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...do you put more faith in logic or your "gut"?
i have a weak cervix, and in my search for a midwife, i've been given a flat "no" by two, a "let's meet and discuss it, but i don't think so" by two, no response from one, and then the pair i met with last week were more than happy to take me on. and i really loved them, too! so logically, you'd think i'd found my midwives, right? but i'm having the strongest urge to keep looking, and i don't understand why. i'm doing it, i set up two more appointments this morning, but i guess i'm...i don't know.
i guess the question isn't really 'which do i trust", because i'm a firm believer in trusting my mommy instincts. i guess the question is really "is it my mommy instincts, or am i crazy, because this makes no sense".
or maybe there isn't really a question, and i'm just a bit frustrated and need to get it off my chest?
I was 20 weeks ish when my OB that I loved left town (long story).
So I went searching for another provider. Id wanted a MW, but they were hard to come by logistically & financially in our area (so few options).
So - I decided I'll just look for a provider. I interviewed DOZENS! OB AFTER OB, and even 2 MWs - one for a hospital birth, one for a birthing center birth.
With OBs it was a matter of who would agree to what I wanted. One finally did - in every way. But there was so much more than just that. I didnt want to choose him simply b/c he was the only one that I could get lol.
So I did keep searching - I used that OB until I settled on my final decision.
I faced another hurdle - I found 2 MWs who would take me on (there was an issue of not only money but also of logistics b/c of where we lived). I was torn b/w the two but knew I wanted one of them over the OB that agreed to take me on.
So I sat on it for a couple weeks - I did lists, i did everything - in the end my gut feeling & the logistics both lined up. The MW would only do a homebirth the other would only do a birthing center - though i initially was "ok" with a homebirth I would have felt more comfortable with my frist natural birth being in a birthing center, i was willing to do a homebirth. Check.
Second was money - one took my insurance (birthing cetner) the other wouldnt/couldnt.
One was licensed (Birthing center), the other was a lay midwife.
In the end - the money was the same, after considering insurance reimbursement.
I kept the agreeable OB for shadow care in the event of an ER, since my MW was unlicensed.
I went with the homebirth & worked on my hesitations & fears.
I went with the MW that was more motherly, less medical & had a more "normal" view of birth rather than a forced medical view (due to licensing guidelines).
I say - satisfy your desire to look, dont supress it. You have options, explore them. Ask questions, go back & ask other MWs opinions, get referrals, references, etc. Talk talk talk.
In the end, weigh everything & let your gut also guide you. If something doesnt sit right, ask why...
I didnt want to choose him simply b/c he was the only one that I could get lol.[/b]
i think that's it! i don't like to not have the choice!
actually, i did just get an e-mail from one more mw, and she says as long as i had not gone into active labor before 36 weeks, she would take me. i did with my first, but not my second, so i'm hoping that'll be close enough. she mailed an info packet today and said to call her when i'd read it.
see, maybe i wasn't looking hard enough before!
I"m hoping the right set up comes along.. it sounds like the midwives you had talked to are a good backup but for now keep looking
I dont know what state you are in but some are really willing to travel a good distance
you can also think about Ina May's Birthfarm
oops i saw that you are in Salt Lake.. here is the list I found
Dalsing Cynthia Midwife Map .32 miles
Univ Medical C, Salt Lake City, UT 84101
Birthcare Healthcare Map .32 miles
Univ Hospital, Salt Lake City, UT 84101
hey, thanks lauren! i did get a couple names from that which ive not found before, so cool. i have an interview with the ladies at betterbirth next week.
cnms in utah only deliver in hospitals, and from what i hear, its hard to find one in the area that is not a medwife.
oh, how i would love to birth at the farm! i have asked dh on more than one occasion if we could move to tennessee just for ina may, but he is not going for it.
i think i pinpointed something else that bothered me...
i get really flustered when anybody asks me to describe a "typical" whatever. so when she asked what a typical day looked like nutrition-wise, i sort of stuttered and "oh, i don"t know". so she asked what i had eaten that day and i told her and she immediately said "that is NOT enough" without asking for any details, like, oh, what time did i get up that morning, but launched immediately into a detail of what i "should" have eaten by one in the afternoon...not knowing that i had only been up three hours. or that breakfast is the hardest meal for me to eat, even non-pregnant breakfast makes me queasy, but my intake goes up during the day. in her defense, i guess, when she asked about morning sickness before that, i didn"t say much, because it feels ungrateful to complain about pretty normal morning sickness after having hyperemesis last time. so perhaps she would have been nicer about it had i mentioned that i am pretty much force-feeding anything, because i feel hungover and completely disinterested in food all the time. i just felt like a naughty child...and i hate to admit to anyone that i regularly sleep til 10 or 11- my kids and i are just night owls- so i had a hard time piping up and saying "hey, i am lazy and only woke up three hours ago!" that would be my problem, not hers though.
Wish I could answer, but I didn't really have the option of logic versus gut when making my decision - midwives are SO rare around here, that I was just grateful to find one close enough that would take me. And she's still a two-hour drive away. Luckily, we clicked immediately and I just can't imagine having anyone else.
I was wildly uncomfortable with the senior midwife she was working with at first, but again, I didn't really have an option...she's still certifying, so to have her, I had to take the other with her. Not that I would wish the old senior m/w ill, but it was fortunate (for me) that some personal problems required her to step back, and now my m/w is working with a senior that's new to the area, but who I am MUCH more comfortable with. So...as luck would have it, I took what I could get and love them both.
IF I had had more choice, though...I would have driven myself crazy trying to balance logic (wanting the best) vs. gut (wanting someone I really liked.) I think my gut instinct would have had just a *tad* more influence, though...I can't imagine giving birth in the presence of anyone I'm not truly comfortable with.
mom to Rachael, 10 ~ Milly, 6 ~ foster mom (waiting on the next call)