have been fine with it--if not TO involved LOL
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  #6  
August 21st, 2008, 07:04 AM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I plan on doing the same thing as you. If my kids are awake (DS will be 5, DD 2 1/2) then I will give them the choice of watching the baby come out when its time to push. If they are busy playing or dont want to be there then that's fine. I personally would rather not have them "down there watching the action" but I have no probable with them being by my head watching.
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  #7  
August 21st, 2008, 07:05 AM
inyourhonor's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks for your replies.

See, I don't plan on forcing my almost 3 year old to sit there if he doesn't want to. My mom will be here to help him do what he wants if I can't.

He is a comforter. If I had a rough day or I even stubbed my toe, he'd be there rubbing my shoulder going "Its ok mama". So we'll see, if he's there it will all be on his own choice.
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  #8  
August 21st, 2008, 08:45 AM
thepinkleprechaun's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm not really sure what I'll do, my daughter will be almost 2 and she doesn't even know that we're having a new baby, she just doesn't understand. I don't have a problem with her being there, I almost think she would be interested in what's going on rather than scared.

More likely though she will just go to her daycare lady's house if it's during the day, if it's at night she'll be asleep. It might be better just not to have any distractions, but that's just me I know a lot of people who have had other children there and it was just fine!
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  #9  
August 21st, 2008, 10:13 AM
mommytutu's Avatar mom to Emma & Jacqueline
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Location: Bradenton, Fl
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If my DD is awake I want her in the room. We have a friend who will be there to attend to her if she gets overwhelmed, confused, or scared for any reason. She will be nearly 2 1/2 when Jack is born and I think she will do just great.

It's all a personal choice, so you shouldn't feel bad at all for wanting to have him there.
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  #10  
August 21st, 2008, 04:25 PM
*Vero*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Elyssa was 22 months old when Delilah was birn.. I had no one to watch her and she was very shy with my midwife so she didn't want to be there while my midwife was there lol... so DH stayed downstairs with her and they came and checked on me every now and then (If I appeared to be in a lot of pain she would say "It's ok Mommy"! When she got to see her little sister she just beamed the sweetest shy smile at her! She had a much harder time with having all these strangers in the bedroom then with the birth itself!

I did prepare her for it though, we watched birth story every day... I know a lot of you do not like that show and I totally understand your reasons, but I found that it was really good for desensitising her to the pain and blood involved with childbirth!
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  #11  
August 23rd, 2008, 10:33 PM
ragmama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You absolutely have the right idea - let it be her decision, but have someone there to take her to another part of the house if it gets to be overwhelming for her. Or annoying for you. And shame on the person who made that ridiculous post!

I let my older DD decide, and she wavered back and forth on whether or not she wanted to be there. She finally decided that she'd rather go and stay with her Papa and Grandma when it was time for her sister to come. As luck would have it, I went into labor in late evening after she was already in bed, labored through the night, and Amelia was born at 7:04 the next morning. Rachael woke up about ten minutes before her sister was born, and we gave her the option to come watch (from my head, of course) or for the doula to play with her in her room. She chose to come watch, and got to the side of the pool just in time to see her sister float up to meet the world.

It was beautiful and perfect, and I am INFINITELY grateful that it worked out the way that it did. And so is she - eight months later, she's still talking about how cool it was to be there at her sister's birth.
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  #12  
August 24th, 2008, 10:23 AM
kimberlypatton@msn.com's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Eastern WASHINGTON
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I had my last at home and both my children were present for the "pushing baby out" part. My Mom came to hang with the kids and keep them occupied while I was in labor. I had talked with the children (then 3.5 & 4.5) about birth, about what it would be like, look like, sound like, etc. We watched Gentle Birth Choices together (well, they saw bits and pieces). I want my children growing up knowing that birth is not a scary thing...it's totally natural and part of life. I let them know that they could be there to see the baby come out or not. It was up to them. Since I am a quiet birther and I birth in the water, I knew there would be nothing that they could actually see or hear that would be scary to them. When it was time to push, my husband yelled down to my Mom and the kids and lo and behold, they RAN UPSTAIRS just in time to see Liberty be born. They were in awe and in love. They were part of her very beginning and got to snuggle her and touch her while she rested, naked, on my chest. I think it was a wonderful bonding experience for them all. I've not had the sibling rivalry that some have with older kids and newborns. I really think having them so actively involved in my pregnancy and birth has been the largest factor in that! Afterwards my midwife/ND showed the kids the placenta and explained all the parts and their functions. I felt it was a great learning experience for them too! I'm excited for my upcoming birth and definitely plan to do things in a similar fashion. If it's at night, I won't wake them. I'll have my mother here and she can be with Liberty and the kids. Just like before. I feel like I've done my children a HUGE favor and given them quite the advantage by having them there! They do not FEAR birth. They KNOW it's a natural and wonderful part of life. Not a scary, hospital, white coat and gloves, sterile experience!
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  #13  
August 26th, 2008, 10:09 AM
Isaeph's Avatar Jennifer the Momma
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Location: Boise!
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We're planning on the kids being awake-hoping they'll be asleep. I have absolutely NO one here to watch them, so I'm praying to labor through the night again like last time. We woke Trupie up a few minutes after Ele was born. This time, we'll probably wait a bit longer, that way I have a chance to get comfy...I was still sitting in my mess of wet towels last time. If its in the middle of the night, I think we'll just wait until morning. But Trupie (he'll be 5y3m at the birth) wants to cut the umbilical cord...so sweet! Ele doesn't really get it, she'll be 2y4m...but if she's awake, I think she'll be pretty fascinated watching. But we'll have a movie ready and some snacks for them so they can do their own thing too instead of having to be right there. I'm a *fairly* quiet birther too, no yelling or swearing or anything...so I don't think they'll be too scared.
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  #14  
August 27th, 2008, 08:47 AM
Butter's Avatar Heather the Mama Duk
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Location: San Antonio TX
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It won't harm him if he gets to choose to be there. Why would it? Just because some people choose to keep their children away doesn't mean you have to. Ani and Cameron were there when Fritz was born (at 6 1/2 and almost 5) and they were there, as was Fritz, when Adrian was born at 8 1/2, almost 7, and 23 months.
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  #15  
August 27th, 2008, 04:03 PM
Regular
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 89
Hi. I don't think that there is anything wrong with a child being at a birth. I prepared my children for my births by showing them lots of birth videos from my midwifes libraries and by talking to them about the birth. My son who is my oldest missed the birth of both of his sisters because he was asleep. But the funny thing was, he told me that he thought that I would be in labor longer the last time becuase I hadn't been making moaning noises long enough. lol. My dd who was 4 was in the room for the birth though and she handled it just fine. I think that as long as you don't make the body and it's parts to personal as far as birth goes that they don't get all giggley and weird from seeing your parts. Just be open with the fact that there will be blood and moaning and that you might now be able to talk or that you might now want to talk. You do what you think is right for you and your family. Your children will let you know if they want to be there or not.

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