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  • 6 Post By Amaranth Dhanya
  • 1 Post By Keakie

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  #1  
October 21st, 2012, 10:30 AM
Jessimaaka's Avatar Pink in a house of Blue
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 16,280
...swinging?

Its not for us. But friends of ours, the wife wants the husband to consider it. He has absolutely no interest. Their relationship is not the best to begin with and they've been married just over a year. He thinks this might be the final nail in the coffin.

I'm just curious about others' opinion on it. Is this something that a difference of opinion on could break up your marriage?
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  #2  
October 21st, 2012, 11:54 AM
Amaranth Dhanya's Avatar aka Hillarie
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To me it says you werent really commited and need an excuse to fool around on your spouse. To me, its not about spicing up your love life at all but getting something for nothing(so to speak). Having your cake and eating it too...whatever saying you wanna use.

Im against it as is my DH.

ETA~Yes it would be a dealbreaker for my marriage if my DH suddenly decided he wanted to do it or was "into it".
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  #3  
October 21st, 2012, 12:50 PM
Jessimaaka's Avatar Pink in a house of Blue
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I couldn't have said it better myself. This is my view exactly and I can't comprehend why people would want to do this. That said, I would love for someone who supports it to state why. Not to start a debate or anything but I can't ask the wife since the husband told us in confidence.
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Last edited by Jessimaaka; October 21st, 2012 at 01:00 PM.
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  #4  
October 21st, 2012, 05:18 PM
MellieB's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree. It would be a deal breaker for us.
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  #5  
October 22nd, 2012, 05:19 AM
Blue-Jay's Avatar Jenny
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I saw it on Dr. Phil once. They said it did spice up their sex life, but Dr. Phil and I agree with Lady Lotus; it's just a way of cheating on your spouse without having to hide it. I would sign up for counseling immediately if my DH ever proposed it; I would certainly not be swayed to try! They had a lot of arguments about why it was a good thing, but it mainly seemed like the wife wanted it and the husband went along to keep her. She loved feeling like a princess, and I think it made her feel that people were vying for her attention, which she loved. I think your friend is right to not want to try it; it probably would be the last nail in the coffin. They should find a marriage counselor instead.
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  #6  
October 22nd, 2012, 10:49 AM
sfarrow3's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Lotus View Post
To me it says you werent really commited and need an excuse to fool around on your spouse. To me, its not about spicing up your love life at all but getting something for nothing(so to speak). Having your cake and eating it too...whatever saying you wanna use.

Im against it as is my DH.

ETA~Yes it would be a dealbreaker for my marriage if my DH suddenly decided he wanted to do it or was "into it".
Ditto!!!!
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  #7  
October 22nd, 2012, 11:25 AM
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OK...so let me preface this by saying we're not swinging in any direction over here... tee hee.

BUT, if we had always been that way, I wouldn't see an issue with it. It would be a deal breaker for us now because it's never been a part of our relationship, and we don't want it there to begin with BUT, for those whom it works, whatever.

My philosophy on all things of a sexual preference is "whatever floats your boat". I shouldn't have to worry about it, if it's not with me or one of mine.

I don't quite understand things like polygamy or polyamory (committed monogomous multiples) or swinging, but I'm not one to judge. I have more to say about the religious idiocy and illegality of the multiple unions and marrying off children that is part of polygamy than the act itself, of having several partners
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  #8  
October 26th, 2012, 09:03 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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dh and I have discussed the topic only because we have mutual friends who are considering this, but we both feel that swinging would not contribute anything positive to our marriage. Sometimes when we're scrapping dtd is all we've got to bring us back to neutral. Why would I ever want to share that intimacy with some stranger or worse a neighbor?
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  #9  
October 30th, 2012, 08:46 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Nope. It would be a deal breaker for both of us.

If others choose to engage in that sort of thing, that's their decision and I'm not offended by it. It's not for us, though, and it's not the way we believe marriage and commitment is intended to work.
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  #10  
November 1st, 2012, 07:22 PM
MidgeMadge's Avatar Queen Turd. Bow down.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Lotus View Post
To me it says you werent really commited and need an excuse to fool around on your spouse. To me, its not about spicing up your love life at all but getting something for nothing(so to speak). Having your cake and eating it too...whatever saying you wanna use.

.
I don't really agree.
Different strokes for different folks. Just because you (in general) don't agree with it, doesn't mean the couple is doing it for the wrong reasons... not at all.

While I'm not into swinging (because that's more sexually based), my husband and I have dabbled into polyamory (not swinging per se) and we are QUITE committed, happy and in love. It runs deeper than just "fooling around because we want it all"... because if you truly knew someone who lead a relationship and marriage in that way, you would realize most don't actually do it for that reason.

I think this is one of those "unless you're not IN that situation and have those beliefs" things, you wouldn't really understand or get it, IMO.
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