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Is it "normal" to feel like this?


Forum: Home Birth

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  #1  
June 30th, 2010, 12:11 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,601
I had my third and last baby in October '09 and had everything planned out just how I wanted it to be: I had an awesome midwife, I was going to have a natural waterbirth at our birth center, I've had an unmedicated birth with my 2nd baby, so I knew how to cope with the pain of labor and knew what to expect...well, it didn't turn out the way I wanted it, at all...I ended up being transferred to the local hospital because my contractions quit and everything we were doing at the birth center was not working to get them going again, so I knew I would be put on pitocin at the hospital and I was so exhausted and felt like everything was already ruined anyway that I just got an epidural. I can't get the "what ifs" out of my head, like "what if I would have taken castor oil at the birth center to get things going again?" "what if I would have tried to still go unmedicated even at the hospital?" I guess I am just grieving about this in a way since I dont get to do it over again, he was my last baby and I surely wouldn't want to get pregnant again solely for the fact of trying to have my birth experience that I feel I was robbed of. Has anyone else gone through this? I think about it everyday still, even almost 8 months later. I feel like something is missing, part of me is broken or something. My midwife has told me over and over again to not beat myself up over it and that we did everything we could to make it work and then some but I still just feel like I was robbed of something so important to me, I am beginning to know how some c-section mommies feel, I imagine it's similar. I just feel like I failed...I failed myself, I failed my baby. This is the first time I have actually stepped up and said something about it, ive been pushing it down for a long time.
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  #2  
June 30th, 2010, 08:30 AM
laisydaisymama's Avatar Natural Birth Junkie
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 22,043
birth grief is normal. I had alot of it after my second son was born, it was a medical disaster of a birth. When my daughter was born, it was supposed to be my "redeeming" birth......she was a c-section.

I am planning on a homebirth this time, and I am TERRIFIED of things going wrong YET AGAIN.

grieve your birth, that's ok! Don't think you are overreacting, birth trauma can compare to PTSD in some cases.
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  #3  
June 30th, 2010, 09:11 AM
inyourhonor's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Metro Detroit
Posts: 17,592
Yes, grieving a birth is good! Do not stop yourself from feeling upset/hurt/angry whatever it is exactly about how your birth went.

My oldest's birth is my birth trauma. It was a hospital birth, that lead to so many unwanted interventions that lead to an unwanted c-section. He was born healthy andt hat was the biggest matter to me but however, his birth still haunts me. I had so many different ideas of how I wanted it to go and yet nothing happened that way.

My 2nd sons birth was a vbac at home, I was able to heal somewhat from my first birth. I still grieve, I still am hurt but I am learning through my next births that its okay to feel the way I do and that I am healing through them as well.

It took me a long time to 1. become okay with the fact that I was angry and hurt by my first sons birth and 2. that it was okay to feel that way

*hugs*
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  #4  
June 30th, 2010, 07:11 PM
Isaeph's Avatar Jennifer the Momma
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Boise!
Posts: 16,196
I agree with the above posters. My first birth was also traumatic to me. I was treated like a stupid child (I was nearly 21 and married to a 26yo, but I looked very young I guess) and so many things went wrong. I wanted natural and it didn't happen and I STILL cry over it sometimes almost 7y later. And that's my right. And your's too.
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  #5  
June 30th, 2010, 11:48 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,601
Thank you ladies, I appreciate the kind words and support.
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  #6  
July 1st, 2010, 09:52 AM
Twinkle's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 57,412
My first birth was traumatic as well.... I think what you are feeling is completely normal when you feel traumatized. Lots of hugs to you!!
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