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I'm so torn...


Forum: Home Birth

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  #1  
December 1st, 2007, 08:09 AM
ragmama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I know that at four days past my due date, I should have this decision MADE by now...and I guess I do, but I keep second-guessing myself.

It's never been my intention to have my daughter present at this birth, but I keep wondering whether it would be okay or not. The current plan is to have my in-laws come and pick her up when things get moving...she loves going to their house and is comfortable (well, comfortable enough) spending the night there if it came to it. We'd call them first to bring her home, of course, so she'd be the first to meet her new sister.

But then I keep hoping that everything will just happen in the middle of the night, so she'll already be home and (hopefully) sleep through it all, and we could just wake her up when the baby comes. Of course, what are the chances?

My in-laws are just so on my nerves at the moment...calling three times a day to see if the baby is coming yet. Umm, like we wouldn't call them. I'm afraid that if it's up to them to bring her home, they'll all try to crowd upstairs to see the baby and take that time alone with us away from Rachael...not intentionally, of course, they just wouldn't think of it that way.

So those of you who have had kids present at your home births...how did they do? Rachael will be four in February, and (how to describe her?) she's pretty well in-tune with people's feelings, to be the age that she is. She "gets" things when we explain them to her, so I'm pretty sure I could explain most of what she'd see to her. But at the same time, she's really sensitive about people hurting (physically or emotionally) and I'm not sure how she'd react if she saw (or even perceived) Mommy in pain.

Having someone additional here that could take her away or keep her distracted for a long period of time isn't really an option, which also concerns me. The floor plan of our house is VERY open, and my birth tub will be smack in the middle of everything...and I can't think of anyone other than the people who will already be here (my two midwives, doula and DH) that I'd be comfortable moving around the house freely in various stages of undress, in front of. The only place in the house Rachael could really go to be away from me would be either my bedroom or hers. Granted, there are things for her to do in both...but I don't want for her and her daddy (or maybe even her and the doula) to be sequestered for so long if she doesn't cope well. Of course, I guess we could call the in-laws later on if she needed to leave...

Sorry to ramble. It's just been on my mind a lot lately. I'd love to share that moment with DD, but I don't want to scare or traumatize her or anything. Your thoughts??
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  #2  
December 1st, 2007, 09:30 AM
*Jackie*
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Why not start off with her being there and see how she does? If she is ok with it then you have your answer, but if she starts getting upset or antsy your in-laws could always take her away
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  #3  
December 1st, 2007, 10:44 AM
wifey2kevin's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i agree....i would see how she does and if she seems to be freaking out or anything, then she can go to grandmas. but i would explain everything to her. make sure to tell her that sometimes, mommmy might make funny noises, etc. kaylynn is only one, but she will be in and out as she pleases. and i will allow her to do so for the rest of my kids too! good luck!! i can't wait to see pics of your little one!!
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  #4  
December 1st, 2007, 11:01 AM
kimberlypatton@msn.com's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I wasn't sure what I'd do with my little ones either, who were 3.5 and 4.5 at the time of baby Liberty's home birth back in May. They were home and my mother came to hang out with them. I let them decide what they wanted to do. They pretty much left me alone during labor but ran upstairs to see the birth and it was just awesome to have them there. It really helped them to bond with the baby and it was great to have the whole family there. Of course, we'd talked about birth and what it may look like etc. so there was nothing to frighten them. PLUS I am a quiet birther so that helped too! All in all I think it should be up to the little one at the time...my children both said they didn't want to see it but then changed when push came to shove, ha ha!
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  #5  
December 1st, 2007, 01:31 PM
Alison79's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree, I would probably start out having her there and see how she does. Since your IL's are close by they should be able to make it there quickly. My Midwife said it's very common for Moms with other children to labor/birth in the middle of the night. My labor started at 9:30pm and Reid was born at 8:30am the next morning.
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  #6  
December 1st, 2007, 09:31 PM
ragmama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I actually sat Rachael down and talked with her about it a little today...asked if she'd rather be home when Amelia was born, or go to Papa and Grandma's and come home afterward. At first, she said that she'd rather be here to see Amelia's arrival, so I explained (very briefly) that it would hurt some and was she okay with that? She changed her tune in a hurry and said that she didn't want to see her mommy's tummy hurt, and that she'd just go to Papa's and come home when it was all over. Hmm, I hope I handled that conversation right...I tried not to scare her with the whole pain thing, but at the same time, I wouldn't want her to be here with no advance warning either. I have no idea what kind of birther I'll be at home...I was pretty quiet with her, but that was in a hospital and pretty terrified by everything that was going on!

I guess, depending on the time of day that things get rolling, we'll see how she reacts then...if she immediately wants to go somewhere else, that's fine, and if she wants to hang around and feel things out, then that's fine too.

Alison, that's neat what your midwife said about lots of moms laboring/birthing in the middle of the night! At this point, I wouldn't be choosy whenever she decides to come - but that would certainly be my ideal!
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  #7  
December 2nd, 2007, 06:33 PM
LaLa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree with the others & I think youve got a good plan. Most women just do go into labor in the middle of the night as do most animals. Its our "peace & quiet" time - nature has its funny ways

With that said - I think itll be obvious to you when you do go into labor & the situation will guide itself My 7 yr old was present, and we were prepared to have my DH's 3.5 yr old. We watched birth videos regularly with my older one, and he knew what to expect. Wed discuss it as it was on, and anything that came up. He kind of got used to labor sounds early on & I explained that it was just the way babies were born. He didnt really freak out much or anything.

When the time actually came - he ended up sleeping through most o fit though we gave him the option to stay up (labor started pretty late at night, around his bed time). He got up for the actual birth which was the loudest part, and he was concerned, but the doula & everyone was talking through it (ok, theres the head, shes ccoming down, etc) so he got a play by play & knew by everyones feelings & tones that everything was ok.

Youll find whats right for you.

Lala....
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