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"The Middle Wife" (a second grader's account of a home birth)


Forum: Home Birth

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  #1  
March 26th, 2010, 12:44 PM
Effervescence's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 6,791
Someone from our playgroup sent this to me, and I just died laughing. I always question the validity of these types of "chain mail" stories, but this one is so funny, even if it isn't true! Kids are so innocent and matter-of fact about all they see:

> The middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher :
>
> I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best "birth" story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
>
> When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
>
> Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
>
> She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'
>
> 'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'
>
> She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
>
> 'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
>
> 'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall)
>
> 'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
>
> 'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother.. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'
>
> Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along..
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  #2  
March 26th, 2010, 11:00 PM
laisydaisymama's Avatar Natural Birth Junkie
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 22,043
omigosh....I think that is the funniest thing I have EVER heard! I am emailing to my midwife NOW!!!
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  #3  
March 27th, 2010, 10:49 AM
BobbityBoo's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: The Left Coast
Posts: 816
That is great!!
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  #4  
March 29th, 2010, 04:41 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: australia
Posts: 941
haha. reading that always cracks me up. i love it. i have it saved in my emails to send on to people who appriciate a good laugh
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  #5  
March 29th, 2010, 11:33 AM
GranolaMamaOf3's Avatar ~Heather~
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: GA
Posts: 5,906
LOL! That is too funny! TFS!
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  #6  
April 7th, 2010, 08:46 AM
wonderfullymade's Avatar Doula & MW Apprentice
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PLAYCENTER?!!?!? ROTFLOL! I love it!
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