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  #1  
May 23rd, 2011, 11:05 AM
2Corinthians10:4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 12,959
Me and my husband are planning on TTC in either December or January. I really want a homebirth and he is 1000% against it, he says that he doesn't want something going wrong and me dying because we can't get to the hospital in time. Reluctantly he has agreed to study home birth some before we TTC, but I think he said that just to shut me up at the time. I want this decided before we TTC and my husband is one of those people that need journal back articles that show how safe it is. I do plan on getting him to watch the business of being born but other than that I am having trouble finding articles on home birth benefits. Please help me find these studies. I have looked into the convincing your Dh sticky but I need more, lol. If you have anything please let me know!

Also I want to know if anyone thinks a homebirth is possible for us with our situation. We are military and we are currently in California. We plan on TTC in December or January but in late March/early April we are leaving to go back to Texas for about 3 months while Dh goes to Good Fellow to finish AIT. We will get to our permanent duty station in around July or maybe early August. If (Lord willing) I am pregnant then I would be due in September or October, would that be too late to find a home birth midwife? What do I do about prenatal care in the meantime?

Thanks ladies!
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  #2  
May 23rd, 2011, 11:31 AM
mommybugnbugga's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Navarre, FL
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Have you thought about having a pre-conception visit with a Homebirth Midwife near you? That is how I convinced my dh. Even after reading and watching movies he was still adimit that it wasn't going to happen. I convinced him to go to a preconception visit so he could talk to the midwife and get answers from her. Once she started pulling out 5" binders full of stastics and procedures, my dh started waivering. He was able to ask her the questions he had concerns about and he ended up being sold on the idea.

Another movie is Pregnant in America. That movie really solified my dh on our decision to have a homebirth.
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  #3  
May 23rd, 2011, 11:38 AM
2Corinthians10:4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I had thought about a visit after I got pregnant but not about one before, good idea!
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  #4  
May 23rd, 2011, 12:32 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Pregnant in America is an awesome documentary and I highly recommend it. Sit down and have a talk with DH, an open talk. And ask him what he is afraid of. You say he's afraid of something going wrong, but does he know what can go wrong and the frequency of that risk? Maybe find some unbiased studies on things that can go wrong and who him that it isn't that common and that a lot of the things that go wrong are due to interventions in the hospital. I would also try to find stats on the hospital you'd give birth at if you didnt' have a homebirth and show him. Like epidural and c-section rates (can be hard to find for some hospitals). You can also show him the sheet on risks for each intervention. I'd also talk to some Midwives and have your DH ask them questions so the MW can address his concerns. I think he will be suprised to find out that majority of births with little to no interventions go a lot smoother than those that are medicalized, and that majority of births go fine no matter what.
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  #5  
May 23rd, 2011, 12:47 PM
2Corinthians10:4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My Dh went to nursing school, but dropped out 3 months before graduation. He was there for the whole maternity/L&D/Post Partum rotation though so he got to here all their statistics about how dangerous home birth is, etc, etc.

I have sat down and tried to talk to him about it and he says he knows all about the benefits to the baby and how it is good for the baby to be born in a calm setting, see the family first not strangers, etc. But he says he 'knows' the risks of something happening to ME and me not getting to the hospital in time. These risks are what was told to him during nursing school.

I will try to get him to watch both of those documentaries, and I plan on seeing if he will sit down and talk to a midwife with me so he can ask her questions. I have been looking all day and I have found some studies online. I guess I just want enough information together that I can punch in the face all the 'statistics' the nursing school gave him.
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  #6  
May 23rd, 2011, 12:51 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Clovis, CA
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What area of CA are you in? My midwife is amazing! And she is a certified nurse midwife which is required for tricare to pick up part of the birth!
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  #7  
May 23rd, 2011, 12:55 PM
2Corinthians10:4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am in Monterey now, but unless I had an oops in the next two cycles I wouldn't be delivering here.
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  #8  
May 23rd, 2011, 01:18 PM
mommybugnbugga's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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ANother idea is get your dh to make a list of all the concerns he has. Make him be specific about it...such as (these were on my dh's list):

1. What if my wife starts to hemmorage?
2. What if the baby isn't breathing?
3. How do you know when it is appropriate to transfer?

Those were just a few of my dh's (his list was 2 sheets of paper front and back...lol). If he makes the list, you can start with some research and see what answers and statistics you can find. Also, if you have a preconception visit he can take those with him and ask those questions.
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  #9  
May 23rd, 2011, 01:26 PM
2Corinthians10:4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That's an awesome idea. I'll just have to convince him to do it lol.
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  #10  
May 23rd, 2011, 03:02 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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Darn too far from here. But I do agree that a preconception appointment with a midwife would be a great idea.
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  #11  
May 23rd, 2011, 11:28 PM
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You've gotten great advice already....Another birthing video I watched was Orgasmic Birth...it does touch base on the natural part of birthing but it was more for MY watching than dh's cause he would have rolled his eyes....but yeah...Pregnant in America and The Business of Being Born both helped convince my dh...also he went to the first prenatal appt and asked the midwife all his questions....Now that I'm due he's really kind of freaking out....he's super nervous which is hard to not let him rub off on me....but I keep being cool about it and reassuring him...anyway....that isn't the point lol...

