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Coley TTC #1


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  #61  
June 9th, 2009, 06:16 PM
fromustobaby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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WOW - I'm in awe of your will power...I have about 30 ICs, and I just can't stop myself...peeing and then flushing - so that's the secret...how bout that

Should I be having a talkie talkie with your BBs and tell them that I'm gonna come over and kick there a** until they do hurt if they don't cooperate soon and start hurting - hey, it worked for me

Lots and lots of higher temp dust...and closed window dust...silly boys...mine is the opposite, we are in FL, and its 95 every day, and he doesn't want to use the A/C...so right now, its like 85 in the house...and ummm, the A/C isn't on (I like hot so its ok, but it is definitely getting a bit muggy)...and we never use it at night...I don't even care about the BBTs anymore, I'm worried about the spermies - its ALL about the spermies!! What if they dont like 95 degrees!!
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  #62  
June 9th, 2009, 06:26 PM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Tonya! I'm the same way about the spermies! DH was moving stuff out of an attic for his Mom this weekend and came home soaked from being hot- and I yelled at him for probably killing all of his swimmers!

Nikki- here is some more high temp dust for the morning! I want to see a rise rise rise!
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Thank you brie_91 for this fabulous siggy!!
Our TTC journey: 6 cycles Clomid, lap surgery/ D&C, IUI, 2 x IVF; 33 cycles- BFN.
IVF#1 (March 2010) Transferred two 8-cell grade A (perfect) embies- BFN and heartbroken.

IVF#2/FET#1 (Jan/Feb 2011):Transferred two (7&8 cell) grade A (PERFECT) embies- BFN again.
March 2011- February 2012: On BCP due to endometriosis.

March 2012- taking a few months off of BCP and we are TTC naturally.
We will re-evaluate another IVF w/FET try in 2013.



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  #63  
June 10th, 2009, 06:10 AM
Coley's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: South Philly!
Posts: 11,173
Entry #8

Um.... WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?

Yeah, that's right... I said it... WHAT... THE... HELL?!?

CD 25 - 10 DPO

I wake up this morning and as usual grab my thermometer and stick it in my mouth. It beeps, I look at it... 97.4! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT?!?!? So instantly I'm in a pissy mood now, right? Because I'm thinking "Well that's no freakin' good, now is it?"

I was surprised... and thankful this was the one morning DH didn't ask what my temp was! So I get up, DO NOT pee, drive him to the train station, grope my bbs on the way back home noting that they still DO NOT hurt... AT ALL anymore and pee in a cup. At this point, will power can go screw itself. I am no longer He-Man... I do not have the power. I am a frantic hormonal woman who needs information and she needs it NOW!!

I dip my IC... and, naturally, BFN. Now I'm starting to think to myself "Why did you do that? Why did you test? Now it says No and your temp is low, so you know what's going to happen now, don't you? Yes... yes... You're going to do a Psychedelic Freak Out"

So I rattle around the house for a little bit... not wanting to put my temp into FF, because once I put it in, that makes it more REAL. I contemplate staying off JM until tomorrow if my temp is "better". I whip into a frenzy of Googling "Temp Drop at 10 DPO". I decide maybe the battery in my therm is dying, yeah? So I go and take my temp. 97.9 CRAP!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!?!? Battery is fine apparently. See? Psychedelic Freak Out!

Finally I come to grips with the fact that my temperature for today is 97.4 There is nothing I can do about it, denying it won't make it not so, wanting it to be something else isn't going to change it, so just accept it. But still... WHAT THE HELL?! Are you sensing a theme here?

So I did. I log on to FF and painstakingly type a 9, then a 7 then a . then a 4. I go through all my check boxes, etc... click save, then scroll down to my Early Pregnancy Signs. Yesterday it was 75, so I take a deep breath and prepare to see a piddly number that will make me It goes up to 82!! Say it with me now... WHAT THE HELL?!?!

I just went potty and there now there are two streaks of blood in my CM on the tissue. I wiped again and there was nothing.

So... All Together Now... WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!
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Last edited by Coley; June 11th, 2009 at 10:12 AM.
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  #64  
June 10th, 2009, 06:28 AM
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WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!! (I'm on board with the theme) Seriously WTH??? I'm hoping for good things for you Coley!! every part of me wants this for you soooo bad!!!!

You are also the funniest writer on here. I love reading your journal.. you're just hilarious.
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  #65  
June 10th, 2009, 06:42 AM
Coley's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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NAN!!!! I was waitin' on you!! You're like my reference checker!! Every time I feel something, you pop up and say "Me TOO!!" I've never had any streaks in my CM before... so that stood out. I won't lie, I've been checking every time I go potty for any spotting that might be able to be from implantation, but I hadn't seen anything. Now this morning I see that little bit and I'm more confused... It's the temp that is buggin' me.

