Log In Sign Up

how did YOU convince dh?


Forum: Home Birth

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Home Birth LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
July 13th, 2010, 04:19 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 9,490
Ok I've read the sticky before but really honestly how did you convince dh of a homebirth...

We have four kids...three born in a hospital and one in a birthing center (that is no longer open)....SO...I DOOOO NOT want to ever go back to the hossy but I totally dont know if I can convince him to have a home birth...

And now we are renting so I guess I'd have to have permission from them too....but anyway...

Is there a specific site, research, story...etc...I think he is most worried about any possible clean up
__________________
Martha
Momma to Emma, Elzie, Gretchen, Olive, and Rogan

We aren't to give a baby milk, berries, or peanut butter. We are to introduce new foods one at a time. But it's OK to inject several viruses, bacteria, aluminum, formaldehyde, phenoxyethanol, animal serum, mercury, squalene and more into an 8 week old? I don't think so.
In order to be healthy it is an unfortunate fact that people must be allowed the opportunity to be ill. I trust my body and those of my children to work correctly against the relatively benign diseases they vax for, and do not trust the ingredients in the vaccinations.
Our choice to not vax isn't based in ignorance, poverty, conspiracy theory and rumor. It's research, common sense, fact and evidence based..something the medical community has largely forgot about.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
July 13th, 2010, 04:47 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 9,490
PS..we aren't currently expecting that I KNOW of LOL
__________________
Martha
Momma to Emma, Elzie, Gretchen, Olive, and Rogan

We aren't to give a baby milk, berries, or peanut butter. We are to introduce new foods one at a time. But it's OK to inject several viruses, bacteria, aluminum, formaldehyde, phenoxyethanol, animal serum, mercury, squalene and more into an 8 week old? I don't think so.
In order to be healthy it is an unfortunate fact that people must be allowed the opportunity to be ill. I trust my body and those of my children to work correctly against the relatively benign diseases they vax for, and do not trust the ingredients in the vaccinations.
Our choice to not vax isn't based in ignorance, poverty, conspiracy theory and rumor. It's research, common sense, fact and evidence based..something the medical community has largely forgot about.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
July 13th, 2010, 05:02 PM
inyourhonor's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Metro Detroit
Posts: 17,592
My first birth was a hospital birth, a birth I struggle with because of how things happened. Its my trauma birth.

My 2nd birth, was my home birth. I refused to go to a hospital and flat out told my husband that. If I have to do it, I want to do it MY way. I did look into midwives with a hospital but none had a backing doctor to take me as a VBAC patient. So thats when I said screw it.

I flat out told him while crying (wasn't trying to!) that I couldn't. I feared going back there. I laid it all out on the table for him. I had him watch 'The Business of Being Born' with me and he said I could look into a home birth midwife.

I found my midwife online and set up a consultation. He went with me and asked her every question he had, told her every fear he had. She answered them fully and when we left, he told me to cancel my other appointment we were going to go with the home birth route.

He was nervous up until our son was born. Now, he won't do it any other way. Its quite cute listening him talk to others about home birth.

As far as clean up? My midwife and her student did that. He helped some but the real mess, they did. They did laundry, dishes and even made us both something to eat. So honestly, if you can get him to meet with a midwife, which I recommend, bring up the clean up. They'll tell you how they go about it and everything else. Have him make a list of his questions and concerns and then meet with a midwife.

I never did research to bring up to him on home birth, I wanted him to talk to her and to hear my reasoning why I was afraid to go back to a hospital.

Thankfully it worked out for me.
__________________


Killian Rivers born April 17th at 36 weeks



Killian's Birth Story
Reply With Quote
  #4  
July 13th, 2010, 05:38 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 9,490
That is fabulous that it has worked so well for you!!! YAY...Hugs on your first birth!

I think my real problem is the whole HOME thing...he LOVED our birthing center birth...and the midwife route....but we didn't have a clean up question so I think that is where he is...

OH and the COST Of the home birth....it'd be around 4000 (give or take) around here I think....But not sure....I'd have to look farther into it...So if that is the case it's almost certain it's a no ....BUT I've not called anyone just going off of the midwives costs that were doing homebirths at the time I was in the center....(they did both places)....but finding others will be the trick!!!!

