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On the fence...


Forum: Home Birth

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  #1  
March 4th, 2010, 01:15 PM
BobbityBoo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have posted a little bit in here over the last month or so, but I am just so confused and need help. I've been in here whining before so sorry yet again! =)

I really want a home birth. Our hospital option is a good one. I have a history of low risk, uncomplicated births. Our OB and hospital are supportive of a natural birth. I just don't want to do it there. I am dreading the stay afterwards and once I start thinking about that I start day dreaming of doing the whole thing at home.

But my DH is worried. He understands the stats and knows that the chances of anything going wrong are slim to none especially considering my history. But he is focusing on the .1% chance of something going wrong and not being able to handle if he lost me or the baby. He keeps saying "why fix it if it ain't broke", referring to our current hospital set up.

I can completely agree with him that chances are our hospital birth will turn out fine, no one will bug me and I can have a natural birth in a calm environment. But I can't let go of this romantic notion of doing it at home! I don't want to get in the car and go anywhere, I don't want nurses checking my blood pressure 5 times in the middle of the night after baby is born, I want to cuddle in bed with my new baby and my two older ones too!

I also don't want to alienate my husband. I respect him and look at this as our decision and our baby, so if he isn't on board then I would hate to bowl him over and just make the decision. And he will let me do that. If I insist this is what I want he will give in, maybe reluctantly but he will. If the situation was different, meaning we had a horrible doc that did a million c-sections no matter what then I would push him into it but in that case I think he would be in line for the midwife ahead of me.

What do you think? Do I need to give this up out of respect of DH? Or should I go with a home birth and hope my DH will love the experience when it's all said and done?
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  #2  
March 4th, 2010, 05:47 PM
_Brandy_'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I would let him know what the research says, it is as safe OR safer at home than in the hospital. You mention 0.1% chance of "something going wrong at home", the chance is higher in the hospital of "something going wrong". To me, that speaks volumes.

Good luck!
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  #3  
March 4th, 2010, 06:10 PM
BobbityBoo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by _Brandy_ View Post
I would let him know what the research says, it is as safe OR safer at home than in the hospital. You mention 0.1% chance of "something going wrong at home", the chance is higher in the hospital of "something going wrong". To me, that speaks volumes.

Good luck!
His issue is IF something were to happen (pretty much the scenario he is fearing is if the baby is having a hard time breathing) then being at home adds medical response time onto the situation. The midwife we would use does have some medications as well as oxygen and a mask if needed but she cannot intubate, therefore we would have to wait until paramedics arrived.

I just don't know how to argue that other than saying "that's not gonna happen". But it COULD happen. Hell, he was fine with home birth until we watched Pregnant in America where this EXACT scenario happened! Totally freaked him out and we dropped the idea of home birth for awhile. But I just can't get away from the idea...
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  #4  
March 4th, 2010, 06:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by _Brandy_ View Post
I would let him know what the research says, it is as safe OR safer at home than in the hospital. You mention 0.1% chance of "something going wrong at home", the chance is higher in the hospital of "something going wrong". To me, that speaks volumes.

Good luck!
I was the one more on the fence - and my DH pointed exactly this out. We've been taught that - oh the hospital is the safest choice - but it actually isn't. Something could go wrong either place - and statistically it's more likely in the hospital. I don't want to be in the hospital and have something go wrong - and think - if only I had stayed home where it was safer.
Here is the study that convinced me: http://www.cmaj.ca/cgi/reprint/181/6-7/377.pdf

good luck
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  #5  
March 5th, 2010, 10:07 AM
Twinkle's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
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I hope that you and your DH can come to an agreement soon. It must be a hard place to be for you both. My DH was never overly supportive of having a homebirth, he sounds a lot like your DH, like why mess with a good thing... Ultimately after meeting my midwives and running over every what if scenario in his head he ended up agreeing that it would be my choice. I was worried that his anxieties would affect me in labor, but it actually didn't. He kept himself super busy during labor and right after the birth.
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  #6  
March 5th, 2010, 01:45 PM
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I think it has to be something you and your DH are both comfortable with. My midwives actually are able to intubate because they have EMT/paramedic certification as well. I know that made my DH feel a lot better, although it really wasn't something that I cared about.

I would just go over as many studies as possible with him. My mom is a former Urgent Care physician and she's completely supportive of me having a home birth. She told DH and me that even in a hospital things can go majorly wrong and chances of infection, etc are much higher in a hospital setting.
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  #7  
March 6th, 2010, 08:28 AM
BobbityBoo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well he has since agreed to let me make the decision and he would support whatever I choose. I called the mid-wife yesterday to see if they still have room for me since it has been a month or so since we first met with her. I should hear back by Tuesday.

I'm kind of nervous. I mean I know I want this but I wish DH was more on board to settle some of my nerves. I am such a nerd! I push to get what I want and now I am all nervous nellie about it! =)
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  #8  
March 6th, 2010, 08:44 AM
laisydaisymama's Avatar Natural Birth Junkie
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I think he will feel better after talking to the midwife. If he won't, YOU ask her about worst case scenarios, and what happens if the baby is having problems breathing, etc. Let her tell him about past deliveries, transfers, things that HAVE gone wrong during births, and how it was handled.
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  #9  
March 6th, 2010, 12:29 PM
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I'm nervous too - but I know I'll be nervous anywhere!
Here we do have the option of just going to the hospital if it feels better at the time - can you do that too?
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