I'm glad I'm entertaining everyone. I can't help it... I just write what I hear in my head. The voices!!! The voices!!!!
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  #66  
June 10th, 2009, 06:55 AM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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WTH??? I am hoping it's an ID. And spotting makes perfect sense for an ID.

Like I said on the board, I am anxious to see what tomorrow's temp is! If it goes back up... well... you just never know!!

(And don't put too much stock into the points on FF... I hide them every cycle now because I get really high points at times when AF is looming- even after a temp drop and it makes me nuts.)
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Thank you brie_91 for this fabulous siggy!!
Our TTC journey: 6 cycles Clomid, lap surgery/ D&C, IUI, 2 x IVF; 33 cycles- BFN.
IVF#1 (March 2010) Transferred two 8-cell grade A (perfect) embies- BFN and heartbroken.

IVF#2/FET#1 (Jan/Feb 2011):Transferred two (7&8 cell) grade A (PERFECT) embies- BFN again.
March 2011- February 2012: On BCP due to endometriosis.

March 2012- taking a few months off of BCP and we are TTC naturally.
We will re-evaluate another IVF w/FET try in 2013.



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  #67  
June 10th, 2009, 07:06 AM
Coley's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Stupid FF Preg Point thingie! LOL!!

Saw another tiny speck of red just now... I'm really hoping this is IB! Maybe that dip on 7 DPO wasn't really a DIP. Maybe it was just a bit lower than usual. I don't even know if I'd call today's temp a dip... it's more like a DROP!! Oh Pleeeease go back up tomorrow!!!

I've gotta head in to Philly at some point to see my folks. My mom called last night and said Cookie came by and asked my mom if she wanted a crib.

Naturally my mom said "What the hell do I need with a crib?" and Cookie says "For Nicole...." and Mom says "Oh. But she's not even pregnant yet." and Cookie tells her that doesn't matter, to think positive and at the very least it would save us a good bit of money with how expensive cribs can be.

So I ask her what does it look like? Is it all crappy or what? Mom said it's a real light color wood (like a beech or birch) and it looks all but brand new! I said "I'll take it!!" Woo Hoo!!

Cookie is my parents neighbor who lives one door away. Our families have known each other & been neighbors since my dad was a little boy. They have a HUGE family with TONS of kids... so she's basically got a bunch of baby stuff that she apparently wants to get rid of. I told Mom to tell her whatever she has and needs to get rid of, I'll take! Whatever I don't need/want, I will take to the Goodwill that is like 3 blocks away from my house.

So perhaps that will keep my mind off things for a bit. Perhaps!
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  #68  
June 10th, 2009, 07:13 AM
Coley's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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And now I just threw up... Ugh. Nice.
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  #69  
June 10th, 2009, 07:19 AM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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OOOOH, that could be a good sign!!! And YEAH for a crib!!! I'd do the same thing! I am praying your temps fool us and go up tomorrow!!!
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Thank you brie_91 for this fabulous siggy!!
Our TTC journey: 6 cycles Clomid, lap surgery/ D&C, IUI, 2 x IVF; 33 cycles- BFN.
IVF#1 (March 2010) Transferred two 8-cell grade A (perfect) embies- BFN and heartbroken.

IVF#2/FET#1 (Jan/Feb 2011):Transferred two (7&8 cell) grade A (PERFECT) embies- BFN again.
March 2011- February 2012: On BCP due to endometriosis.

March 2012- taking a few months off of BCP and we are TTC naturally.
We will re-evaluate another IVF w/FET try in 2013.



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  #70  
June 10th, 2009, 08:11 PM
Coley's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm afraid this entry will be neither entertaining nor funny. I apologize in advance if anyone finds some of this TMI, but... I'm sorry.

I've just come from the bathroom. As I sat down, dark red blood poured into the bowl. I hadn't even peed yet... it just drained out of me! WHAT IS THAT?!?! I just can't stop crying right now. I'm struggling to see the screen... but I just...

I'm so confused. Why was my LP so short? Apparently I never even stood a chance! I'm so devastated and angry and confused and frustrated. I feel completely and totally inept. This is the one thing I was designed for. To reproduce. And I feel like a total failure. I finally have the perfect DH who wants a baby as much as I do... finally it's the right time... and I can't do it.

This is so unfair. I didn't know I had this many tears inside of me. I feel like I just want to find a hole somewhere and crawl into it. DH doesn't know yet. He went to bed wishing for higher temp in the morning. I don't have the heart to wake him.

One broken heart per night is more than enough.
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  #71  
June 10th, 2009, 08:45 PM
fromustobaby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I know exactly what you are feeling, and I'm so so sorry!

