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I have not really had any place that I feel comfortable talking about my pregnancy and my birth choices and because of that, I have not really talked about my pregnancy very openly on any pregnancy forums. So I just figured that I would do it here today.
I am 17 weeks pregnant with my fourth child. This will be my third homebirth. My first was a hospital birth, I was induced and I will admit that the induction was done at my insistence and because of my ignorance. I tried to learn about pregnancy. I would ask the nurses for information on birthing and the birthing process. I would ask if there were videos that I could watch or an instruction manuel on how to have a baby. I had no clue. Everyone looked at me like I was silly and naive so I thought I was being silly and naive. Looking back, I just wanted to know. How do you push?? HOw do you know when to push? And I had to learn the hard way. After I was given the pitocen drip and the cervix softner, the doctor came in to break my water about 12 hours later. He did not tell me what he was doing and it hurt like hell. My water has broke naturally twice and it did not hurt those two times, but whatever he rammed in there to break my water HURT!! My contractions were quite intense and I was in so much pain, but guess what??? THe nurse told me that I was not having any contractions because they were not registering on the monitor. Apparently I was not dialating eithering so they made me sit in a wooden rocking chair so that gravity could take effect. Since I chose to be induced, I was strapped to monitors and I was not able to walk the hall or even go to the restroom. This presented a problem when I did have to go to the restroom. I suddenly had the urge to have a bowel movement. The pressure was building and building and I had to go!! I told my mom. She called the nurse. The nurse came in with a portable toilet. I am not a public pooper. That was not going to happen. I hurt so bad. I begged the nurse to let me get back into the bed. She refused. I begged the next nurse who came in my room. She give me permission to get into the bed BUT just for 10 minutes. I thought that once I got into the bed that my need to poop would go away, nope. So I held that poop as hard as I could. I told my mom that I had to go the bathroom and that if I had to go in the porta potty that I would but I wanted to be left alone. My mom called the nurse and the nurse decided to check me one more time. OH, the baby was ready to be born. DUH. If they could have provided with the info I asked for then maybe I would have known that was what was happening. So, they moved me to a portable cot thing and pushed me into the delivery room. After I figured out how to push (8 pushes) , I had a beautiful healthy baby boy. He had swallowed meconium though so he was not allowed to come into the room with me. They put him in nursery and pushed me into my room. I asked when my son could come to my room. Not for 6 hours!! I asked to go see him. I had to pee first. I passed out on the toilet when I was trying to go pee. I was not allowed to go see my son. I had to wait the 6 hours for him to be brought to me. I was probably weak and starving. I had been in the hospital overnight with no food or water.
Oh and I was trying my hardest to breast feed and they threatened me. Either feed the baby or we will give him a bottle. I was trying but they would not let me nurse. They kept telling me that I was doing it wrong. I had boobs that were at least GG's and flat nipples. I was trying to pop my nipple out and hold up this huge boob and they just wanted me to not touch my boobs at all. (my son would have suffocated) A male nurse actually helped me out with nursing the next morning. Normally I would not have been comfy with this but he was obviously gay and he was actually trying to be supportive. I was able to successfully nurse once I left that hell hole.
When I got pregnant the second time, I wanted to curl up in the fetal position and hide at the thought of giving birth again. Luckily, I was introduced to homebirth and after alot of searching I was able to find a midwife in my area that was willing to homebirth despite how difficult the laws make it. I loved her and felt very comfortable with her but I was still very ignorant. She encouraged me to become more informed, to read, to ask questions, to listen to my body. Because of her, I have continued to learn and to seek information and to ask questions and to inform myself of my rights as well as my decisions. I am not a hippy, crunchy type person, but I am also not mainstream.
In May of 2005, my little girl had a near drowning accident on a vacation in FL. I took her into the hospital where they ran the appropriate tests and said that she was fine. BUT they wanted to keep her overnight just to keep an eye on her. Well, after hours of my daughter not getting her own room, no nurse comign in to check on her, not being given food after she had thrown all of hers up after her accident, I took her from the hospital. Unfortuantely for me, this is a big no no. Doctors do not like it when you don't listen to them. Social services and the police dept where looking for me. They would have put an amber alert out on my daughter but they did not have a description of my car to do so. They did put a warrant out for my arrest. When I got back to my state, the case was transferred here. I had to sign over my medical rights to my children. I am telling all of this because when I first got pregnant this time, I had to deal with my fear of something going wrong with this birth and since I did not follow proper medical care, I am afraid that social services will come back. I had to convince myself and I am still working on convincing myself that everything will be fine and that I will not have to be transferred. I have recently began to vaccinate my 3 year old for the first time with a seperate vaccine for Measles, Mumps, and (next month) Rubella. They are not all mixed together but it was still so scary to me and only done so that they could not say that I was not giving my child medical care. I got the doctors office to agree to give my baby, a medical exemption for DTP because she had a seizure one time. I thank God that I read up on these vaccinations that I informed myself enough to get the doctors to give her this exemption.
My mother has been at all of my births but she is currently battling breast cancer for the third time. This breast cancer is different because it is inflammatory breast cancer. If you do not know what it is, please PLEASE google it. Most woman, MOST DOCTORS!!!! have never heard of it. They think that they have an infection. Luckily, I recieved an email that I forwarded to my mom that tried to warn woman about this cancer. My mom realized that she had it within a few months of getting that email. She went to her cancer doctor. He did a mammogram and an ultrasound. He said that she did not have cancer. He said that she had an infection. She knew that it could not be detected in a mammogram or an ultrasound so she asked for a biopsy. He refused. She was put on an antibiotic for a breast infection. A week later, it was not gone, her cancer doctor would not see her yet so she called her surgeon. He told her to come in. He looked at her and told her that she did not have cancer but she had something so he would do a biopsy just to make her feel better. She had IBC and another kind of cancer!! Huge amounts of cancer that could not be detected by ultrasound or mammogram. We knew this though because we informed ourself. If the doctors would have waited, if my mom would have listened to them and not to herself, she may be dead right now. As it is, she probably only has about 3-4 years left. She is currently undergoing chemo treatments.
Because she is sick, she will not be here. I figured that I would do something different this time to add some excitement to my birth instead of feeling like something is missing. So, I am hoping that I can catch my own baby, or I might let my hubby do it.
Let me see, I did find out the sex of my baby this past weekend. My last two babies were surprises and I LOVED the surprise but because of my mothers' illness and because I have 3 children with 3 different schedules and because my mom can't run to the store and pick up some clothes after the baby is born, I decided to do an ultrasound. It looks like a boy!! My husband also went to the ultrasound (this was his first appt out of any of my pregancy appts) and he is now totally into this pregnancy. He was always very scared and standoffish until the baby started really moving in my other pregnancies.
I just wrote a book. lol.
Expecting #4 in February!!</div>
Hi and That was interesting. I enjoy reading. Congrats on your pregnancy! I hope the state stays away from you. That is ridiculous that they did that. Glad you read up on things, I don't like some vax after reading about them. I'm so sorry your Mom has cancer.
I can't believe the whole medical issue. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that and the fear of this current baby. I also am very sorry for your mothers illness. My SIL is a survivor of breast cancer, she just went into remission for the 2nd time. So it is a disease we are very familiar with in our family.