Anyway thanks for your review
__________________
Martha
Momma to Emma, Elzie, Gretchen, Olive, and Rogan

We aren't to give a baby milk, berries, or peanut butter. We are to introduce new foods one at a time. But it's OK to inject several viruses, bacteria, aluminum, formaldehyde, phenoxyethanol, animal serum, mercury, squalene and more into an 8 week old? I don't think so.
In order to be healthy it is an unfortunate fact that people must be allowed the opportunity to be ill. I trust my body and those of my children to work correctly against the relatively benign diseases they vax for, and do not trust the ingredients in the vaccinations.
Our choice to not vax isn't based in ignorance, poverty, conspiracy theory and rumor. It's research, common sense, fact and evidence based..something the medical community has largely forgot about.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
July 13th, 2010, 08:33 PM
Effervescence's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 6,791
I am a lucky one and never had to convince DH. In fact, he had to convince me to do it at home; I had started out planning a birth at our midwife's birth center. DH had wanted our first child to be born at home, but we couldn't find a midwife in our area (we've moved) and my mom and sister both scared me into going to the hospital. We already knew who we were going to go with when we found out we were pregnant again, and we were all set for a center birth when DH started saying "do you reeeeally want to drive down all those bumpy roads while in labor?" etc. After talking to the midwife repeatedly about it (she was probably getting annoyed with me over it LOL) she also convinced me that there really was no difference between birthing at home and at the center, except the drive. My final thoughts were why drive out to the center and then have to drive all the way back with a baby just hours old, when the midwife is willing to come to the house and do the same exact thing. The thought of having my bed immediately after birth was what did it

There was absolutely no cleanup for us either! Our midwife and her assistant cleaned up the birth area while I nursed Evie and we had some bonding time, and then they helped clean *me* up in the bathroom and even tucked me into bed. They even offered to clear the birth materials out of the cradle for me (I wanted everything to be in one spot, and it seemed easiest to put everything in the cradle so I could just tell people an obvious place to look) When they left, you could never tell a birth just happened there.We had more to clean up at the hospital with my son's birth!

Anyway, that's kind of opposite your question- it's how DH convinced me, but I think the same logic would work going the opposite direction. I remember when we were in the hospital with DS's birth, Daryl didn't even have a bed and he was so exhausted. I think the promise of immediate rest would be a huge factor for any daddy to be.
__________________


Click the blinkies!

Thank You, Pattyandthemoos, for my beautiful siggy!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
July 13th, 2010, 08:45 PM
laisydaisymama's Avatar Natural Birth Junkie
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 22,043
I am having a VBAC, so the threat of being forced into another c-section was enough to get him to consider something outside the hospital, then cost determined that home was better for us than the birth center.
__________________

-Ginni-
homebirthing, tandem nursing, cosleeping, babywearing, picky vaxing, cloth diapering Christian doula mama


www.lovingbeginning.com
www.givingdiapersgivinghope.org


Reply With Quote
  #7  
July 14th, 2010, 07:08 AM
oriel13's Avatar Tishauna
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 6,250
I really didn't give him much of a choice. I told him from the start that I refused to have our baby in the military hospital here. He worked there and has heard horror stories from coworkers so he understands that. And so I started looking at other hospitals, the birth center, and eventually home birth. Once I decided on home birth I basically laid out my reasons why and told him I already figured out how to pay for it (I had money saved up from when I used to work). He's still not 100% crazy about the idea and still thinks it's weird - if it were up to him we'd be going to the hospital again - but honestly it's not an area where I feel he should get veto power. So for me convincing him was never a real issue. The only thing that got him to stop complaining about it was when the midwife and doula told him he doesn't have to do any of the birth pool cleanup, I guess he thought of home birth as this big labor-intensive ordeal for him too. After he heard that he's kept quiet!