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  #72  
June 10th, 2009, 10:06 PM
hearts.0nfire's Avatar STPR lover
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I'm sorry. I completely understand how you feel. I've felt like that a lot of over the past year. I hope that this cycle is your lucky one and you get your bfp.
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  #73  
June 10th, 2009, 10:39 PM
USAFWifey's Avatar Super Mommy
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Welcome!!! I'm a PA girlie too York area though. Nice to see you started a journal.

-Marki
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  #74  
June 10th, 2009, 10:39 PM
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ohh I'm so sorry nikki. this is so sad to hear. Your DH sounds like an amazing guy and you both are going to be wonderful parents. I know that you will get your little bean soon and I'm sure anyone saying things like this doesn't make you feel any better.

I'll keep being here for you until you get that =0 )

Last edited by Skimboardin Mama; June 11th, 2009 at 05:16 AM.
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  #75  
June 11th, 2009, 07:14 AM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so so sorry, Nikki.. I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a big hug. I can say that I can totally relate to how you are feeling, and just know that your JM 'sisters' are here to lean on.
__________________

Thank you brie_91 for this fabulous siggy!!
Our TTC journey: 6 cycles Clomid, lap surgery/ D&C, IUI, 2 x IVF; 33 cycles- BFN.
IVF#1 (March 2010) Transferred two 8-cell grade A (perfect) embies- BFN and heartbroken.

IVF#2/FET#1 (Jan/Feb 2011):Transferred two (7&8 cell) grade A (PERFECT) embies- BFN again.
March 2011- February 2012: On BCP due to endometriosis.

March 2012- taking a few months off of BCP and we are TTC naturally.
We will re-evaluate another IVF w/FET try in 2013.



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  #76  
June 11th, 2009, 07:25 AM
tiffanys's Avatar Expecting #1- Fisher
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I'm so sorry hun! I know exactly how you feel! But remember, you are not a failure! Please don't be so hard on yourself! I hope you know that we are all here for you! You are in my thoughts and prayers!
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  #77  
June 11th, 2009, 10:25 AM
Coley's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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First of all, let me say how much all of your thoughts, well wishes, hugs and love are SOOOOO appreciated. I cannot tell you how much it has warmed my heart to have all of you care so much. It is bringing tears to my eyes. I could not imagine going through this on my own, and because of all of you, I don't have to.

Entry #9

CD 2 ~ I crawled into bed last night and the moment I snuggled up next to Danny, I started to cry quietly. Just being close to him made it all start to hurt more. Helo (new kitten) curled up with me and I drifted off to sleep.

Danny woke me this morning telling me to take my temp. I already knew it wasnít going to be what he wanted to hear. It all started coming back and I could feel hot tears rolling down my face as I lay in bed waiting for the beep. He asks what it is. ď97.5Ē I say quietly. He says ďThatís higher than yesterday.Ē in his beautiful hopeful way. This makes me cry more. He finally realizes and asks if AF came. I nod sadly.

He sat down next to me on the bed, wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on the forehead. I apologized and he of course said ďItís okay baby. It will be alright.Ē He reminded me that it took 9 months for his parents to have him and 5 years for my parents to have me. I cry a bit harder at that, despite the fact that I knew he meant well. He asked if I wanted him to stay home with me for a while and that he could take the next train in to the office. I nod sadly.

We sat down, had a cup of coffee and some toast and I tell him that Iíve clearly had a short LP and what that means. He was really great this morning. Somehow he had me smiling and even laughing a bit by the time he left. He is truly my rock.

I spent some time late last night looking over my chart. I looked to see if maybe CD 12 was actually O day. I am convinced that it wasnít. I just think that when you look at the chart, the 2 distinct halves of the chart are clear and the dividing line is at CD 15. AF was not due for 4 more days.

So that means that I had a Luteal Phase Defect (LPD), which is defined as any LP shorter than 10 days, 12 days by some doctors standards. If you conceive and have an LPD, you will have an early miscarriage.

Iíve gotten my emotions under better control now and Iím slowly returning to my normal analytical problem solving self.

Iíve learned that the number one reason for LPD is low progesterone levels and that your doctor can do a progesterone test at 7 DPO to determine exactly how deficient you are. So Iím starting to wonder if there is any correlation at all between the facts that progesterone levels are tested on the exact CD that I had a temp drop. My temp shot right back up the next day which led me to believe it couldíve been an Implantation Dip, but then the 2 day nosedive began.

I didn't think my progesterone levels were a problem really. In TCOYF the low progesterone chart showed that the temps wouldn't stay above the Cover line. My temps always stay above my Cover Line, so I thought they were fine. Perhaps that was an incorrect or hasty assumption on my part.

Iíve already been taking 100 mg B6 every day as thatís supposed to help with your LPÖ Iím thinking of upping the dosage, since you can take up to 200 mg per day safely. Now Iím pondering Natural Progesterone cream from O day to AF. Danny thinks we should give it a try.

