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  #1  
October 14th, 2009, 07:48 PM
Effervescence's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Do you discuss birthing with other mothers, and if you do what is the typical reaction that you get?

I was out to lunch with some friends of mine, and I don't know how or why, but they all started talking about how their kids were born. I think it is because two of us are pregnant and two just had a baby within a month or so. Anyway, I felt really badly for this one woman because she said she had an epi with both her children, and had a really bad experience with both directly because of the epi. With her second, she had a spinal headache from it, and she couldn't even be with her baby for the first week because of her terrible headache. After a time, I realized that I was the only woman at the table who did not have pain medication at the time of my baby's birth. I've often said that I had a pretty bad experience with Jonah's birth, but nothing like what these ladies were saying. I told them I'm scared of an epi (which is the truth!) more scared than I am of birth pains, so I just learned to work with my body. Their eyes bugged out of their heads at the thought. I didn't tell them that this bean would be born outside of a hospital, where it wouldn't even be an option. It's just interesting that they had pity on me for having to "go through that" when I had pity on them for almost the same reasons!
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  #2  
October 14th, 2009, 08:21 PM
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Thankfully the majority of the moms I hang out with have similar views on childbirth. And those who have chosen or ended up with c/s or medicated births are open minded. I've run into very little negativity.
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  #3  
October 14th, 2009, 08:38 PM
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I just choose not to have that conversation with people. I haven't had good experiences with my previous births and I constantly get reminded if I talk with people that I should just be thankful for healthy kids.
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  #4  
October 16th, 2009, 03:18 PM
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I've run into very little negativity as well.

That said, I try not to wave it around too much because I worry that moms who maybe made other choices would feel like I'm judging them (I'm totally not, but sometimes people can get preemptively defensive about their birth choices if it comes up that someone else had or is planning a drug-free birth or a home birth...if that makes any sense).
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  #5  
October 17th, 2009, 06:58 PM
Effervescence's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jess5377 View Post
I've run into very little negativity as well.

That said, I try not to wave it around too much because I worry that moms who maybe made other choices would feel like I'm judging them (I'm totally not, but sometimes people can get preemptively defensive about their birth choices if it comes up that someone else had or is planning a drug-free birth or a home birth...if that makes any sense).
Yes, I know what you mean! I'm pretty hesitant to tell the other mothers, after I just learned how their births went, that Jonah was born without an epi and no medication at the time of transition and birth, because I don't want them to think that *I* think I'm better than them etc. I am really proud of myself, but I don't want to flaunt it or anything, it is a quiet pride. But I also would like to share my experiences, and they often ask me to. I just tell them matter-of-factly though, and if they ooh and ah, then I mention that I'm actually more scared of needles (terrible phobia!) than of birth pains, so I think they are brave for getting an epi and going through all that they did. I don't think labor is "easy" for any woman no matter what method is happening, and I think that women should just honor that experience in one another. But it still feels weird talking about it, and I wish the topic didn't come up as often as it does with that group. No one but family knows that we are planning a home birth with this bean, because I don't want people to think that I am "holier than thou" about childbirth kwim?
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  #6  
October 17th, 2009, 10:32 PM
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yeah I almost never discuss it, when it comes up I just tell them, and so far I never had anything negative said to me about it, mostly people are curious how it was done (at home waterbirth especially) etc.
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  #7  
October 18th, 2009, 10:27 PM
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I've actually noticed the MORE I talk to people (particularly those who are somewhat "against" HB ) the more positive a response I get.

I'm very open about my plans and love answering everyone's questions. One person in particular I had a long 20 minute conversation about it and her response was "wow... it seems like you've really thought this through!". I've yet to have someone respond negatively that I couldn't convince to at least be more open about it.
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  #8  
October 21st, 2009, 05:30 PM
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I usually only get into that conversation if I'm asked. And then I usually get a mixed reaction. Sometimes I get a "wow, that's cool" and sometimes I get "how can you do that?".
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  #9  
October 21st, 2009, 05:50 PM
Twinkle's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
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I don't purposely hide my choices, but sometimes I can be selective with who and what I say. I am normally the only one out of most groups of friends who have had a natural childbirth much less a home birth, but I do have a few friends who do homebirth as well.... and I love talking about birth with them (obviously!).
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  #10  
October 28th, 2009, 04:38 PM
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I tell most people we plan to have a hospital birth - especially the uber-mainstream ones. BUT on occasion, I've mentioned it even though I expect to get a bad reaction (pregnancy hormones I suppose LOL) If I'm in a REALLY bad mood I might even bring up DS's vax status. LOL
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