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Jackie's TTC Journal


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  #3701  
March 1st, 2011, 09:34 AM
fromustobaby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 8,566
thinking of you...enjoy those delicious treats and time with your sweet hubby!
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  #3702  
March 1st, 2011, 11:08 AM
Coley's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: South Philly!
Posts: 11,173
Just saw your "decision" post on the main board...

So sorry you're having to make this decision, but I do hope it's the one that brings some peace and fun back to your lives.

Please know that you and Jon will remain in my thoughts and prayers...
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  #3703  
March 1st, 2011, 11:09 AM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: The Land of Infertility
Posts: 16,093
Thanks, Tonya!

And thank you, Nikki. I'll hopefully catch you on Facebook or text me any time. I still have your #!

Well, to give my journal a proper ending... or at least proper temporary ending, I will xpost what I posted on the main board... you ladies, and I will be back one day.

Well, I really really don’t want to have to post this, but here I am. First of all, thank you all for the love, support, PMs, messages, etc. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again- you are a remarkable group of women that I am truly blessed to have met and have made so many TRUE friends here. JM is a very special place.

The reason for my post is two-fold. An update, and as a result of the update, a temporary, but long-term ‘goodbye’. After the witch showed late Friday night, my pain from endo started getting worse and worse. Jon came home from his business trip around midnight Saturday night, and I was feeling awful. I did sleep through the night, but Sunday morning had a hard time even physically getting out of bed. Once I got to the couch, I didn’t leave it the rest of the day and only slept by way of Percocet. This was THE worst AF pain yet. Hardly any bleeding (duh, thin lining), but I must have had a lot of internal bleeding as I’m sure the patches I was on for 4 weeks built up the endo rather than the lining in the RIGHT place. So Sunday night, Jon and I had to make a decision- a decision that breaks my heart in more ways than one, but I am 100% sure it’s the right one for us right now. The only thing that can keep the endo from growing and the pain from going on and on is birth control pills- so as of last night, I am on them again. I would have opted for another surgery, but we already know that where my endo is placed will result in a very substantial surgery with a long recovery time (bowel reduction surgery would be part of this) and scar tissue would make it harder to conceive. Jon and I have made the decision to take some time off (indefinitely) from TTC to focus on life again. I really feel like the last 3 and a half years of my life have just passed me by, and what do I have to show for it? We need to enjoy ourselves again, I want to go away on a long weekend whenever I want without worrying about what meds I’m on or what appointments I might have. I want to be the old me again- sans hormones to make me crazy and a different person. I’ve done it for far too long and just simply put- I can’t do it anymore. The toughest part of this conversation was point blank asking my DH if he truly can be happy until the end of time with me and only me with no kids in our future. And literally, with tears in his eyes, he assured me “YES” and said as long as I’m with him, he’ll absolutely always be happy. So, although the rest of this stinks, I am blessed to have my soulmate along my side unconditionally.

We do have 4 frozen embies left, and we’ve made the decision to re-evaluate things this time next year to see if we are ready (and willing) to give IVF another shot. Neither of us think that doing it right now, while my endo is so bad, will result in a pregnancy. So, as part of this process of getting my old life back and moving on from the daily TTC mentality, I need to step down as co-host (which breaks my heart as much as this whole stupid decision), and I am stepping back from JM completely. I don’t think this is completely right, given the support that each of you have given me and not being able to return it, but quite honestly, if I don’t put my physical and mental health on the front burner, I will end up in a padded room!

I will try to check up on “my girls” from time to time. If you have me on Facebook, I will try to keep up with you there moreso. After 3 years on JM, this is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, next to stopping my journey to motherhood. I want more than anything to be a Mommy, but it just may not be in the cards for us. Maybe it’s a few years away when I am feeling physically better, but right now, Jon and I are working on accepting the life we were given and focusing on each other. We already have a long weekend booked toward the end of March- something we wouldn’t be doing if I needed to save up all my vacation for appointments, surgeries, and transfers. This is what we need to do. I pray that you all get your miracles that you so deserve...
__________________

Thank you brie_91 for this fabulous siggy!!
Our TTC journey: 6 cycles Clomid, lap surgery/ D&C, IUI, 2 x IVF; 33 cycles- BFN.
IVF#1 (March 2010) Transferred two 8-cell grade A (perfect) embies- BFN and heartbroken.

