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relating to others in your DDC in regards to care/tests/etc.


Forum: Home Birth

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  #1  
November 4th, 2009, 01:10 AM
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So, it's never been much of an issue before, but now that my due date is fast approaching, I'm noticing a much bigger difference in my experience vs. the experience of many of the other moms in my DDC and how it maybe affects attitudes about due dates, baby's status, etc.

I haven't had a growth/size scan, had my cervix checked, had a NST, etc. Sometimes I think, geez, they get to know all this stuff about their baby, I'm jealous. But, then I see many get stressed out about those same figures or trying to interpret them and I'm definitely *not* jealous then.

I don't really have a point here and I'm not saying that type of care is wrong or bad, just that I think the difference in care/attitudes around 'due dates'/overall experience is more pronounced now in these last few weeks and a lot more noticeable.

I don't know, I guess now that delivery is getting really close, I'm feeling more distant from most of the other people in my DDC. I can't relate to what they're experiencing in terms of doctor frustrations, tests, etc., so I don't have much to offer or say.

That's all. I'll get over it. Just something I've been thinking about.
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  #2  
November 4th, 2009, 06:50 AM
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I totally agree with you. I am feeling more or less not real involved in DDC discussions since I am HBing (not that I got involved until recently but still...). I'm sure that it'll get worse too the closer we all get to the end. I'm even feeling distanced from my PR because no one really cares about HBing since there's no scans, NST, cervical checks... there's no "drama" involved with my midwives. The most "drama" we've had is that I was measuring 4cm ahead a week ago at my appointment.

Just wanted to let you know that I feel the same!
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  #3  
November 4th, 2009, 08:27 AM
inyourhonor's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I was due this time last year and had a hard time feeling connected as well. It was my 2nd baby and I had gone the whole hospital route the 1st time with a c-section outcome I did not want.

So I feel some way my bitterness made it hard for me to connect. I was due the 21st of November and he was born the 28th of November. I saw people going in for scheduled inductions and c-sections, I just didn't get it.

I had 2 scans during my pregnancy, we did do the anatomy and then I had a 2nd scan when I was 35 weeks and started bleeding bright red blood. I went to the L&D per my midwifes request after she looked at me to just make sure nothing was happening that was severe. We weren't sure if it was my placenta detaching or something. So I had another scan and Dane was fine and my placenta was still attached. I had to have cervical checks during that visit. Other than that, my midwife was hands off.

There were I believe 2 other moms planning home births along with me. 1 unfortunately didn't get hers.

I did at times feel like I was crazy because of planning a HB but that was also because I was planning an HBAC. My PR is a great group of ladies but it still felt a little out of the loop based on our birthing choices which also lead to what tests we were and weren't going to do. I think I was the only one in our DDC who didn't do the sugar drink.
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  #4  
November 4th, 2009, 08:38 AM
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I'm soooo with you on that! The last month or so in a DDC I think is hard for any of us that are choosing a less mainstream option. The constant complaints about not getting induced and not making progress drive me up the wall!
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  #5  
November 4th, 2009, 12:01 PM
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Thanks guys!

I think that's it mostly - there's not much to report in this camp really other than "still trucking" which, when you think about it, is super fantastic. It just makes it hard to connect with/relate to everybody else (and the 'drama') sometimes.
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  #6  
November 4th, 2009, 01:01 PM
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I've been a part of 2 DDCs and I agree, the last month can be the hardest as you see inductions, lots of interventions, etc. I remember getting frustrated the last time around since Kate was a week late. Luckily i had 2 other homebirth mamas in my DDC, they both delivered bfore me, but it was still nice to have that support.
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  #7  
November 4th, 2009, 11:17 PM
catherineclare's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I was the only homebirther in my DDC, but no one ever had anything negative to say about it. It was frustrating though since everyone was getting really impatient when they hit 37 weeks. I think everyone had the 'I'm full term the baby needs to come now' mentality. I think only a handful of us were more than happy to hang out until 40 weeks or more.
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  #8  
November 6th, 2009, 11:28 AM
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I roll my eyes at all the posts about growth ultrasounds and inductions because baby is big. No matter what others say about the margin of error for growth estimates late in pregnancy many still blindly believe it and trust it. I don't even bring up the ACOG discouraging or not recommending induction of labor due to suspected macrosomia or LGA baby because it would fall on deaf ears. Talking about the risks of unnecessary interventions is like speaking in a foreign language.

I sometimes bring up evidence based practice and research and it goes way over many heads. Either that or it gets ignored.

I don't really have anything in common with folks in my DCCs. There's one other mama planning a homebirth. There are a handful of moms planning homebirths in another group I'm in. I'm not mainstream and I'm pretty much the dissenting voice and my approach to many topics is very matter-of-fact. I'm not overly fluffy and post topics about every ache and pain or every appt. So it's definitely not a place where I fit in, but it is very active.

