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my SIL is a nurse and she had us over for dinner last weekend and started trying to scare me into a hospital birth... I didnt want to be rude so I took it... and kind of started to shut down... I DONT NEED people to say things like that to me... I have thought, prayed, and researched the crap out of it... and my husband and I both feel comfortable with our decision... I dont know how many times I have to tell them (those who judge me for wanting a home birth) that... I kind of got frustrated that my hubby didnt jump in and say that enough is enough... and to not talk about it anymore with me... I know they mean well and are just worried about me and my baby but still... dont they think Im worried about the same thing?!?! thats why Im choosing to have a home birth!
my brothers wife just had a home birth yesterday and her midwife is my midwife... Im glad I have the support from her... my MIL is worried about me and baby but she has not guilt tripped me into having a hospital birth... and shes not the type of person to do that... THANK GOODNESS!!! lol
so how do you deal with those who feel its THEIR business on where I deliver my baby? I dont want to be rude or mean to anyone but I think if I get any more guilt trips Im gonna EXPLODE at that person!
With our first home birth, people in our life who cared about us were concerned about the safety of it (it's not very common here yet)...but were never disrespectful. We knew it was just because they cared. We explained that our midwife is trained to spot problems before they become life threatening emergencies and to handle anything that might happen.
For the odd person who really was just disrespectful about it, I'd just say "We're going to have to agree to disagree on this one, because we're comfortable with our decision. Here...try the bean dip."
Have you spoken to your DH about how upsetting and frustrating this situation was for you? Try communicating that you need him to support you and stand up for you more. Or even ask him to go directly to your SIL and speak with her so as to avoid this happening again.
Unfortunately, people are going to be forward with their opinions, and sometimes downright rude. You have every right to give them the old "if you can't say anything nice, please don't say anything as all" line. ((Hugs))
yeah I talked to my hubby last night about it... and he said he didnt know what to say either... and that he felt bad and was trying to be supportive of me... so I told him I needed him to say basically that we have made our decision and to please keep your negative opinions to yourself! so i think now hes ready for whoever else wants to be negative with us...
I find it so crazy that home birthers get so much flack when ladies lined up to be medicated, induced, scheduled sections, and all that stuff are considered 'normal.'
I have met a lot of home birthing couples through the years, and they are the most prepared, patient, and well-informed parents out there.
I'm sorry you are not feeling support from your SIL, but it does sound like you have good support around you. Maybe you could gently, yet specifically ask your husband to intervene in these conversations?
~Lisa, homebirthing, homeschooling , homesteading mama and student midwife. Married to my beloved for 20 years, raising a big brood of children on a little farm in Southern Michigan.
Evie, born 12.31.13
Baby due in July!
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I was lucky that I didn't catch too much flack from anyone. Mainly because only a handful of people knew we were planning a home birth. I'm really not sure how I would have handled it if it had been an immediate family member making comments. We only heard it from acquaintances so it was easy to brush off. I guess just tell her that you appreciate her concern but you've already made an informed decision and it isn't up for discussion anymore.
With my first hb I went round after round with people who love us and were concerned. it did not help, because they weren't interested in learning, they were interested in changing my mind. I don't do that anymore. mostly I simply say, "thank you for your opinion. pass the bean dip, please," and end the conversation. if it is my family, and they continue, I will remind them that we have been through this before, and it still isn't up for debate. his family, I let him deal with. lol. random people, it depends on my mood and the tone of their comments. I've been known to be pretty rude from time to time, when people are rude to me. I think my bs tolerance level is way down in the last few years. lol.