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I hate to say this and it kinda saddens me...


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  #1  
November 24th, 2008, 02:27 PM
Regular
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Dardanelle, AR
Posts: 69
My side of the family is like we are...poorer than Job's turkeys...
Cody's side of the family definately has the money, but they don't think I am worth shooting, so I can expect nothing from them
We don't have a church home, so there goes that Idea...
Long story short...I won't get a baby shower...Just in case, I registered at Wal-mart...

I never knew that any one person could be hated of their inlaws so badly...it was like this in my first marriage, too...Didn't know I was such a bad person...It will be a mirical if we have what we need by the time the baby gets here...He may not have much, but he will have lots of love, he will be fed, even if we have to do without, and he will be clothed, even if it means that he can't have Old Navy clothing or Nike shoes...
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One time I asked my husband, I said "Cody, why must all good things come to an end?" He looked at me and replied "I would rather all good things come to an end, than to not come at all".
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  #2  
November 26th, 2008, 03:23 PM
Generally Crispy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Arizona
Posts: 4,844
I'm sorry.

When I had my son I had baby stuff galore. My son had a great extended family. When I married my hubby, we had nothing for our daughter. My dad took me shopping before I had her and he bought me a hand full of baby outfits and a stroller carseat combo. We got a box of used baby girl clothes from a friend and had we not, she would have gone without. Hubby's family showed up at the hospital to see her when she was born...and not again until she was over 8 months old. I am the wicked witch of the west he stole my husband from them...and in their opinion...I tricked him into all of this, of course it was all against his will too.

I've found that when looking for stuff you can find alot of nice things that are used on Craigslist. So far I have bought a ton of used baby stuff on CL and its all been in really great shape and very affordable. I picked up a brand new cradle swing with lights and butterflys that cost over $110 new at walmart for $25 on CL (that lady had gotten two for her baby shower and didnt need it).

Just remember to keep your chin up. I know its easier said than done.
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  #3  
November 26th, 2008, 05:21 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 298
Have you tried joining your local Freecycle? It's a Yahoo group where people give away things they no longer want or use. People are constantly giving away baby things...
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  #4  
December 9th, 2008, 03:47 PM
Regular
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Dardanelle, AR
Posts: 69
Freecycle? How do you get there?
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One time I asked my husband, I said "Cody, why must all good things come to an end?" He looked at me and replied "I would rather all good things come to an end, than to not come at all".
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  #5  
December 13th, 2008, 07:53 PM
anjelt's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,299
type Freecycle into a search engine!

What your baby has in regards to material things is nothing compared to the love they feel when you hold them, feed them, and love them. Don't worry what you have compared to what you don't have. If you need anything find a thrift store, go to garage sales. I am currently pregnant with my first and Last, and bought almost everything used at garage sales. Knowing this was my last I didn't want to spend a whole lot of money on new things that baby would only use once. I was happy to have the crib given to me from my aunt, and other things that were handed down. I of course used the money from my baby shower to buy a new stroller/car seat combo, but I think I did pretty good, and you will do fine!! Just remember, love is most important!!
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  #6  
December 19th, 2008, 06:01 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Swanton, VT
Posts: 11
I completely relate to what your saying about in-laws. My bf and me have been together 7 years and will soon have 3 kids yet they look down on us, or more specifically me, because we are not married yet. It sucks but you will cope as long as you have your baby and your man and the love you all share. That is way more important than obnoxious, unhelpful family and your baby wont care if their clothes are Chanel or thrift store as long as it is safe and happy. hugs Sophie
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  #7  
January 12th, 2009, 11:12 PM
BabyAyla's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Idaho
Posts: 838
My hubby and i are young and both work run of the mill jobs, I have been layed off basically, working one day a week since the begining of December, and we lived paycheck to paycheck then, things are even tighter now. I have had my share of panicing, wondering how in the world were gonna make ends meet with the baby, but really in the end its not worth the stress things have a way of working out, you somehow always manage to make due. I think back on my childhood and I remember thinking we lived like kings but now i know we were broke, mom just always had a way of making the best of it I guess. Some of the things she made us think were gourmet foods (Ketchup sandwhich) make me giggle when i crave them now as comfort food. I loved my childhood, and we never had fancy stuff, and sometimes I think it made my brother and i better in a way, we learned to be creative and appreciate things more when we did have them. I have a 4 year old step son whos mother horribly spoils that boy he has pretty much every game system out there, and asked santa for a lap top this year, so he can go online and download games.... ummm hes 4.... that poor kid cant entertain himself in a room full of regular toys, I cant even get him to enjoy playing in the pool outside or waterbaloon fights or anything.... I have vowed to my hubby that our baby girl will not be that way, Spoiled with love and attention, YES.... with endless material thing, no!