I hope you're able to figure something out!
__________________



Reply With Quote
  #8  
July 14th, 2010, 07:42 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 9,490
Well I brought it up last night....he said no at first....but then I got all teary and said "you are going to say no after thinking about it for two seconds...you aren't going to put ANY thought into it at all???" I said that I didn't expect him to say yes NOW that I wanted him to think about it and then asked WHY he'd not want to.

He said the clean up (he actually said "it's icky" LOL)....and I assured him that all my friends online that had had homebirths, their midwives cleaned up for them....it's part of why you pay them....and then he said that there is no hospital nearby in case of emergency...but that can be taken care of since there are hospitals in the next towns over and there is an ambulance that is kept in our town in case of emergencies....so I could say that IF we needed a hospital transfer we'd be taken care of....with having had a birthing center birth I KNOW he knows how much better it can be...so I brought up we wont have to leave with a few hour old baby and drive home all tired....we would BE home...

Then he brought up that we rent our house...I said well obviously I'd have to get permission...and if THEY said no then it's THEM...not my husband...saying no

In then end I felt I'd be able to convince him eventually if I found a midwife we could afford AND if I got permission from our landlord....so we'll see....

First I gotta be preggo Thanks for all the input....I lurk here occasionally....You ladies are a great help and inspiration! Thanks (ps keep the replies coming if you have something to add )
__________________
Martha
Momma to Emma, Elzie, Gretchen, Olive, and Rogan

We aren't to give a baby milk, berries, or peanut butter. We are to introduce new foods one at a time. But it's OK to inject several viruses, bacteria, aluminum, formaldehyde, phenoxyethanol, animal serum, mercury, squalene and more into an 8 week old? I don't think so.
In order to be healthy it is an unfortunate fact that people must be allowed the opportunity to be ill. I trust my body and those of my children to work correctly against the relatively benign diseases they vax for, and do not trust the ingredients in the vaccinations.
Our choice to not vax isn't based in ignorance, poverty, conspiracy theory and rumor. It's research, common sense, fact and evidence based..something the medical community has largely forgot about.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
July 14th, 2010, 10:54 AM
oriel13's Avatar Tishauna
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 6,250
Just out of curiosity, why would you need to get permission just because you rent? We also rent our house and as far as I know there's no need to ask or tell anyone anything unless it's already part of your lease that home births are forbidden. If I were you I'd ask around online about that and review your lease before going there!
__________________



Reply With Quote
  #10  
July 14th, 2010, 11:25 AM
Alison79's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 10,232
The "clean up" from our home birth took less than half of one garbage bag. I had a water birth so all we did was drain the tub. My midwife laughs at the "mess of home birth" myth - there really isn't much mess at all, and most of it is not bloody, just wrapping from supplies and some chucks pads. A birth center birth is the same thing as a home birth - just in someone else's "home" My midwife carries the same supplies and provides the same level of clean up as any birth center would.

I agree about the landlord thing too, I don't see why you would need their permission unless it was strictly mentioned in your lease.
__________________
Alison - Mom to: Emmeline (7/14), Augustus (2) Maximus (4) Eleanor (5) Reid (6) Evelyn (8) Lucas (13) Christopher (14)

Reply With Quote
  #11  
July 14th, 2010, 02:02 PM
inyourhonor's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Metro Detroit
Posts: 17,592
I agree about the rent. The house my 2nd was born in, we rented. I never told my landlords what was going on because honestly, it wasn't their business. They knew we were having another baby but that was it. They would not have been held liable if anything happened to me or baby in the house. So we never mentioned it to them.

So yeah, check your lease
__________________


Killian Rivers born April 17th at 36 weeks



Killian's Birth Story
Reply With Quote
  #12  
July 14th, 2010, 02:39 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pavia, Italy
Posts: 5,959
I didn't have to convince him. When I brought up TTCing #2 he asked me if I wanted a unassisted birth. I told him I was more thinking of a Midwife assisted homebirth, and that was pretty much that.
__________________
Mama to G, L & twins F & M
Started off 2013 homebirthing suprise twins Fia Celesta & Maddalena Isabella
Reply With Quote
  #13  
July 14th, 2010, 02:42 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Clovis, CA
Posts: 37,341
Send a message via AIM to navywifey2003
I just went through this with my DH. And it took some long talks and discussing. But what finally hit the nail on the head was a friend who had a baby last week and was a c/s after a downhill spiral of things at the hospital. He thought I was being crazy with how often it does happen but knowing someone it happened to first hand it was an eye opener. He is completely on board now.
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #14  
July 14th, 2010, 03:13 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 9,490
Our lease was VERY basic...I guess I just assumed I would have to since it's not OUR house....I'll do some looking and reading before it's an issue....I guess if something were "ruined" it's covered by deposit anyway right? Thanks for the thoughts...I'll mention this to dh when the time comes!

