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Keeping visitors at bay after a homebirth?


Forum: Home Birth

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  #1  
August 30th, 2007, 10:24 PM
ragmama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
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Anyone have advice on how to keep visitors from swarming your home after a homebirth? I know (and appreciate) that everyone is excited about a new baby and will be dying to meet her when she arrives...but honestly, I'd just like to be left alone for a while. We're planning to have no one present but me, DH and the two midwives. Of course, our older daughter will be with a grandparent - probably DH's parents, since they live closer - assuming that I don't labor through the night or anything. So obviously, we'll want her brought home very soon to meet her new baby sister - and that means that the grandparent(s) that have her will have the 'honor' of meeting baby first. But, my mom and her husband, my dad and stepmom, my best friend and her husband and son...are all going to (I feel like) 'expect' to come and meet the baby immediately. (The playgroup moms will probably be calling the next day.) I'm tired just thinking about it...

So, how did you handle all the would-be visitors? Did you just let them come, so as not to be rude, and then hide in the bedroom with baby when you'd had enough? Tell them ahead of time to please be patient? How did they handle whatever you chose to do?
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  #2  
August 30th, 2007, 10:30 PM
Alison79's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I would just let any potential visitors know that you'd like some time for recovery and bonding before having guests. Perhaps suggest that they stop by in a week or so and you'd be more up for visiting then. As for the playgroup Moms, if they are brining food let them stop by and have DH greet them, say thank you and send them on their way I am sure they would understand that you need some times as a new family
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  #3  
August 30th, 2007, 10:36 PM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Here are some of the things I've been told, since I have the exact same fear
-make your dh the point man.. the one that enforces it to everyone that you'll let everyone know when they can start visting
-Leave the same message on your voicemail and answering machine
-leave a beautiful note annoucing the birth but respecting privacy and that you'll let everyone know when to visit
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  #4  
August 31st, 2007, 06:34 AM
ragmama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Those are great ideas for regular visitors - friends, etc. - but I couldn't very well tell my PARENTS any of those things. I just don't want everyone descending on the house when she's an hour old, you know?
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  #5  
August 31st, 2007, 07:20 AM
Butter's Avatar Heather the Mama Duk
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I like having people come right away... No one ever stayed long.
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  #6  
August 31st, 2007, 10:50 AM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I've already told my parents and inlaws that I"ll want to rest and dont want alot of vistors, just me and dh. I think they'll be pretty good about it. Just be specific with them
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  #7  
August 31st, 2007, 11:51 AM
Thunderlily's Avatar Living my dream
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I fear that too... My plan right now is to just appoint either DH or my mother (she'll be attending the birth too) as a 'door guardian' . They can let peope know that we're not seeing anyone (recovering) for the next three days (or so)... I hope it works. I really don't want all my husband's relatives descending on us! All of my family lives far away.
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  #8  
August 31st, 2007, 03:57 PM
ShawnaCAN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We just told everyone in advance that we didn't want any visitors for the first 3 days. When someone stopped by unannouced, my husband just answered the door "Sorry, she's resting with the baby right now. Come back in a few days." That's it.

The only people allowed earlier were my inlaws, because they brought the other kids over to meet their new sibling....and then took them away again.

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  #9  
August 31st, 2007, 04:03 PM
ShawnaCAN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We just told everyone in advance that we didn't want any visitors for the first 3 days. When someone stopped by unannouced, my husband just answered the door "Sorry, she's resting with the baby right now. Come back in a few days." That's it.

The only people allowed earlier were my inlaws, because they brought the other kids over to meet their new sibling....and then took them away again.

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  #10  
August 31st, 2007, 04:11 PM
ragmama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks, ladies. I'm still just not sure...there's no way I can tell my mom not to come for three days, you know? And she has a 35+ minute drive just to get to our house. Ditto to my best friend and her family - they live an hour away. I doubt any of them would drop by, stay just a few minutes and then leave.

One thing is for absolute certain - the phone is going to be unplugged from labor on. I hate hearing it ring under normal, everyday circumstances - I will NOT be dealing with it then!!
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  #11  
August 31st, 2007, 05:29 PM
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Living in the middle of nowhere should do the trick for us, lol!
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  #12  
August 31st, 2007, 06:21 PM
MountainMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Once I do manage to get pregnant, I have a simple solution in mind for this. Once I get to 39 weeks I am going to tell people that I am just too tired for visitors, and that we will call when I feel more up to it. Then we won't let anyone know I've gone into labor until we are ready for visitors.
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  #13  
September 1st, 2007, 10:57 PM
LaLa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well, I think just talk to your mom now and explain that youll likely be tired & want rest. That for at least the first day youd prefer no visitors. Would you be up for a compromise and allow a brief (30 min) visit as long as she was coming to help?

