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  #1  
December 11th, 2008, 10:21 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 2
I'm a regular JM member, but I've never posted in this section before. I did create a new name for the purpose of posting this to protect my privacy...

I'm so upset right now that I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going to be physically sick. Here's what happened:

With his permission, I logged into my husband's e-mail account to get a picture that someone had e-mailed to him. I happened to notice a new e-mail from a site that sounded a little odd to me, so I clicked on it to see what it was. It was a personals forum for alternative sexual lifestyles. The e-mail contained registration information i.e., my husband's user name and password. My heart was beating so fast that I just had to see what was going on, so I went to the site and logged in. My husband has created an account that says he is looking for "TS/TV/TG for erotic email exchange or active participation." I didn't know what those abbreviations were, so I looked them up to find that they mean Transsexual, Transvestite and Transgendered. He also filled out his profile to say that he is "bi-curious."

I know that he has participated in some homosexual type activities in the past because when we first started dating he told me so. A couple of times he said something about being bi-sexual very briefly, but when I would bring it up to him later he would say that he was joking. A few times in the past he asked me if I wanted to get another man involved in our sex life and said things about wanting to have a sexual relationship with another man. When I brought it up later, he told me that he said those things because he thought that it was what I wanted. I knew that he was lying, but I just stopped bringing it up. He hasn't said anything about it in a while.

I want more than anything to be able to pick up the phone and call him and talk to him about this right now, but that's not possible. He is in the military and is deployed to Iraq where he has been for over a year now. I never know when the next time I will be able to talk to him again will be. I want to send him an e-mail right now and ask him about all this, but that would give him time to think it over and come up with some kind of excuse, so I need to wait to either talk to him on the phone or over IM.

The way I see this is trying to cheat on me. With a man or a woman or whatever makes no difference to me. He is still looking for some sort of sexual activity with another person and he is sneaking to do it. I kind of want to sit back for a few days and monitor this account to see what he will do, but I don't know if I can make it that long. I'm already feeling sick and I can't sleep. I don't think that I will be able to function...

I just don't know what to do and I just want to cry and throw up....
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  #2  
December 12th, 2008, 12:25 AM
Fist Pumping Champ
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: NYC
Posts: 9,803
Oh hun. I'm sorry. I don't even know what to say

The only thing I can say is wait until you can confront him face to face via webcam or at least on the phone. Facial expressions say a lot more than words do.
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  #3  
December 12th, 2008, 06:24 AM
tfitz07's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Central PA
Posts: 2,681
I'm so very sorry for the situation that you're in! I'm not quite sure what to say either. It must be so stressful and mind-boggling.

I agree with Dina, definitely talk to him in a way that you can see his facial expressions. If he's already tried to lie to you about this before, he'll probably try again, so seeing his eyes while he's talking is extremely important.

My thoughts and prayers are with you during this tough time!!
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  #4  
December 12th, 2008, 08:06 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 2
Thanks ladies. I woke up today surprisingly a lot more calm than I was last night. I can't believe I actually slept and didn't dream about any of this. When I woke up, I actually sort of didn't even care, but now it's starting to sink in again and the nausea is coming back...

If I have to wait to see his eyes while I'm talking to him, I won't be able to do that until January. I can't wait that long. I can tell when he's lying without seeing his face or even hearing his voice, anyway. I'm scared to bring it up on the phone just because I don't think that I will be able to say what I want to say, and when he's on the phone he doesn't have any privacy and really won't be able to talk about it anyway. I'm just hurt ore than anything. He always says that he couldn't even think of hurting me because I am the best thing that's ever happened to him, but it looks like he's already thinking about it and wanting to do more than think... I feel like my heart is breaking and I just don't know what to do. It's so frustrating that I can't just talk to him when I need to...
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  #5  
December 12th, 2008, 11:57 AM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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  #6  
December 12th, 2008, 12:16 PM
LadyGamer's Avatar Objection!!!
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  #7  
December 13th, 2008, 11:20 AM
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Sorry to hear what you are going through. I know DH and I went through something like this, he actually had a yahoo personal. We talked about and worked through it. I know it is different but it was still very hard to deal with. I was heartbroken as I can tell you are too. The best thing is to make sure you are calm and talk and listen to him.
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  #8  
December 13th, 2008, 11:41 AM
MomOfThree173's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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  #9  
December 13th, 2008, 11:42 AM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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How are you doing today sweetie?
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