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Hi, I've been posting in Natural Childbirth for a little while and reading here as well. I'm Tishauna, expecting #2 sometime around 7/31. I've been on the fence about where/how I want to have my baby (1st was a "typical" hospital birth-pitocin/epi/etc). I originally narrowed it down to CNMs in a hospital or homebirth. The truth is, I know I want things in our care that the hospital isn't open to and I want to skip all the poking and prodding during and after. So homebirth seems like more of a match for me.
Intellectually I know that it's safe, that it will be much less stressful for both of us in the long run. But the fears I have (partially from a less-than-ideal first birth experience) are holding me back. I'm scared that maybe I'm the one woman in the world whose body can't birth naturally, that I'll end up with another 32 hour labor and want drugs, or that something will go wrong that the midwife can't correct. But the fears drive me nuts because I know that if I don't try I'll be disappointed when I start getting upset with hospital care (which I know will happen).
What advice would you give to a mom in my position? Any things that helped you get excited and pump yourself up for homebirth? I really do feel that a homebirth is the way to go, but I need to build up more confidence in my body and the natural birth process before I feel like I can "commit" and hire my midwife. Hopefully this isn't too crazy of an introduction!
I say research typical (I use this word loosely) home births. I have come across a lot of reports saying that home births tend to go faster since your in your own comfort zone. Especially with #2+ - Google home birth stories to get a better feel for how they go. I am in your same shoes as im trying to avoid a C-section
__________________ Ryker Benjamin is coming on Oct 10th, 2014!
I'm in your shoes too with trying to avoid a c-section... I'm hoping for an HBAC here in the next few days/weeks. I researched everything from plain home births to home birth vbacs. I read home birth stories, studied the statistics, even had a conversation with my family practice doctor who I've known since I was 6! Most docs won't even think about supporting you with a decision to have a home birth, mine is very supportive which is very rare.
Also, another thing that you should do is have daily affirmations to yourself. Your body is made to birth babies. Your body can do this. Your body will do this! Your body doesn't need to have all the augmentations to help it along! More than anything, trust in your body's ability to do what it has been designed to do!
If you decide at any time during labor that you want pain relief, your midwife will just transfer you to the hospital for the pain relief. It's not like by deciding that you want a home birth that you won't have the option of transferring to the hospital if you feel you really need pain medications.
I think you should consider hiring a doula. I am completely familiar with your situation and find often one just needs the peace of mind offered by the continuous, uninterrupted care of a doula. she can reassure you of your intellectual choices and help you to merge what is currently just a responsible match in to a introspectively spiritual event.
A couple thoughts, first labors are usually longer than second and subsequent labors. My first labor was 26 hours, my second was 8 hours, my 3rd-6th were all under 3 hours. With my first 2 I totally planned on natural childbirth and chickened out when the pain kicked in and got an epidural. With my 3rd, my ds was in the Navy and not there for the birth. I had absolutely no intentions of going natural with him. I got to the hospital and was shocked to find out that my labor was moving to fast and I couldn't get an epidural. Labor moved really quickly and my son was born. I am so grateful that I didn't have time for an epidural with him. His labor helped me realize that it wasn't that I couldn't, but fear was in my way. Transition is intense, but once you move through transition the rest was easy for me. I won't say that natural childbirth is easy, but it is an amazing feeling once you do it. I have no doubts that you can do it. For me, once I had my ds the rest of my kids I *knew* I could do it and with that the labors were easier. I didn't have the fears involved or the I can't thinking. I think a doula is a good choice whether you decide on a home birth or hospital birth. If you are hoping for an unmedicated birth I think having someone by your side would really help.
I'd read up as much as you can on home birth and try to make your decision from there.
I had the same sort of birth my first time around, in the hospital, pitocin, epidural, pushed for nearly 2 hours, etc. It was just plain awful and traumatic. I was in triage for over 12 hours, then had to share a room post partum. When I got pregnant the second time, I knew that was NOT the way I was going to birth again. I had trouble convincing my DH that a homebirth was the way to go, so we settled on a birthing center (it was affiliated with a hospital, its a house that sits on the grounds of a hospital). Anyways after my natural waterbirth there, I was much happier and more confident with my body. #3 was a homebirth and so will #4 be.
I definitely suggest talking to your midwife about any fears you may have as well as seeking out a doula Welcome to the board, I hope you stick around and learn more!!
Thanks ladies. I do plan on having a doula as well. This is just a funky mental block that I'm going to have to get myself over in order to have a chance at the birth experience that I want. I read a ton of positive books before DS came (Ina May, Henci Goer, etc) and I need to dig them out again and start believing in myself and letting go of the doubts. What I went through with my first birth really crushed my confidence and I think it will be really empowering to move past those thoughts and fears. I plan on sticking around and reading to learn from you who have done it before!
I can tell just by how you write with such hope that this birthing experience will be transforming for you! Congrats on being such a wonderful student of your own body! You have taken the time to read and develop a personal understanding! It will help disarm all those cultural fears!
I am a doula, but all the training/knowledge/experience in the world could not replace my own doulas! I am sooo thankful for their support! Truly, they kept me focused and reminded me of the value of what was happening.... It relieved my getting distracted by discomfort. I was able to celebrate each contraction as they gently would cheer me with soothing whispers, "that's one more closer to meeting your baby!"
I have not had a home birth but I have had two natural births and I wanted to add that it is 100% mind over matter. You need to make a decision before hand and keep that in mind while you are laboring. My other piece of advice to to find a natural child birth class that you and your SO can go to together. It will really help you prepare for labor and give you a lot of techniques to use. But mostly (for me) it gives you a little confidence booster every week. It's hard to find a class/teacher some times but you can look at a couple different styles like Bradley or Hypnobirthing.
Thanks everyone. I have decided to go ahead with the homebirth and take Birthing From Within classes (probably home study or by phone due to childcare issues). I also have already gotten a doula, I meet her after my first mw appointment in a couple of weeks. I feel good and excited about this decision, I'm not expecting it to be a cakewalk but I am hoping for an experience that I am happier with than I was in the hospital.