[sfarrow3]

That has tested or has been an obstacle in your marriage...

[*Kiliki*]

trust...was a huge one...which we are still working on actually....but things are MUCH better than they were

[Lucia_mommy]

I had a lot of trouble really giving myself to him emotionally. I haven't had a very happy childhood and it was hard for me to truly trust him not to hurt me or let me down especially when we went through such a hard time when I got pregnant unexpectedly

[Keakie]

We met casually online - not on a dating website. We had no intentions of finding someone we wanted to be with. I'm also from Canada, and so I had to undergo an immigration process to be able to move permanently.

We both had come out of long, painful, unhealthy relationships when we met. We had not healed yet (and some of the healing is still in process). We had to be apart for long bouts of time - we would visit when we could but it wasn't uncommon to go weeks, months without a visit. We talked on the phone daily and texted/IMed throughout the day. When I would visit him, I would usually stay for 4+ weeks - during the summer of 2010, I stayed for about 12. When he visited me, he would stay for about a week (work didn't allow for longer visits).

We *hated* being apart. We are both big on body language and tone of voice. We both appreciate smiles and hugs and laughs. It was really hard not to have some/all of those at times. Being apart, though, sort of forced us to talk and forced us to heal and forced us to be patient. We had no choice but to work through our issues -- it was that or break up/ I hated every second we had tp wait and every second with out him. The goodbyes were very painful.

But... without that forced wait, and without needing to take time to do nothing but talk and learn about each other and learn about what we both wanted out of life, I'm not sure our relationship would be as amazing as it is now. We are not perfect, and like I said, some of the healing is still in process -- but we are strong and committed and I am still very much in love with my dh, and I attribute a lot of our growth together to our time apart.

[Augie]

Finances. My finances were horrible when we got together and then we made the stupid decision to buy a house early on. We *really* should have waited.

[Lady Lotus]

His illness because the meds and emotional turmoil it brought changed his personality completely.

[Dakotas_mom]

Deployments!!! Having a long distant relationship every 6-12 months puts alot of stress on our relationship.

[sfarrow3]

Originally Posted by Lady Lotus

His illness because the meds and emotional turmoil it brought changed his personality completely.

What type of illness does he have. I'm so sorry you all have to go through something like that. You seem like a very strong wife and mother!

I think for us it has be finances. We are great now, but when we first got married we were irresponsible and did not manage our money well at all. Finances put a huge strain on our marriage.

[Lady Lotus]

Originally Posted by sfarrow3

What type of illness does he have. I'm so sorry you all have to go through something like that. You seem like a very strong wife and mother!

I think for us it has be finances. We are great now, but when we first got married we were irresponsible and did not manage our money well at all. Finances put a huge strain on our marriage.

My husband has terminal liver/lung cancer.

[Lucia_mommy]

@Lady Lotus I'm sooo sorry that must be the most terrible thing that can happen I'm sending all my love and strength to you and your beautiful family!!

[CBTECH]

Lady Lotus, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sending thoughts & prayers to help you guys thru what must be a trying time.

For us it was when my sister & her husband passed away. They left 7 children behind and I took it upon myself to make sure they were cared for and given the best of everything during that time. My DH was super supportive but it meant us living apart for awhile until we could figure out what to do. They were all living in Canada, and us in California. So we packed up our family and moved to Canada. My siblings helped out by taking turns every couple of weeks and came up to care for them so I could go back and spend the time with my family.

I was an emotional roller coaster, time apart, going thru their stuff & figuring out how to care for 11 kids & keep my marriage together was trying. But we did it & are so happy to have done so.

[sfarrow3]

Originally Posted by Lady Lotus

My husband has terminal liver/lung cancer.

my thoughts are with you and your family.

[sfarrow3]

Originally Posted by CBTECH

Lady Lotus, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sending thoughts & prayers to help you guys thru what must be a trying time.

For us it was when my sister & her husband passed away. They left 7 children behind and I took it upon myself to make sure they were cared for and given the best of everything during that time. My DH was super supportive but it meant us living apart for awhile until we could figure out what to do. They were all living in Canada, and us in California. So we packed up our family and moved to Canada. My siblings helped out by taking turns every couple of weeks and came up to care for them so I could go back and spend the time with my family.

I was an emotional roller coaster, time apart, going thru their stuff & figuring out how to care for 11 kids & keep my marriage together was trying. But we did it & are so happy to have done so.

OMG you are truly an inspiration. How do you all do it! We have dealt with a similar situation. on of my DH cousins (33) died of a massive heartattack a couple of years ago and left 3 children. They are currently leaving with DH grandmother (76). She really can't take care of them, but insists on keeping them...anyway it has been a very hard time being that support for 3 children who have lost everything..ya know..I can't imagine trying to be that support to 7 then on top of the your own. I think it takes a really strong healthy marriage to be able to deal.

[MellieB]

Zac. More tested than been on obstacle. During moment of anger we took it out on each other.

[CBTECH]

Originally Posted by sfarrow3

OMG you are truly an inspiration. How do you all do it! We have dealt with a similar situation. on of my DH cousins (33) died of a massive heartattack a couple of years ago and left 3 children. They are currently leaving with DH grandmother (76). She really can't take care of them, but insists on keeping them...anyway it has been a very hard time being that support for 3 children who have lost everything..ya know..I can't imagine trying to be that support to 7 then on top of the your own. I think it takes a really strong healthy marriage to be able to deal.

Thank you, but it’s something I’m sure anyone would do in those circumstances.

It was a challenge to take them all in, when we had a growing family of our own, but we knew it had to be done. My BIL’s family could have taken them in but then the kids would have been split up between a couple of their aunts & uncles, because no one in that family was prepared to do something so huge and no one wanted the kids to be split up. My parents had passed away a few years prior to my sister & BIL, so that wasn’t an option, and I’m the oldest of all my siblings, so I kind of took it upon myself to make sure the kids were taken care of as best as they could be. My DH never questioned my choice as he knew how close my sis & I were, and how strongly I felt about it.

It was trying on our marriage & the relationship as a family because I wasn’t around too much after everything happened, but we made it work. My wonderful MIL & FIL helped my DH out with the kids back home while I was away for a couple weeks at a time. Thankfully, my siblings & my BIL’s family helped out as best as they could too with giving me a break so I could go spend time with my family.

The other hard part was uprooting my family to move to Canada. It would have been a nightmare trying to get all of the kids proper documentation in order to move them to Cali, even tho 6 of the 7 are dual residents. So DH & I made the decision and packed up the kids & house and here we we are today. We stayed in their house until we found something a little more fitting for our family, but actually ended up moving to another area.

We don’t have enough room in this house for everyone to have their own rooms but we try. There are 3 teens who have their own spaces but unfortunately Kristi & Leah have to share a room (16 & 14). Hopefully that won’t be for much longer.

Anyhow, when you’re faced with something like this you just do what’s in the kids best interest & do it. No questions. At least for us. We are also very lucky that the kids are all somewhat the same ages and get along as well as they do.