[~Caroline~]

Every month I tell myself I should start a TTC journal but I always think I wouldn't know what to write so I don't. But as my journey is getting longer and longer, I think I really need a place to vent and this will be it.

I'll start with a little info about myself. I'm Caroline. I'm 31. I'm in a long term relationship with Chris, who will turn 30 in September. We're not married and don't plan to, though we do want to stay together forever.

I stopped taking the pill at the end of September 2008. The first month, I had a surprise BFP (surprise because I didn't expect it so soon), but I suffered from an early loss. I thought that at least, I knew I could get pregnant. Ha! I never saw another BFP. I'm now entering cycle #9 and I'm feeling pretty numb about the whole TTC thing.

Ok I think that's enough for the first post. Feel free to ask questions if you want!

[Skimboardin Mama]

Hi Caroline! You and your such a cute couple. I like your siggie too.

I'm glad that you've started a journal because I haven't had the pleasure of getting to know you yet. My name is Nancy (24) and DH and also got a shortly after starting to TTC in Oct 2009. we lost the baby early on and it was tough to bounce back after that.

I hope that having this journal will be somewhat theraputic while you are on this journey.

Now you said it's okay to ask questions so here goes:
Where you from?
Do you have any fur babies?
What do you like to do for fun?
Do you work?


Okay that's it for now!!!!! (PS DH and I are LOST fans too!)

[KDD]

Hi Caroline. I'm glad you started a journal, it will be a lot easier to keep track of my Canadian "sisters" this way. I've decided that we need a Canadian BFP storm soon!

[~Caroline~]

Hi Nancy, thanks for replying. Here are my answers to your questions:

Where you from? I'm from Montreal, Quebec, Canada. I'm French-Canadian so English is my second language.

Do you have any fur babies? No fur babies! I'm allergic to pretty much everything It saddens me because I love cats, but I litterally can't breathe when I'm around them.

What do you like to do for fun? I love to work out and I'm an obsessed knitter. I even have a knitting blog (shepurls.blogspot.com)

Do you work? Yes! I'm a journalist/news editor for a press agency.

****

Kim, thanks for your reply! I agree that we need a Canadian BFP storm and I want us both to be part of it! Good luck for this cycle!

****

On the TTC front, well there's nothing interesting so far. I'm still waiting for AF to go away. Waiting to O is the most boring part of the cycle.

[chrissy323]

Hey Caroline!! I would love to see a Canadian BFP storm~ you girls deserve it! Good luck sweetie

[Dóchas]

Hi Caroline. Glad you started a journal. We all seemed to started one this week. I love Canada I travelled to America and Canada a few years ago. I was staying in a sheep farm outside Montreal with a friend for 3 weeks and I loved it. Looking forward to getting to know you better.

[MarinaAndCharlie'sMommy]

Hey Caroline! Looking forward to getting to know you better! As for the Canadian BFP storm, I hope now that Marci got the ball rolling and we see a ton from you girls! Sorry about your loss. I hope you don't have to wait too much longer for your BFP!

[~Caroline~]

Today is CD 4 and it feels like I won't have another chance to get pregnant in forever. Waiting to O sucks big time.

There are days when I feel fine and I don't think about TTC much, but other days, like today, it seems like it's all I can think about. I wish I could just know when/if I'll ever get pregnant. I hate getting my hopes up every month and feeling crushed when it doesn't happen.

I think I start feeling like this every time there's a bfp wave like the one we've had in here. I can honestly say that I'm genuinly happy for all the women who got their bfp this week. They all deserve it and they will be wonderful mommies. But I can't help but feel a little jealous and I go through this "why not me?" stage and get depressed for a couple of days. I know I will have the baby that I am meant to have at the time that the universe feels is right, but I don't know how many more months of disappointment I can take, kwim?

That being said, I can't really do much at the moment but wait and hope, so it's what I'm going to do.

[~*Jackie*~]

I'm totally with you on how you are feeling. BFP storms here are bitter sweet. I am glad you started a journal, and I look forward to reading more about you! Hopefully you don't have to wait TOO long to O!!

[~Caroline~]

I've been lucky these past couple of months and I've been O'ing around CD 13-14 so I won't have too long to wait.

[KDD]

I don't know ifyouare the same way - but I find waiting to O so much more stressful than the 2WW! Hopefully you O on CD 13 or 14 again this cycle.

[~Caroline~]

Yes, I completely agree. Waiting to O is more stressful because I'm always scared we're going to miss our window and not BD enough. The 2WW is more exciting than stressful for me because there's really nothing I can do then, except wait and hope.

[Ash]

Caroline, I am totally with you that waiting to O royally sucks! Actually, now that I think of it, so does the 2WW!!

[MarinaAndCharlie'sMommy]

I know how you feel about the BFP storms. While I am thrilled for those girls, I am also jealous because it just seems like I will never be one of those girls. I am so tired of living my life in 2 week increments! I really hope you get your BFP this cycle and don't have to wait any longer.

[fromustobaby]

Wanted to drop by and say HI...can't wait to stalk you in your journal - hope that this is lucky cycle #9!!

[~Caroline~]

Today is CD 10.

I had some creamy CM on Monday and watery today. Of course I now want to BD all the time but we're having a bit of a scheduling problem. I'm working evenings and when I get home at 12:30 am, Chris is sound asleep and we just can never seem to make it work in the morning either. He promised he'd wait for me tonight, we'll see how that goes. He unfortunately has a pretty low sex drive so I have a feeling he'll just forget about it and fall asleep.

I'm not too worried about tonight because I usually have creamy or watery CM on CD 8 and 9 and then I O around CD 13 or 14 so I'm guessing I still have a couple of days and should (thankfully) O during the weekend. But still, I hope we can BD some tonight.

In unrelated news, Chris shaved his head on Monday! He did it as part of Leucan's shaved head challenge to raise money for a good cause (Leucan is an organization for kids suffering from cancer).



I think it makes him look sexy

[♥Ashley♥]

Oh yay! Im glad you started a journal Caroline! I didnt even know you did!! I already responded about your BF's shaved head in WTTC grads, but I think it makes him look HOT! And even more sexy because he did it for such a great cause!! I hope you guys get some good BD'ing in! I know that is your biggest obstacle with ttc

[Dóchas]

Love DH's new shaved head and can I say well done him on such a great charity.

[~Caroline~]

Just like I expected, he's asleep...

[~*Jackie*~]

Sorry you didn't get to BD last night. Hopefully it's still early though! I also wanted to add that the shaved look looks great!!