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i havent posted here since i was preggo with my first.. back in April 06.. but here i am again.. all ripe and ready to do it again with #2! only a month left!!
i am planning another out of home homebirth this time around.. with the same midwife.. and the same birth house. ( i live an hour from the hospital. a bit out of my midwife's comfort zone)
my question is...
i am planning on bringing my daughter Lily to the birth. she is 20 months old. and very wise for her age i might add~
she is still mamas baby.. and i am still nursing her.. but i just thought the experince would be amazing for her. there is nothing really i can do to prepare her.. except we talk about it all the time. i have someone dedicated to watching her.. and taking care of her if she needs it.
i had such an AMAZING birthing experience with her.. fast easy and fun.. so i am trying to visualize an easy fun birth this time around..
just wanted to hear from other mamas any experiences or advice you might have had!
I had my toddler be at my last birth. She was 23 months at the time. I had the same thoughts as you about her being "wise for her age". It actually ended up that she BARELY made it. I delivered at 7:29 am and she arrived just minutes before (my sister was watching her since she was still in bed asleep until like 7). she did very well and just stood by the side of the birth tub watching. She really couldn't see much because of my position and the fact that it literally took 1 minute to push the baby out. But for weeks afterwards she told everyone that Mommy took a bath and got baby Nola out of the bath. Lol
Before hand I prepared her by talking about babies in general and pointing out that the babies she sees around were in their mommy's tummies and came out just like baby Nola was going to. I showed her the posters that show what the baby looks like in the womb so she'd understand a little more that there was a "real" baby in there. I also watched her birth video with her so she could see what it was like and kinda gauge her reaction before the real thing (there's lots of videos online you could use if you dont' have one).
I did the same thing as you in planning and picked someone whose only responsibility was her. I made sure it was someone she was comfortable with and someone who could "read" her and know if she was feeling uncomfortable and take her out if she wasn't doing well. For me it ended up not being necessary, but I think it's a good plan.
ETA - this was at a birth center, not our home
Kellisa, Mama to:
Courtney, Nola, Kya, Whitney, and baby girl #5 coming soon!
I'm planning my first home birth for April, Julia will be about 22 months, and Lily will be turning 4 in July. I also am hoping to have someone specifically there to take care of the girls. We've talked about the baby in mommy's belly and how it will come out. I don't know how much Julia picks up on, but I'm looking forward to having the girls here for the birth of their baby brother or sister.
Well my experience is a bit different - we had my son there, but he was 7, almost 8. He slept through most of it, came downstairs as I was pushing, was initially a little startled b/c he was still half asleep but i managed to look u plong enough to give him a smile and tell him i was fine. That with reassurance from the MW that everything was going great, and he settled in for the show He watched her head come out & the whole birth. He cut the cord as well & did amazing throughout it all
He has an incredible bond with his sister, something I of course contribute largely to his involvement in the pg and birth!
When Cameron was born Ani was 19 1/2 months old. I had him at a birthing center. Ani missed the actual birth (she was outside with my mom), but came in immediately afterward. Fritz was born at home and Ani and Cameron were both there (ages 6 1/2 and 4 3/4). They left the room at some point while I was pushing. They got bored. All three will be there this time. They'll be 8 1/2, 6 3/4, and 23 months. It's been my experience that if you treat birth as no big deal, so will the kids. Just make sure you have someone there for your kid(s) that doesn't have to be there for you (i.e. preferably not your husband) in case they get bored or freak out or just plain make it clear they don't want to be there.
~Heather, wife to Jamie (15 years; June 5, 1998) and mom to
Ani - 14 (February 15, 2000), Cameron - 12 (October 3, 2001),
Fritz - 7 (July 11, 2006), and Adrian - 5 (June 19, 2008) Smaller on the Outside
I had considered allowing mine to be at this last birth. They were 5, 4, and 2. I didn't think the 2 year old would get anything out of it, but had considered allowing the boys to be there. I was gonna play it by ear. Turned out I delivered Andrew at 3:40 Am, I wasn't going to have anyone wake them up to come see. they wouldn't have appreciated that. So, they just got to come in when they woke up in the morning and see their new brother!
I think it's fine to plan onher being there as long as you have a plan B for if see isn't interested or cannot handle it.
my 5.5 yo is totally excited to see a baby come out of mom, and she's got my toddler pretty excited too. she'll be 28mo by then. i've already got someone to take care of just them, and judging by my previous am births, they'll probably sleep through most of it and possibly wake up just in time for pushing. if they are still asleep, i will have someone wake zoe, she's already told me that's what she wants. i probably won't wake selene.
i read somewhere.. that it is sad that we have sooo far removed our kids from the process of birth.. that it is us that feel like they cannot handle it. yet reading these stories, and many others.. kids usually do great with it!!
thanks for the insight.. and i hope to hear some more~
It sounds like you have a good plan already, and I'm sure Lily will be just fine.
My older daughter woke up just a few minutes before Amelia was born - she barely made it downstairs and to the side of the tub in time. I was facing her on my hands and knees so she didn't really see much, except for Amelia floating up in the water. She heard me yelling, of course, but accepted my explanation of "having a baby hurts mommies sometimes, but I'm just fine." She's nearly four, but handled it all very well...and thinks it's very cool that her sister was born in a pool in our living room.
Looking forward to hearing all about your birth experience with #2!
mom to Rachael, 10 ~ Milly, 6 ~ foster mom (waiting on the next call)