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Anyone keeping their home birth a secret?


Forum: Home Birth

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  #1  
March 21st, 2011, 02:37 PM
pink_piggy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 1,262
Just curious if others were keeping their HB on the DL

My family/friends don't know that I have switched from an OB to a home birth MW and I have no desire to clue them in until after the birth. My last appt w/ my ob was quite stressful. I told my mother about it and she couldn't believe what was said to me and thought I should have stood up for myself better. Instead I decided to not deal w/ it and find a more supportive provider. I just feel that I don't need any negativity around me right now. After cupcake is born I definitely plan to tell the world and get the word out b/c I don't think we should have to hide our decision or feel bad about it. I'm definitely ashamed in myself that I'm not putting it out there right now, but I just cannot deal w/ more stress at this point.

So, am I the only chicken in this room right now?
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  #2  
March 21st, 2011, 02:52 PM
mommybugnbugga's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Navarre, FL
Posts: 1,546
there are very few people that know we are planning a homebirth. we refuse to tell dh's family because they will flip out on us. We lied and told my sisters that we changed our minds and are going to a hospital (long complicated story there). So I think there is only about 3 people that know we are having a homebirth.
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  #3  
March 21st, 2011, 05:13 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 26,344
I'm not keeping it a secret, but I'm not being super open about it either. I just don't want to open myself up to so many negative comments, so I figure I'll only tell people if they ask.
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  #4  
March 21st, 2011, 07:01 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 9,490
Well...I dont lie...so when MIL asked we told them...she didn't seem to care (I'm sure they flipped AFTER we left but she's not said anything else to us)....I am really shocked about it all (the IL reaction) but MIL and FIL are the ONLY ones on dh's side that know we are planning a homebirth. I've not flat out said it on my facebook...most of them dont pay attention....but I have said small things like "we are planning an out of hospital birth" in a comment but I've never said HOME BIRTH....Dh doesn't want his family to know until afterwards. He doesn't want the neg. comments and such....

My family knows...and my dad talked to me (poorly) about it the other day...I let my mom know in the KINDEST way possible that if he wasn't going to be supportive he can't be here. Without saying so much...I wont have someone being jittery and making THE day not perfect cause THEY have an issue with it....

So yeah....there are some people we are secretive about it with. We WONT tell my dh's grandparents...they would flip and tell me how much can go wrong...so if they flat out ask it'll probably be "what hospital" or are you going to hospital x or hospital y.....and I'll say my choice of the two hospitals (if there were a transfer ) lol....that is the only way I'll do it....If they word it another way that doesn't make it that easy...I might just act like I didn't hear them or change the subject lol....I think my dh is avoiding them though...we've not been there in forever and I think he doesn't want the Q to come up so we just haven't been there LOL....


Anyway...I keep talking but the short version is yes and no...yes we are SOMEwhat secretive...but we arne't keeping it totally secret.
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Martha
Momma to Emma, Elzie, Gretchen, Olive, and Rogan

We aren't to give a baby milk, berries, or peanut butter. We are to introduce new foods one at a time. But it's OK to inject several viruses, bacteria, aluminum, formaldehyde, phenoxyethanol, animal serum, mercury, squalene and more into an 8 week old? I don't think so.
In order to be healthy it is an unfortunate fact that people must be allowed the opportunity to be ill. I trust my body and those of my children to work correctly against the relatively benign diseases they vax for, and do not trust the ingredients in the vaccinations.
Our choice to not vax isn't based in ignorance, poverty, conspiracy theory and rumor. It's research, common sense, fact and evidence based..something the medical community has largely forgot about.
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  #5  
March 21st, 2011, 07:02 PM
Destiny
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,755
Quote:
Originally Posted by andi2284 View Post
I'm not keeping it a secret, but I'm not being super open about it either. I just don't want to open myself up to so many negative comments, so I figure I'll only tell people if they ask.
Same here, after the way people treated me last home birth I don't want to open myself up to that kind of drama and negativity. So I don't say anything if they don't ask and excuse myself from the conversation if it gets too ignorant and critical.
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  #6  
March 21st, 2011, 09:10 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Michigan
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I will be keeping our homebirth a secret from family and some friends.... I got enough grief and stress from my family with my first pregnancy and it was just too much to handle....

