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"You're so Brave!"


Forum: Home Birth

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  #1  
June 20th, 2010, 06:14 PM
inyourhonor's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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This quote, do you take it as a compliment, put down or both?





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I have a hard time ever taking it as a compliment. It always seems like when discussing HB with someone who hasn't had one, doesn't agree with them or just doesn't know about them it always comes across as condescending and a put down.

It was said to me the other day and I just felt like going off on the lady. I didn't but honestly, i feel like I shouldn't be "brave" for having different views and ideas on birthing. I had one very bad hospital experience and honestly if you're going to say I'm brave about something, let it be that!

I don't get why people feel the need to claim home birthing is brave. I mean, i do, but it annoys me.


end of my pregnancy hormonal rant haha.
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  #2  
June 20th, 2010, 07:08 PM
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I always answer "I'm not brave at all... quite the opposite actually! After my son's birth I am terrified to go back to the hospital unless it was really necessary" that usually shuts people up.

(I had a bad hospital birth with DS)

I find that comment particularly infuriates me because it has a lot of implications. One of them being that I'm brave to go it without the drugs (which I am not, it's not that big a deal, really!) but the other is that I'm brave to be "taking a chance with my child's well being" and I'm usually on the receiving end of the latter.

People just don't get it, and I don't care to explain it to them so I'm pretty non-confrontational but I really, really hate it when people imply that home birth is less safe than in the hospital, when we all know it's the opposite!
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  #3  
June 20th, 2010, 07:24 PM
inyourhonor's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yes! You said how i felt better then I could have haha. It was just really irritating me today. My first birth was a horrible experience that could have been easily avoided had the hospital staff/doctors chose to not rush something that didn't need to be rushed. I wasn't going fast enough for them and being young they played on my fears. My trust went out the window.

My 2nd birth was MY birth. I took over my body, my feelings and I don't feel I am brave for that. I feel I am educated and a believer my body can do it at home without any sort of medical intervention unless absolutely life and death. I was brave for going to the hospital the first time, not for staying home the 2nd.
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  #4  
June 21st, 2010, 07:28 AM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
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I take it as a sign of ignorance. Or I think they just don't know what else to say. Kinda like the "you have your hands full" remark I hear ALL THE TIME.

I've also used the reply "actually, I think having a baby in the hospital is scary!" Usually that ends the conversation but at least a couple of times that initiated dialog about what they do in the hospitals and why I chose to stay home.
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  #5  
June 21st, 2010, 07:54 AM
Twinkle's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
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I hear this a lot, and I always respond that I am too scared to go to the hospital, that my first was born there and I could never go back since it was such an awful experience. This usually opens up the conversation a bit and I can talk a little bit about my choices and why I feel the way I do... at least with some people.
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  #6  
June 21st, 2010, 07:54 AM
Kelllilee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I've never taken it as a "negative" comment. But then, I don't get offended by people telling me how big I'm getting when pregnant either. I view that as a compliment. So maybe I'm just weird. I don't see the "brave" comment in a positive or negative way.
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  #7  
June 21st, 2010, 08:04 AM
laisydaisymama's Avatar Natural Birth Junkie
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yeah it's kind of an "eh whatever" comment to me. It's like they know saying "crazy" or "stupid" would be wrong, so they say "brave".

"I'm going to run with the bulls in Pamplona!" ......."well that's...brave...of you"

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  #8  
June 21st, 2010, 08:06 AM
inyourhonor's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think it can become a negative comment when it isnt meant as one with how the person relays it, you know? Thats how it was the other day and stress + hormones left me a bit annoyed haha. I don't always see it as something bad, especially if the conversation has been good
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  #9  
June 21st, 2010, 09:31 AM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
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"I'm going to run with the bulls in Pamplona!" ......."well that's...brave...of you"

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  #10  
June 21st, 2010, 09:39 AM
Twinkle's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jhmomofmany View Post
"I'm going to run with the bulls in Pamplona!" ......."well that's...brave...of you"

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  #11  
June 21st, 2010, 09:49 AM
inyourhonor's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Its not brave, its freaking crazy!
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  #12  
June 21st, 2010, 10:25 AM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think it's neither, unless someone says it sarcastically, then it can be rude. When someone says that I just smile usually. I don't care to explain how I'm not brave and that what I did was normal in other cultures. But sometimes I say "well I had my first in the hospital, and after that, I decided not to do it their way".
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  #13  
June 21st, 2010, 10:39 AM
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I usually say something like "No, you're brave to go to the hospital. I can control what happens to me at home." This usually shuts them up or opens up a dialogue if they are really interested.
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