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I don't want a shower!


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  #1  
January 20th, 2009, 01:25 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Midwest
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Hello, I'm new here. I'm 7 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I was really excited and ended up telling my mom right away. And of course, she told the whole family, lol. The problem is, my aunt and cousin have decided to throw a "suprise" baby shower in a few months. No one in my family can keep a secret (obviously) and I just found out about it. I tried to tell my mom that I would be uncomfortable with one, and that DH and I are very picky about where we shop and how we're going to parent so it's not worth everyone's trouble. But she basically said "Too bad. It's happening."

I just don't like the idea of family I rarely see spending money on us for things we'll probably toss or donate. We're hippy, green, eco-friendly, folk that boycott certain products, stores and bands, lol.
And all that attention, people giving advice, asking personal questions, trying to touch my stomache, ect. I have panic attacks, and now that I'm preggers I can't take my medication for them - and I really think all the anxiety would trigger one. I don't want to be the center of attention, I don't want to get poked at and I just don't think I can handle all of it.

How do I politely make sure the shower gets canceled? I don't want to just avoid my family for the next 7 months!
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  #2  
January 21st, 2009, 02:58 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New York
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Is there any kind of shower that you would be confortable with. I understand the touching things..... it freaks me out too but I have made it clear who is allowed to touch me and who isn't..... and people have been very respectful of the boundaries for the most part.

A registry might help with making sure you were ok with what you recieved...... or I've thrown book shower where everyone brings a book and builds a library for the baby....what about a no gifts shower just a celebration.... I don't know how to get it cancelled but taking to your family about situation that might be more comfortable for you might help.
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  #3  
February 8th, 2009, 06:34 PM
JulieMc's Avatar Loving my babies. :)
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 9,004
Don't fight it, you'll end up hurting their feelings. Instead, make a registry and pick out things you like. That way you can give people an idea of what you might actually use. If you're worried about touching, well avoiding a baby shower won't help you avoid it - strangers on the street will even try to touch lol.

Be happy that they're happy for you! They want to share in your joy, and throwing you a shower is probably their way of doing it.
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  #4  
February 8th, 2009, 08:34 PM
MommaOnCloud9's Avatar Mommy of 3!
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Posts: 7,601
I think a baby book shower is a brilliant idea! A registry is a good idea too. But when we were given three showers for DD1 (my office, his office, and then friends & family), it was our experience that about 1/3 of people do not even buy from the registry.

And, you could have a couple's shower so Dh would be there for emotional support (and to share the spotlight).

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  #5  
February 10th, 2009, 07:51 AM
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I would just roll with the shower. Although the shower is about the upcoming baby and the mom, it is a way for family members to celebrate the event as well. Since your "green" conscious, why not place a hint that you would love (and stress, LOVE) to have a green shower. Lots of people are having them and there are many tips out there for having a green shower. Also, have a registry. I know that this is considered to be ill manners but if you are truly that picky about what you are getting, having a registry will make everyone feel much better when they pick out your gifts.

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  #6  
February 10th, 2009, 05:46 PM
Momma2Chase's Avatar August 2013 DDC Co-Host
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 5,682
Maybe you could tell them that if they insist on you having a shower, YOU insist on being able to be the one mainly in charge of planning? They need to respect your feelings and at the very least compromise!
You could do things like recycled paper invites (with those cool envelopes that you can plant and they grow into flowers!), ask maybe in the invites that rather than buying presents maybe everyone can donate to a charity or fund of your choice?

Rather than registering, you could make a Wist list (www.wists.com) -- you can add anything froM ANY site, so you could make sure it was brands you like, things you know you'll use, etc.
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  #7  
February 11th, 2009, 11:09 AM
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I'm alot like you too! I am very much into organic, eco-friendly, etc. and I also boycot certain products and also some brands. There's 2 ways you can take this, either go with it, but let the person know you've heard, explain your concerns and write a list of actual names and brands and where it can be purchased which they can include with the invitations. Most people will be understanding, and it is a baby shower for you and your baby and not for them. OR you can let them know you know, explain your concerns, thank them for their thoughtfulness, and then tell them you'd prefer not to have a baby shower and that you hope they will respect your feelings.
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  #8  
March 27th, 2009, 04:26 AM
Mountain~Mama's Avatar ThePastHasNoPowerOverMe
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Maine
Posts: 24,476
i love the green shower idea! maybe you could asked that your guests help build your cloth diaper stash?
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