Thanks!!!
__________________
Martha
Momma to Emma, Elzie, Gretchen, Olive, and Rogan

We aren't to give a baby milk, berries, or peanut butter. We are to introduce new foods one at a time. But it's OK to inject several viruses, bacteria, aluminum, formaldehyde, phenoxyethanol, animal serum, mercury, squalene and more into an 8 week old? I don't think so.
In order to be healthy it is an unfortunate fact that people must be allowed the opportunity to be ill. I trust my body and those of my children to work correctly against the relatively benign diseases they vax for, and do not trust the ingredients in the vaccinations.
Our choice to not vax isn't based in ignorance, poverty, conspiracy theory and rumor. It's research, common sense, fact and evidence based..something the medical community has largely forgot about.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
July 14th, 2010, 05:01 PM
laisydaisymama's Avatar Natural Birth Junkie
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 22,043
I wouldn't talk to the landlord at all. if they said no, then you'd be stuck with that. Worst case scenario, you need to have the carpet shampooed later....and you shouldn't even need that!
__________________

-Ginni-
homebirthing, tandem nursing, cosleeping, babywearing, picky vaxing, cloth diapering Christian doula mama


www.lovingbeginning.com
www.givingdiapersgivinghope.org


Reply With Quote
  #16  
July 14th, 2010, 08:19 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 9,490
THanks for the advice...I think I'll take it....If we are even in this house still at that point LOL....anyway...Thanks for letting me know what you've done and what NOT to do lol....I just never thought about it....so thanks for opening my eyes!!!

__________________
Martha
Momma to Emma, Elzie, Gretchen, Olive, and Rogan

We aren't to give a baby milk, berries, or peanut butter. We are to introduce new foods one at a time. But it's OK to inject several viruses, bacteria, aluminum, formaldehyde, phenoxyethanol, animal serum, mercury, squalene and more into an 8 week old? I don't think so.
In order to be healthy it is an unfortunate fact that people must be allowed the opportunity to be ill. I trust my body and those of my children to work correctly against the relatively benign diseases they vax for, and do not trust the ingredients in the vaccinations.
Our choice to not vax isn't based in ignorance, poverty, conspiracy theory and rumor. It's research, common sense, fact and evidence based..something the medical community has largely forgot about.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
July 15th, 2010, 07:03 AM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pavia, Italy
Posts: 5,959
I don't think you need to tell your landlord. We are renting our house since we're only living here temporarily (moving to a different state soon) and we didn't tell them. They didn't even know I was pregnant and they live across the street from us. They were gone from Oct. - May. I had him in April. There was no mess at all. I gave birth to him in my living room and there was a few spots of blood on a chux pad and some fluids, but nothing got on the floor and you couldn't tell there was a birth there at all, except for the birth pool.
__________________
Mama to G, L & twins F & M
Started off 2013 homebirthing suprise twins Fia Celesta & Maddalena Isabella
Reply With Quote
  #18  
July 15th, 2010, 10:11 AM
Twinkle's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 57,412
We had Kate in the house that we rented, and never mentioned it to our landlord. We had a very basic, standard lease as well. I personally wouldn't bother mentioning it to them if you don't want to. As for your DH, I think you've gotten some great advice. I think the best part is getting him to at least meet with the midwives and ask all the questions he can. Hopefully their answers provide him with some confidence in having a home birth.
__________________

Check out Justmommies Blogs!



Are you interested in hosting a chat? Or maybe setting up a chat time for your board? Send me a PM for openings and more information!!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:00 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0