We thought the same thign - but after the birth, we ended up welcoming any visitors - 1 at a time - during daylight hours - that was willign to do some housework while DH & I slept with the baby. We had a couple people over - 1 a day- and theyd come, do some light cleaning - make one meal that would last us till the next day - and then leave. They all were thrilled to do it, becuase they at least got to sneak a peek at the baby - and didnt really want to stay any longer b/c there was nothing to do lol. We all slept the whole time, and the only thing they coudl do was clean lol.

So - perhaps compromise and just say "well likely be needing some sleep - so if youd like to come over for a few mintues, great, but otherwise wait until weve caught up on sleep. Or perhaps theyd be willing to just come pick up the older child for a few hours - get her out of the house since you guys will likely be catching up on sleep, etc.

Lala...
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  #14  
September 2nd, 2007, 10:50 PM
MrsPil's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We told the people who came over that they were welcome for 20-30 minutes at a time providing they weren't ill, would help with chores all that. The sign we put on the coffee table:
SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH!

This house has a new baby!

_____________________________________
was born on

_______________________ at ____________

and is ____lbs _____oz and _____ inches long
__________________________________________________ __________


Please help support our new family during this special time by:

 Limiting visits to 20 minutes (unless helping with housework)
 Washing hands before holding baby
 Avoid visiting if you have a cold or have recently been ill
 Offering to pick up groceries or run errands for the first couple weeks
 Bringing meals to the family
 Helping with household chores (laundry, dishes, etc.)




How you can help


For the first few weeks mom should spend as much time as possible resting and bonding with her baby. She needs to recover her strength and adjust to the new demands of a baby. You can help her in the following ways:

 Empty the dishwasher
 Empty the garbage
 Take out the trash
 Reload the dishwasher
 Make sure there’s a water bottle near Steph if she’s feeding
 Make a quick snack (there’s cookie dough in the freezer )
 Start a meal in the crockpot


We let people know that we prefered for them to keep their distance and most obliged. The only ones who didn't were DH's paternal grandmother and aunts. And they're people that I'm not fond of anyway so I was expecting it and had my dad sitting as door guard. He very nicely but very firmly kicked them out after 15 minutes.
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  #15  
September 8th, 2007, 07:43 PM
home4mygirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Unfortunately, I hadn't thought about this AT ALL before dd's birth, so I had visitors pretty much non-stop for the first week or so after the baby was born. I was very weak anyway because of a REALLY long pushing phase and VERY hard labor along with a bit more than usual blood loss, so it was pretty miserable for me. The only people I really felt comfortable with were my mom, stepdad, and sister. They came and went and understood about sleep and all that and I didn't mind them being there at all, plus, they helped with housework and food, so it was okay. With everyone else, I felt the need to "entertain" them. It was awful.
This time, I'll definitely plan better and will have some sort of plan to keep them away for a while after the baby is born. Unfortunately, people think that since you had the baby at home that you're supposed to be the "hostess" and take care of them like you did when you HADN'T just given birth. At least, that's what most of my visitors seemed to think. I'll be much better prepared this time, and dh will have his orders to be the "door guard."
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  #16  
September 9th, 2007, 09:58 PM
4boys
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We did this when we had Ben (we were in the hospital, but it probably would work at home too and we'll do this again this time): We didn't tell anyone we were in labor and we didn't call anyone to tell them he was born until visiting hours were well over. If you don't want people to come, let them assume you are still in labor or just don't tell anyone anything. I realize that SOMEONE will have to know if they are keeping your other children (if you have them) but this might keep other people away for the first half or full day at least. And my DH is not shy about telling people to scram or making sure to tell people to call first before visiting. I also think that people are less likely to visit you right away in your own home than in the hospital. The hospital is more of a public place and your home is your own space.
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  #17  
September 11th, 2007, 05:59 AM
dzt66's Avatar Super Mommy
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I am very concerned about this too. My husband is a pastor and when we had our last two girls in the hospital, the traffic flow was non-stop. SO annoying. Fortunately, we do live in a gated community and they will have to be buzzed into the house, but still. I hate seeing people while I am laying there looking terrible. I am just hoping people will respect our privacy!
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  #18  
September 12th, 2007, 05:32 PM
ragmama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Erin, what a great idea! Oh my gosh, why didn't it occur to me to just NOT call everyone right away...? Now, knowing my luck, my babe will come at like, 2 a.m. and I'll feel guilty not calling everyone with the news after a few hours of sleep...

Steph, I LOVE the coffee table sign idea! I don't know, under normal circumstances I'd feel really bad about "posting" something like that for my guests to see...but I'm really working on changing that mindset so I don't feel compelled to play hostess right away. It's not easy, but boy would that sign be helpful!!
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  #19  
September 12th, 2007, 05:51 PM
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Posts: 196
A lock on your door and a firm "doorman". I did not have a home birth but at a free standing birthing center and was home within 6 hours of delivering and we made the mistake of not locking our door...unfortunately a distant relative thought it appropriate to enter our home WITHOUT knocking. I was furious! We put a note on the door announcing the name, date, time etc. of our newborn and that mommy and daughter were sleeping. We left that up all day, even if I wasn't sleeping.
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