IVF#2/FET#1 (Jan/Feb 2011):Transferred two (7&8 cell) grade A (PERFECT) embies- BFN again.
March 2011- February 2012: On BCP due to endometriosis.

March 2012- taking a few months off of BCP and we are TTC naturally.
We will re-evaluate another IVF w/FET try in 2013.



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  #3704  
March 1st, 2011, 06:40 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Maryland
Posts: 3,469
From the beginning when I found and joined JM, you were always so kind and helpful Jackie. I will miss stalking your journal and hearing about how things are going for you; but I respect your decision 100%. I think you and your DH are amazing people and I'm glad that two of you were able to make a decision, as I know that couldn't have been easy. Enjoy every second of your long getaway, you deserve it. I'll be sure to keep up with you on facebook.
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  #3705  
March 1st, 2011, 06:50 PM
aogilvie's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 601
Jackie, I love you and wish you all the best. What a hard decision, but what a bold one. Take your life back, with both hands. See you around on facebook. Lots of love, Ana.
__________________
Ana-31 DH-32
TTC #1 with Endometriosis & Antiphospholipid Syndrome since December 2008
Dec 2008 - April 2010 #17 Natural cycles
May 2010 - IUI + clomid 50mg BFN
June 2010 - IUI + clomid 50mg BFN
July 2010 - IUI + clomid 100mg BFN
Sept/OC 2010 - IVF #1 (1 embryo transfered; none to freeze) BFP!!!
Oct 25 2010 - First ultrasound at 6.5 weeks TWO HEARTBEATS!!! The embryo split; we're having identical twins!!!
Nov 30 2010 - Ultrasound at 11 weeks; no heartbeats & no growth past 9 weeks
Dec 2 - D&C#1
Dec 7 2010 - D&C#2
Dec 22 2010 through current - Weekly acupuncture treatment
May/June 2011 - IVF#2 with acupuncture (1 embryo transferred; 4 embies on ice!!!) BFP!!!
June 29 2011 - First ultrasound at 7.0 weeks. Everything looks great so far!

July 18, 2011 - Second ultrasound at 9.5 weeks. Baby is doing great!

Feb 10 2012 - Molly Eileen arrived at 7lbs 11oz and 19inches!!!
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  #3706  
March 1st, 2011, 08:29 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 1,228
take care of yourself hun! you deserve all the happiness in the world!!!! you!!
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  #3707  
March 2nd, 2011, 05:29 AM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: The Land of Infertility
Posts: 16,093
Thank you so much, ladies.

Ana- that's exactly what I plan on doing. I want and need my life back, and I already feel like there was more laughter in our house last night than there's been in the last few weeks. Somehow, someway, we are going to make it through this. I love you too, and I will continue to pray for you. Please don't hesitate to message me on FB and let me know how your next IVF cycle goes-- I really really hope you get your miracle.
__________________

Thank you brie_91 for this fabulous siggy!!
Our TTC journey: 6 cycles Clomid, lap surgery/ D&C, IUI, 2 x IVF; 33 cycles- BFN.
IVF#1 (March 2010) Transferred two 8-cell grade A (perfect) embies- BFN and heartbroken.

IVF#2/FET#1 (Jan/Feb 2011):Transferred two (7&8 cell) grade A (PERFECT) embies- BFN again.
March 2011- February 2012: On BCP due to endometriosis.

March 2012- taking a few months off of BCP and we are TTC naturally.
We will re-evaluate another IVF w/FET try in 2013.



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  #3708  
March 2nd, 2011, 07:12 PM
~Momma*2011~'s Avatar I love my little girl!!
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,765
Love you Jackie!!!
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Jacky - Mommy to Caylyn (12/17/11) and Carter (10/8/13)




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  #3709  
March 15th, 2011, 08:58 AM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: The Land of Infertility
Posts: 16,093
Well, I just wanted pop my head in as this is my first day in a couple of weeks that I've signed into JM. I do miss it, but since it's not part of my life right now (TTC), it's not as hard as I figured it would be. I do lurk from time to time, but it's kind of nice not seeing siggies (from the outside world) and seeing how ladies are moving on while I'm stuck in the mud. I do always wish you TTC#1 girls, especially the vets, tons and tons of good thoughts and pray for you miracles.

