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Does your relationship have ups and downs


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  #1  
September 25th, 2012, 12:56 PM
sfarrow3's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Does your relationship have super happy days, bad days, extra loving days, days where you need space, days where he isn't as loving etc? Is it normal to have ups and downs or should you have constant bliss?

How do you restore bliss when things are dull?
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  #2  
September 26th, 2012, 11:31 AM
Blue-Jay's Avatar Jenny
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I wish constant bliss were the norm, lol. But I know that ups and downs are normal. we are going through a down right now, because he's working two jobs and going to school and I am working full-time, tutoring every day after school, and doing ALL the housework and childcare by myself. It's hard, and we don't have time for each other and I feel frustrated and lonely. He doesn't have the time to give me what I need, and he feels sorry but can't rearrange his priorities. So we are trying to be understanding of each other and to be loving anyway, but some days I'm tired and frustrated and not very nice.

We get along great during vacations, so I know we still love each other, lol, and it's just the stress of everyday life that is getting to us now.

DH loves to make trouble sometimes just to "keep things interesting." It doesn't really do anything for me, but I guess it keeps him interested, lol. When things are dull, I like to do something special that he wasn't expecting, like sneak a love note into his lunch or buy a nice card and leave it in the car or make him some hot tea and leave it on the counter for him on my way out the door, etc. etc. etc. I figure what goes around comes around, and being extra loving usually gets me some extra affection when I need it.
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  #3  
September 26th, 2012, 01:09 PM
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Ups and downs are a way of life married or not...but they're most definitely a part of any healthy marriage I think.

We're in a down slump too lately. The only thing I know about successful marriages is that you choose to be married every day if you're going to make it work for the long haul. Seems a hard choice to make lately, but we're still both doing it, thank goodness.

I heard something else today that kind of inspired me. "Expectations diminish joy." I'm going to have to try and live by that a bit more. I know they always trip me up...and that's a large part of the challenges we have when we're in a down slump with our marriage. Both of us get plagued by unrealistic expectations.
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  #4  
September 26th, 2012, 04:36 PM
Blue-Jay's Avatar Jenny
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^ My sister is a psychologist and she told me the same thing - usually when you're mad or unhappy, it's about having expectations that aren't getting met. I am trying REALLY hard to lower them, or just to be grateful for what I get and not have any expectations at all. It's hard to do, but when I can do it, it works!
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  #5  
September 26th, 2012, 06:45 PM
Jessimaaka's Avatar Pink in a house of Blue
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Love that quote! That is so true!

We have ups and downs. We are definitely in a down right now as we adjust to life with an infant.

To try to restore us, I try and do little things like leave a note, watch a car show with him, or buy him a chocolate bar.
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  #6  
September 27th, 2012, 12:25 AM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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ups and downs are normal in all of the marriages that I know of. The downs can come with adding kids, financial strain, life events like new houses and deaths etc... All of these things add good and bad stress and really tug at marriage connections-totally normal. We're both committed to staying married and choose to spend more time together, take a vacation without kids, sneak out for lunches, and talk more--all of the things you don't want to do when your spouse is driving you crazy, but those are the things that bring us back together and make us a stronger team. Marriage takes work every day
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  #7  
September 27th, 2012, 05:45 AM
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I agree...ups and downs are part of being married. You just have to work a little harder when things aren't going good.
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  #8  
September 27th, 2012, 02:36 PM
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Does your relationship have super happy days, bad days, extra loving days, days where you need space, days where he isn't as loving etc? I wouldn't say we have super happy days...some days are better than others. Bad days yes we have them and we have had some real bad ones over the years. We are not a real loving couple so there is not loving days. Yes plenty of days when we need space this weekend he is going to his hunting camp I cannot wait...I know terrible but sometimes having to worry about cooking for him gets to be a pain in the butt.

Is it normal to have ups and downs or should you have constant bliss? I think it is completely normal to be up and down. If you would put you and your best friend in a house together for 3 year or so you would ended having up and downs.

How do you restore bliss when things are dull? Not sure maybe do a date night or after the kids go to bed have a glass of wine on the patio and catch up on the weeks events.
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  #9  
September 27th, 2012, 03:54 PM
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For sure!! We have ups and downs. Usually our ups and downs only last a day and I'm admit it isn usually me that cause them by being in a bad mood and not being very personable. My husband is a very laid back guy that doesn't get agrivated easily, but sometime him being so laid back isn't a good thing when things need to get down and I have no help. that is when I get moody. We are currently in our first real disagreement in the 8 years we have been together..

I want another baby and he doesn't..neither is budging and it is really starting to cause problems. Its all I can think about and he wants to act like nothing is wrong..we will see how this plays out...
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  #10  
September 27th, 2012, 04:45 PM
somo_chickenlady's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Absolutely! There are days where I want to spend every second with DS, and there are other days when he is driving me up the wall and I want to be alone. We manage by allowing each other space if we need it, and we just wait b/c the next day/week things will change. It is just a normal part of our relationship. We aren't the type to scream at each other or anything like that, though, so I think that helps.
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  #11  
September 28th, 2012, 05:37 AM
Amaranth Dhanya's Avatar aka Hillarie
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I dont really believe bliss all the time is possible.
Life isnt always blissful so how could marriage be? We are humans and come flawed so things are not gonna be up all the time.

Yes, we have flaws in our marriage. Right now we have serious downs going on but the way we deal is by seeing the ups wherever they may be and talking things out. We try never to let things eat us up so much that we become resentful of the other person.
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  #12  
October 2nd, 2012, 08:17 AM
sfarrow3's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MarieJ View Post
ups and downs are normal in all of the marriages that I know of. The downs can come with adding kids, financial strain, life events like new houses and deaths etc... All of these things add good and bad stress and really tug at marriage connections-totally normal. We're both committed to staying married and choose to spend more time together, take a vacation without kids, sneak out for lunches, and talk more--all of the things you don't want to do when your spouse is driving you crazy, but those are the things that bring us back together and make us a stronger team. Marriage takes work every day
I agree! Yep we have ups and downs and it's perfectly normal! Date nights help or talking after kiddos are in bed. Thanks ladies for all your responses. I love to see everyone's take.
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  #13  
October 2nd, 2012, 10:26 PM
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Oh, yes, absolutely! There are ups and downs for sure! I wish it was always perfect and blissful, but at the same time, honestly, it would be a little creepy since people aren't always perfectly happy and in an awesome mood so for everything to always be perfect wouldn't be normal either. We're all human, we all have bad moods, difficult emotions for others to deal with, behaviors that are hard sometimes for others to deal with, but learning to communicate, forgive, sometimes depending on what it is just laugh about it (like DH and I are both grouchy today and keep getting snippy and finally I said "I forgive you for being a grouchy bum if you forgive me for being a grouchy bum, ok?" and laughed while saying it, he laughed and said deal and we've had a better night despite being grouches) and let it go, vent somewhere (I have a journal I hide so I don't say something I don't truly mean), give some space, or doing a little something to show you care and remember the little things that they enjoy all help. But ups and downs are normal and constant perfection in a marriage isn't something I think is a realistic expectation.

Last edited by sophieliz; October 2nd, 2012 at 10:27 PM. Reason: eep, said a word
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  #14  
October 7th, 2012, 07:22 PM
i:heart:you's Avatar Super Moderator
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We definitely have our ups and downs! We we go into a slump,we usually need to have a talk and work on the problem.
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