MY dh was SUPER against it...but after the documentaries (fortunately we both are documentary nerds and enjoy watching them)....and me printing off a pile of information for him to read BEFORE he decided...AND the visit (a preconception one is a great idea) all convinced him. He didn't even read the articles I printed....(LOL He looked at my stack and said let's just watch the movies)....I had him take all his concerns straight to the Midwife instead of ME answering them....etc....

I did some google searches for "dad's view of homebirth" and "convincing my husband homebirth is safe" and "homebirth vs hospital birth" and "homebirth safety" and so on....I found ones that were reputable sources as well as some that were blog entries (like a dad's point of view of the birth"....

Some of the simple fears are the clean up process....my dh was scared he'd be the one cleaning it all up on his own....

Also in convincing him I also looked up the safety of hospital births...and compared that to home....c section rates..induction rates....etc....

Anyway...good luck....I hope you can get him on your side....starting now is a great idea. Dont hound him about it....just get books and print outs and documentaries and such in a stack....show him how much effort you are putting into becoming educated yourself as WELL as educating him....and make a decision together....maybe you can compromise with a birthing center (been there done that as well and it was VERY VERY nice...though I'm talking free standing birth center not hospital "birth center")....have him pull information as well....so you can look at HIS side of it....if he finds something that can be countered with a study....provide him with that info....make it into a fun "game" that of coarse WE want you to win lol
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Martha
Momma to Emma, Elzie, Gretchen, Olive, and Rogan

We aren't to give a baby milk, berries, or peanut butter. We are to introduce new foods one at a time. But it's OK to inject several viruses, bacteria, aluminum, formaldehyde, phenoxyethanol, animal serum, mercury, squalene and more into an 8 week old? I don't think so.
In order to be healthy it is an unfortunate fact that people must be allowed the opportunity to be ill. I trust my body and those of my children to work correctly against the relatively benign diseases they vax for, and do not trust the ingredients in the vaccinations.
Our choice to not vax isn't based in ignorance, poverty, conspiracy theory and rumor. It's research, common sense, fact and evidence based..something the medical community has largely forgot about.
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  #12  
May 24th, 2011, 07:17 AM
2Corinthians10:4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks ladies. We sat down and watched the first half of the Business of Being Born last night, we are watching the second half tonight. We would have watched it all last night but we started it pretty late. He said he has moved from it being a definate no to it being a probably no, hopefully the second half will get him. I showed him all the studies I had book marked so far and asked him if he wanted me to print them off for him to read whenever and he said no, lol, he did tell me he has already researched it some on his own though. I guess we will see, December is a ways away still so I have time.
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  #13  
May 24th, 2011, 07:56 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 9,490
Well that shows that he's at least THINKING about it....PROBABLY isn't absolutely....that's like saying Maybe....In fact I think my dh said "probably no" or "most likely no" or something.....

When it got down to the nitty gritty I finally said "LOOK...I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our baby or myself...I want the safest birth possible...I just think birth is a natural event and not one that needs to be treated like an illness. I completely want to agree with you on this and we will have to come to SOME sort of agreement...but I'm the one birthing this baby and to tell me that you wont consider something that I feel is important is not really fair, to me. "

Or something like that.....he's said at some point in our homebirth journey that he really wouldn't CHOOSE this route but that I'm the one having the baby and it's what I think is best and he is supporting me. I WANT him to agree and think it's best and he does to some extent...he is just the worrier.

HUGS I hope you guys can come to an agreement in the next 6 or so months

KEEP US POSTED
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Martha
Momma to Emma, Elzie, Gretchen, Olive, and Rogan

We aren't to give a baby milk, berries, or peanut butter. We are to introduce new foods one at a time. But it's OK to inject several viruses, bacteria, aluminum, formaldehyde, phenoxyethanol, animal serum, mercury, squalene and more into an 8 week old? I don't think so.
In order to be healthy it is an unfortunate fact that people must be allowed the opportunity to be ill. I trust my body and those of my children to work correctly against the relatively benign diseases they vax for, and do not trust the ingredients in the vaccinations.
Our choice to not vax isn't based in ignorance, poverty, conspiracy theory and rumor. It's research, common sense, fact and evidence based..something the medical community has largely forgot about.
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  #14  
May 24th, 2011, 11:34 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,300
Aside from everything already mentioned I'd also suggest you simply You Tube a few videos of homebirth, some of them are very beautifully done.

Also this site has a story from a dad's perspective. It's an unassisted homebirth, but the father writing it talks about how he was totally against homebirth in any form at first. My Story
At the top of this forum is a link to other resources as well.
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  #15  
May 26th, 2011, 08:03 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,571
For what it's worth, I am a nurse practitioner with a PhD, the daughter of a L&D nurse, and I am having a home birth because I feel confident with the benefits versus the risks. There is risk to you in the drive to the hospital, just as there is a small risk of something serious happening during the home birth. Midwives are trained to deal with emergencies, and the majority carry pitocin, O2, etc. for those emergencies. My mother was one of those brainwashed L&D nurses who thought out of hospital births were totally unsafe because she had absolutely no idea what midwives are trained to do or what equipment they carry. My mom is more accepting now that I had my second child out of the hospital and she knows more about the practice.
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  #16  
May 29th, 2011, 01:44 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
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My DH convinced me - with this article : http://www.cmaj.ca/cgi/reprint/181/6-7/377.pdf
Cheers!
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