The atmosphere on JM is very different than other crunchy places like mothering. I'm just not seeing a lot of educated and informed choices. I see a lot of misconceptions and just general ignorance in areas that should be common sense.
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  #9  
November 6th, 2009, 01:31 PM
WishingStar's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm the same way. I don't really relate to the other people in my DDC. I don't understand their impatience to have the baby. I don't get most of the testing, but I do get ultrasounds.
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  #10  
November 6th, 2009, 05:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LuxAeterna View Post
The atmosphere on JM is very different than other crunchy places like mothering.
I cruise the mothering.com DDC too and there are, I think, almost 50 home birthers in that DDC, so it's a big difference. I almost feel like the odd one out there because I'm not planning on ingesting my placenta after delivery

Hah, anyway, I like the difference though, it's good to hear about other people's experiences. I'm just feeling more of a divide this month is all.
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  #11  
November 8th, 2009, 07:46 PM
flitabout's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am just a lurker here but I am already seeing the divide in my DDC. It is so weird that so many people have already talked about inductions, because of scheduling. I have had 3 c/s and It wasn't until just recently that I knew that I had a choice. I want a hb but I can't find midwife that will touch me with a ten foot pole. And after 3 c/s I am just to worried to try to go it alone.
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  #12  
November 10th, 2009, 03:54 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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I had a hospital birth with my daughter but I did have to take a break for the last few months in my DDC. I was sure I wanted a NCB but I still had some conventional thinking, like bummed when I didn't get checked at my 37 week appointment. It's easy to get caught up in that kind of hype when you hang out on message boards.

After our babies were born all of that went away, and we really love each other. We all spend less time there now that our babies are toddlers, but we all get along pretty great. I have to say that many see things about birth a little differently too.

I did join my new DDC but so far according to the poll taken, 6 ladies are planning for a NCB in a hospital, many who have done it before. 3 want a homebirth, one unassisted! One lady who has 6 kids and did it naturally said she is getting the epi this time. Anyway, we will see how it goes. It can get really tense at the end and I do know they will moderate anything that gets posted about the dangers of induction or elective sections because it might upset the women that have "no choice". It can be pretty frustrating for sure.

being the host of the NCB board, it does sometimes feel like we are the black sheep of the JM family or something. I do wonder why I didn't join the mothering boards. I guess I didn't know about Mothering until after I was settled in here. I used to check out diaperswappers a lot too, it's funny being in an atmosphere where I feel less crunchy instead of more crunchy than the other people!

Hopefully after your DDC becomes a playroom you will feel more comfortable there again.
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  #13  
November 10th, 2009, 05:03 PM
Twinkle's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LuxAeterna View Post
The atmosphere on JM is very different than other crunchy places like mothering. I'm just not seeing a lot of educated and informed choices. I see a lot of misconceptions and just general ignorance in areas that should be common sense.
I agree with parts of this. I do think that the atmosphere is different than other boards. I don't think its a negative thing though. IN previous pregnancies of mine I joined another more crunchy board that will be nameless... and posted an introduction thread, and do you know how many people welcomed me in the DDC? 3. Thats it, 3 other mamas. I was so upset and surprised. Never have I seen an introduction thread on a DDC here not have AT LEAST 15 replies. People here are more welcoming, IMO. I also posted a question thread on this unnamed board when I was going through a nursing strike with my daughter. I was told point blank to do a search for nursing strikes in other topics, since it had been discussed before no one wanted to answer my questions. Just not the vibe I was looking for I guess.

I do agree that JM can be more mainstream than crunchy at times, but i also think that JM is what you make of it. This board and a handful of others are certainly more crunchy and you'll see the same names posting on them all, so you kinda get that group feeling that you may feel like you are missing by not joining a DDC.

I've joined my DDCs before, in fact hosted 2 of them, and I found that by sharing my own views and research that I actually helped some other mama's to question their doctors, change to midwives and even have out of the hospital births. Of course I wasn't the reason they did it, but I feel like by sharing our knowledge to others that we may help other women increase their knowledge, know what i mean?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheryl33 View Post
being the host of the NCB board, it does sometimes feel like we are the black sheep of the JM family or something. I do wonder why I didn't join the mothering boards. I guess I didn't know about Mothering until after I was settled in here. I used to check out diaperswappers a lot too, it's funny being in an atmosphere where I feel less crunchy instead of more crunchy than the other people!

I certainly don't consider anyone here or anyone "crunchy" to be the black sheep of JM...
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  #14  
November 10th, 2009, 05:18 PM
moon~maiden's Avatar Cheryl~ birth truster
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I do feel like that when threads get moderated in DDC's and whatnot....
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  #15  
November 10th, 2009, 05:53 PM
flitabout's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I want a home birth and while I can sometime take it hard when there are so many women that don't even attempt to understand or are even interested in any of the information that I find. I have to stop posting for a few days and recoup.
But I don't ever think I would consider eating a placenta! That is just a bit to extreme for me! LOL
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  #16  
November 10th, 2009, 06:08 PM
PixieQueen's Avatar Hi-Tech Hippie
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LuxAeterna View Post
There's one other mama planning a homebirth.
Actually, there are at least 3 of us.

I hate when they ask questions they really don't want anyone to answer but those that agree with them. It's really annoying! The big baby thing is just one place this is an issue. Oh, well.
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