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I am starting to get really nervous about my home birth. Only 34 days until my due date. I have had two epidural births and this is my first natural delivery. I am afraid of losing control and embarrassing myself or scaring my children. I am afraid of not doing it right, that it won't go well. I am afraid that I am not prepared enough. I have read the books and am doing the exercises, but what if it wasn't enough?!?! What if I didn't prepare DH enough and he doesn't do a good job coaching me or giving me what I need?
Any advice is welcome! Help calm my nerves!
Proud mommy to Kourtney Lauren (10/01/03), McKenna Grace (07/11/05), and Blake Matthew (10/21/07)
(((((Kelly)))))) Your body knows how to do this. It knows exactly how to give birth. If you were alone on a deserted island without any preparation at all - no DH, no exercises, no books, no videos, no internet - your instincts would kick in and you would know exactly how to birth your baby. Trust yourself!
Oh wow, only 34 days - how exciting!! My first (and only) birth was an induced hospital birth with epidural, so I'm with you - the closer it gets to "time", the more anxious I am about the whole thing. Realistically, I KNOW I'll be fine - like Shawna said, your body knows what to do - but I think it's just an expectant mommy thing to worry about it anyway.
The whole staying in control thing was a big issue with me before Rachael came, but I remember just not caring what I said/did/looked like while in labor with her, so I'm trusting that'll happen again - hopefully more so, since I'll be in the comfort of my own home. We did decide to have my in-laws come and take Rachael while I'm labor (unless it's the middle of the night, of course) so she's not scared...and so I'm not anxious about scaring her, or (worse) annoyed by her. Maybe stocking up on a few small surprises to keep your girls entertained during labor would help keep them occupied and your mind off of how they're doing? Just a thought. You don't need to be worried about anything if you can help it.
I know it's easy to say "don't worry", but do try...you're going to do GREAT!!
mom to Rachael, 10 ~ Milly, 6 ~ foster mom (waiting on the next call)
You are in good company! Every single mother, whether she has had no home births, or 10 home births, goes through the same nerves and anxiety. It's completely normal! Just trust your body and yourself, you will be FINE!!
I did the same thing with my dd - read ALL the books, watched videos, talked to my mom (she was a midwife for 20 years before she retired), did internet research, absorbed absolutely EVERYTHING I could about birth, labor, etc. And (shockingly enough) had NO idea what to expect!
It's a different experience than anything else you've ever done, and even though I've already done it once, I'm already nervous about this next birth, so you're definitely not alone!
You will be OKAY! You have a great support system, and your body will know what to do when the time comes!
"We do not choose to be born. We do not choose our parents, or the country of our birth. We do not, most of us, choose to die; nor do we choose the time and conditions of our death. But within this realm of choicelessness, we do choose how we live." Joseph Epstein
I remember these same feelings. I think its great that you really recognize them and are facing these fears. Fears are normal. They are what drive us - and it is through fear that we find our greatest successes.
I could have written your post - I had my first in a hospital with an epidural. 8 years later, I was weeks away from a homebirth, going "OMG!?!?!? WHAT have i gotten myself into!?"
YOu think of every possible negative scenario. I ran through statistic after statistic in my head knowing it was highly unlikely. I was so afraid of failure, long labor, being a "wimp", scaring my son, my husband letting me down, not knowing enough, not doing enough, did i read enough, enough enough enough.
In the end - you being there is enough. You may chuck everything youve read and find your own path or you may find that all of a sudden everything you read makes complete and total sense for the first time. No matter what though - your body and mind will pave its own way and will find a way to deal. Your mental state now will still exist, but the best way to describe it is that it will be pushed aside by a part of you that you didnt even know existed. Its like it takes over, takes control of the steering wheel & drives. And you just sit bakc and give birth!!!
I remember reading your husband is a preacher right? So I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you have strong religious beliefs. When I have doula clients that are strong believers of faith (any faith), I encourage them to turn to that. Reach in and reach out - and you will find your way. Without trying, without thinking - your body will take control, the deepest part of your soul it seems.
And when its done - youll have the greatest sense of accomplishment - YOU did it. Your body. Your wonderfully perfectly made body.
It was made to do this you know
I would also suggest finding the book "Birthing from Within" - its a very spiritual book about birthing - from within of course
It really does wonders in dealing with fears, in your own way, through your faith & beliefs, whatever they may be. Its a wonderful wonderful book. Lots of guidance through birth projects that really focus on the emotional and mental aspect of labor - that so many "methods" and books overlook, even if they acknowledge it they dont "deal" with it.
I had many of the same fears that you did! I ended up having a run of strong regular contractions for about 10 hours a few nights ago and my midwife and her assistant came and stayed the night. Having that trial run of sorts was so reassuring. The other ladies have given fantastic advice, and it's so true that it will work out. I worried about having the house clean, having enough food for everyone, would my husband know what I needed, etc and everything was just fine. Your body will know what to do. I find it amazing that before labor starts I felt so overwhelmed, but when the contractions kick in it was like my mind just went "Hey, I know what I'm supposed to be doing" and did it. I also felt so much more relaxed and comfortable in my own home and I am sure you will, too!
Alison - Mom to: Emmeline (7/14), Augustus (2) Maximus (4) Eleanor (5) Reid (6) Evelyn (8) Lucas (13) Christopher (14)