I am also keeping the pregnancy in the dark too for a while due to the amount of stress from my family... I don't need negative vibes...
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  #7  
March 22nd, 2011, 05:49 AM
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The only person that knows in my family so far is my sister and she surprisingly took it well! She said nothing I do surprises her anymore (in a good way)

I will eventually tell my mom and my MIL because my mom wants to be at the birth and I need MIL to help with my older kids during the birth but I am still working up the courage to tell them haha. After that we are not telling anybody until after the baby is born because home birth isn't common around here and I don't need the negative energy!
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  #8  
March 22nd, 2011, 10:44 AM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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A few people know. I told my mom it didnt go well at all. But I keep talking to her about it and i know she doesnt want to hear it so I just dropped it. Im sure my mom told my dad. My SIL knows and she has been really supportive. A few friends IRL know but I have only told people IRL that I know would be supportive. Other than that no one knows but JM. I havent announced on FB about it or anything. I do post about NCB, hypnobabies etc and my whole family already think Im nuts anyways so it wont come as a shock really.
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  #9  
March 22nd, 2011, 11:34 AM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Nope I told everyone, they were all supportive.
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  #10  
March 22nd, 2011, 11:38 AM
HippyMomOf4's Avatar Hippy Mom Extraordinaire
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We have told everyone and surprisingly they were all supportive but a couple. I could care less what they think though so I just do what I want and what's best for me. Also they all know I'm a little different than most so I think that's why they don't question it LOL. My mom is most supportive and my dad too, my mom was even supportive of me encapsulating my placenta lol
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  #11  
March 22nd, 2011, 12:18 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,300
Quote:
Originally Posted by andi2284 View Post
I'm not keeping it a secret, but I'm not being super open about it either. I just don't want to open myself up to so many negative comments, so I figure I'll only tell people if they ask.
Ditto, though afterwords I plan to practically shout it from the rooftops! We're even getting a few cute home/waterbirth onsies for the babe to wear.

My state has the highest rate of out of hospital births, so I don't think there will be issues with anyone nearby. My mother, who lives in a different state, is most likely going to lose her mind which is the primary reason for not announcing publicly right now.
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  #12  
March 22nd, 2011, 12:45 PM
pink_piggy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Las Vegas, NV
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That's so great to hear that some of you have a wonderful support system. I'm really jealous, but super happy for you!

I honestly don't know how my family would really take it, and don't care to find out before the birth. They know I'm a little bit different than the norm, so like some of you, I'm sure they would just accept it after they rolled their eyes at me. LOL The nice thing is, they are in the midwest and I'm on the west coast so I don't have to deal w/ them on a daily basis. I honestly never thought about parenting styles til after getting pregnant and learned of AP, and feel that that is the way I'll be going. I'm sad to say that no one in my family has parented like that. My dad's wife tho sounds like that is more her parenting style, so I think she will understand me more than anyone. She's all about breastfeeding and I love it. Two of my cousins both told me they didn't breastfeed b/c it was "icky" sad!

I keep getting the "which hospital are you registered at" q and I just say the one we'd prefer to go to. Figure no one needed to know we really haven't registered there until later.
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  #13  
March 22nd, 2011, 07:38 PM
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That is what I do as well when they ask which hospital...I say the one i'd go to if it were in case of transfer LOL
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Martha
Momma to Emma, Elzie, Gretchen, Olive, and Rogan

We aren't to give a baby milk, berries, or peanut butter. We are to introduce new foods one at a time. But it's OK to inject several viruses, bacteria, aluminum, formaldehyde, phenoxyethanol, animal serum, mercury, squalene and more into an 8 week old? I don't think so.
In order to be healthy it is an unfortunate fact that people must be allowed the opportunity to be ill. I trust my body and those of my children to work correctly against the relatively benign diseases they vax for, and do not trust the ingredients in the vaccinations.
Our choice to not vax isn't based in ignorance, poverty, conspiracy theory and rumor. It's research, common sense, fact and evidence based..something the medical community has largely forgot about.
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  #14  
March 23rd, 2011, 10:33 AM
~*3 little bears*~'s Avatar Jack~Mack~Brooke~Baby
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I'm new to the homebirth board so I hope its ok that I reply here. This homebirth will be a vba2c which is illegal for a midwife to attend here in my state but I found one who is willing to risk her license and attned (she has done several) but for this reason and because I want to avoid the negativity of other peoples responses we are keeping it a secret until after the birth. I asked my mom if I did a homebirth if she would want to be there but if she wants to come the rule is smiles and happiness only. She said "I will just keep the kids at my house then" but I would rather her be honest than to come and ruin my experience ya know?
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  #15  
March 23rd, 2011, 12:36 PM
GranolaMamaOf3's Avatar ~Heather~
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: GA
Posts: 5,906
We made it pretty clear what our intentions were, and no-one dared say anything negative. I'm a doula, and DH is a paramedic, so I guess they all just figured we knew what we were doing

Also, we have a lot of friends who have HB's, and our family is very natural childbirth friendly.

So, basically, we had it easy! I don't blame anyone who has decided to keep it quiet for one reason or another. You have to do what you think is best for you!!
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