Im due in March and the only thing we have is a crib, that was a gift. Haha we dont even have a car that we can both bring her home in... We have a lil ford ranger ... unless I crawl in the back and ride on the lil fold out seat.... but like i said, it will all work out in the end.
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  #8  
January 15th, 2009, 07:46 PM
soaplady's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You may still get a shower!!!! Following ettiquette ,it is friends, not family, who throw the shower. You supply the guest list. So one (or more if they go in together) of your friends can host it! Family still can, I mean it doesn't HAVE to follow tradition or anything. Plus, sometimes people throw their own welcome party for the baby. It's a shame his side is taking out their differences with you on this little baby. I agree with the other posts about things like freecycle and craigslist. There is a swap shop here on JM, too. You can check all sorts of things locally from consignment shops to yard sales. People are always trying to get rid of old baby items. If you have a free buy/sell/trade type paper you can put an ad in the wanted section asking for any old items people want to get rid of. I see this alot in our local used item paper, and it's perfect for people who have no one to give it to. Good luck, hon!
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  #9  
January 17th, 2009, 11:10 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Dardanelle, AR
Posts: 69
Yeah, but there are somethings that I do not want to take the chance of getting used. Like a good carseat. Or what about a diaper genie? Or maybe something so simple as just diapers and maybe some baby bottles. I guess that is too much to ask of anyone. I am just praying for a miracle to happen before he is born and hope that he doesn't come early. As the time grows closer, I am becoming more and more anxious about being a mother. I mean, what if I am too big of a whimp to take the pain of labor? What if I am not a good mother? What if I don't do something just right? I am so scared. I don't know what to do. And then knowing that at the end of March, I am due to give birth to a beautiful baby boy that I have nothing besides a couple of sleepers and a few onsies for? We just today got the floor replaced in the baby's room. We don't have anything except for plywood to walk on, and I don't even have a rocking chair to rock him in. I don't know. Maybe God will help us. By the way, every friend that we have around here is moving off or Cody went to school with them. What does a 24 year old male know about a baby shower?
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One time I asked my husband, I said "Cody, why must all good things come to an end?" He looked at me and replied "I would rather all good things come to an end, than to not come at all".
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  #10  
January 22nd, 2009, 03:14 AM
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*Delurking to add some of my input*

Take a deep breath. *hugs* I'm sorry you have to go through this, especially with your inlaws. That's terrible. Despite how they may or may not feel about you, it seems like they would want you have what you needed for your baby. Your son is going to be part of their family, and you being his mother doesn't change that.

You've already gotten ton of good advice from the ladies here. I can understand not wanting to a buy baby bed and a car seat used. Those are two things you should be very cautious about.

Trust me, you don't need a diaper genie or wipe warmers or anything like that. Babies can do without that stuff. It's not like he's going to look at you like: "Mom, I need Ralph Lauren jeans." Focus on the basics--diapers, wipes, clothing. You might want to invest in just a bassinet right now until you can save up for a bed. We had a bed for my son, but for a good while, he slept next to our bed in a bassinet. It was convenient for feeding him and I could roll it wherever I needed to go, and you don't have to spend hundreds or even $100 to get a good one. I've seen basic bassinets on Walmart.com for $25. I've seen pretty decent priced carseats at Walmart, too. Nothing fancy, just functional.

You won't even need a lot of clothing right now. My son lived in onesies for a while. A lot of the clothes I got for him I ended up giving away because he outgrew them without an opportunity to wear them. Don't be afraid to shop at your local Goodwill, Salvation Army, or any thrift store. You'd be amazed at some of the things you can find there for next to nothing and lightly used, if used at all. Heck, I'd send you my son's old clothing, if my SIL hadn't had a son, since I'm having a girl this go 'round.

Check into maternity programs in your area. I know here we have places like Grace Place and the Gift of Life, which allows you to earn mommy points and use them at their "store," where they have brand new everything from clothes to diapers to baby beds. Depending on your insurance and the hospitals in your are, you may be able to get a free carseat from them. I know on the Medicaid program here hospitals will provide a free carseat, milk, and diapers without charge to you.

Have you tried to apply for WIC (Women, Infants, and Children)? If you qualify, they'll give you vouchers to pay for your baby's milk for each month, and as your baby gets older they'll start adding things like cereal, regular milk, cheese, eggs, juice, etc. You can continue to use WIC until they're around 5 or so, I think. Once again, no charge to you, and you can get on it before your baby is born. I know some people don't like to take government assistance, but hard times call for it sometime.

Sign up at websites like pampers.com, huggies.com, etc. They send lots of coupons out and free samples of products. I know when I signed up at the Enfamil website, they had a baby bad chocked full of all kinds of stuff waiting for me when I delivered at the hospital. Here's a good site to start with: http://www.coolfreebielinks.com/Baby_Freebies/. I get all kinds of junk in mail like diapers, milk samples, etc.

You might want to post your dilemma on the Frugral mommies board, too, to get ideas about how you can cut corners and save in different areas of your life. You might even want to check out the cloth diapering board as well to save on diaper costs, if that's something you're open minded to.

Just keep looking into things. Don't speak defeat. Good luck to you.
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