Neither of us have had any reason to go to the doctor since weíve moved, so we donít have a doctor yet. My GF recommended her doctor, who she says is FANTASTICÖ but sheís got a 4 month wait for an appointment. SCREW THAT!! Iíll be ****** if Iím waiting another 4 months before I can right this ship. Iím far too impatient for that. I know myself too well.

So thatís where we are today. I guess Iím off to try to find some accounts of ladies who are using/have used Natural Progesterone cream. Iíd like to find out how they went about it, how itís gone for them, etc. Any and ALL information will be helpful at this point as this is truly new territory for me.
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  #78  
June 11th, 2009, 02:01 PM
chrissy323's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Awww so sorry Nikki! I know how you feel and I am glad that you are getting through the dissapointment and on to how you can progress next cycle The more that you learn~ the better off you will be and IT WILL HAPPEN!!!! Your DH sounds so sweet and I know that you guys are gonna make wonderful parents! Hope you find a great doc, who will give you all the answers and lead you to your BFP! I'm here if ya need me
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  #79  
June 12th, 2009, 07:22 AM
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Coley,

Reading about you and your DH made me cry!!! It breaks my heart that this wasn't it for you. It's awesome how supportive and understanding Danny is to you. You've definitely found a keeper

I'm a little confused---- could that have been an implantation dip and then there been an abnormality so your body m/c??? Or is that totally not a possibility? I don't know how early "chemical pregnancy's" can m/c"

Well, I hope that the natural progesterone works for you. You guys are going to make one beautiful baby soon!! I love mixed babies they are always insanely cute!!!
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  #80  
June 14th, 2009, 09:54 PM
Coley's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hey there, Hi there, Ho there!

I've been a little MIA for the past few days. I had a really rough AF this month. Usually I get cramps the 1st day and that's it and the flow is usually medium at best. This time it was heavy, clotty and I was crampy for 2 days. That pretty much kept me from feeling like doing much of anything.

Chrissy ~ Thanks hon! I appreciate that! I figure dwelling on things won't change reality... so best thing to do is form a new plan of attack and move forward. Granted... 4 days ago I was a giant snot bubble! HA!!

Nan ~ You're so sweet sayin' we're gonna have a beautiful baby! I hope you're right... cuz if we have Quasimodo... I'm gonna be PISSED! HA!! J/K! Seriously though, we've been kinda wondering the same thing. One of the things that I've found kind of interesting is this... This last cycle from the first day of AF, my temps were good and low (97.2) as they should be. This new cycle, my temps were higher at the start of AF and took until today to get down to 97.2. Now, I have no idea if this actually means anything, but I find it interesting.

Danny says that he thinks that the reason AF was rough this time was because we got pregnant during April's cycle and I m/c, but because AF was only 2 days and pretty light, he doesn't think everything "flushed" as it's supposed to.

It is possible. My GF, who has a 3 1/2 year old little girl, told me that after she gave birth the nurse informed her that she had been pregnant before because as she was removing the after birth there were remnants of a previous chemical pregnancy. She never knew. So if it's possible to conceive, m/c, not have your body expel everything, O, conceive AGAIN & even carry to term with the previous pg stuff still there, then it's certainly not outside the realm of possibility for his theory to be correct.

I was doing some research on the whole progesterone deficiency thing, and I have identified some symptoms of hormone imbalance. I've had short LP's in the past, I don't make EWCM anymore, I, sadly, have experienced decreased sex drive too and I am over 30 so it's certainly possible that this is part of the issue. By the time he got home from work, he had found a really good cream and already ordered it. Fingers crossed!

I have been taking Evening Primrose Oil to try to help with the whole EWCM thing, but I decided to stop taking it today. You're only supposed to take it up until O day because it can cause uterine contractions. I noticed some cramping today that felt kind of unsettling. I don't know if that caused it or not, but I mentioned it to Danny and he said "Stop taking it then. We've got Pre-Seed." So I'm done with those. I just don't really like the idea of taking something that can cause contractions... especially after these last 2 cycles.

We actually had a nice weekend... one of my GF's stopped over and brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers to cheer me up which was so thoughtful! Danny and I went to his company BBQ on Saturday and today we went grocery shopping and bought a TON of fruits and vegetables. We had a great dinner! He made delmonico steaks & poblano peppers on the grill and I made a romaine, green leaf & spinach salad with orange peppers, cucumbers & grape tomatoes.

It was a nice way to wrap up a crappy-ending week. So I'm now on to this new cycle to see what happens. I am wondering though... since this past cycle was shorter than 28 days... should I still start my OPK's on CD 11 of this cycle or should I start them sooner?

I'll be glad when I don't have so many questions, which will probably be the twelfth day of never! HA!!
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