Well, not much is new with me. I have started my third week of my pill and am feeling pretty good with it. I did have a few different days of light spotting, but I'm sure it's just my body getting used to things. I also felt like a few days ago that I O'd (which I certainly hope not because I don't want a real period to pop in at the end of the first 4 weeks since I'm on a 12 week pill!!) I guess time will tell. I hope it's a false alarm. And before you even think it, we haven't BD'd in forever so there's no chance of 'miracles'. Jon was crazy sick and now I have it (awful awful cold) so none of that.
Oh well, I do feel bad posting and running, but it's what I needed I guess. I wanted to check in, answer a few PMs I had, and then off into the sunset I go. I am hoping the witch stays away until late May, then we have our trip in early June (yay for gaming geeks and seeing my friends again!).
I miss you ladies and hope that I see some awesome BFPs next time I come back.
__________________

Thank you brie_91 for this fabulous siggy!!
Our TTC journey: 6 cycles Clomid, lap surgery/ D&C, IUI, 2 x IVF; 33 cycles- BFN.
IVF#1 (March 2010) Transferred two 8-cell grade A (perfect) embies- BFN and heartbroken.

IVF#2/FET#1 (Jan/Feb 2011):Transferred two (7&8 cell) grade A (PERFECT) embies- BFN again.
March 2011- February 2012: On BCP due to endometriosis.

March 2012- taking a few months off of BCP and we are TTC naturally.
We will re-evaluate another IVF w/FET try in 2013.



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  #3710  
March 15th, 2011, 02:25 PM
Mrs.Paradise's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Utah
Posts: 6,340
awwwwwww I was getting my hopes up that you were back!!! lol but I am sooooooooooooooooooooo soooooooooooooooooooooooo happy for you Jackie!!! I think and talk about you ALL the time with my hubby... and SIL... you sound like your getting back to where you should be!!! I know your still having a hard time when you think about everything... but I know your feeling better!!! I have kind of stepped away from here too since you left... I still do come in here and check things out... but for the most part I just cant handle it anymore... and Im RARELY on FB too... there are too many happy people and Im not one of them... so I just try to stay away... Im sooooooooo excited for your trip!!! I keep telling Mark we need to go on vacation... but we lent majorty to my brother... so we cant until we get that money back... and its ok... Im going to PM you my cell number and I hope you will text me ANY TIME!!!! I miss your face!!!! and one last HUGE SUPER DUPER FREAKING BIG FAT GIANT MONSTER HOOKER FANGBANGER LOVE YOU GIRLIE!!!!
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  #3711  
March 15th, 2011, 03:14 PM
MarinaAndCharlie'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 7,706
Miss you too Jackie! So glad you are doing so well! Thanks for the update, I've been thinking of you!
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  #3712  
April 18th, 2011, 09:08 AM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: The Land of Infertility
Posts: 16,093
Just checking in after a month away. I miss everyone here so much (I already don't recognize SO many names on the main board!). To think, I was cohost here just a few months ago and now I don't know most of the posters.

Anyway, things are going well. Been really busy and really preoccupied, but good. We had a tornado hit our street a month ago, so that's been a real eye opening experience. Every day when I drive through our street I just shake my head in amazement. Our house is fine, thank GOD, but some of our neighbors weren't so lucky.

The BCP I'm on has been making me crazy. I've had spotting for almost a month now, and I had a spurt of 8 or 9 days of a light AF, which sucked. Really light cramps along with it, but otherwise, NO PAIN, which is the main point of taking this. I have my yearly appt on May 4th, so I'll decide then if I want to continue with this or try another one. I am back to spotting again and hoping she goes completely away. If she does, I will more than likely stay on this pill. We shall see.

Jon and I are just living and enjoying ourselves. Yesterday was a year with our furbaby, which is crazy! Time sure does fly. We're going to our gaming get together in June, and I'm working on losing weight before it. I am down 3.5 pounds now so I am finally on my way. Trying to work my tail off.

Anyway, if anyone is out there, I hope you are doing well. I think of so many of you so often.
__________________

Thank you brie_91 for this fabulous siggy!!
Our TTC journey: 6 cycles Clomid, lap surgery/ D&C, IUI, 2 x IVF; 33 cycles- BFN.
IVF#1 (March 2010) Transferred two 8-cell grade A (perfect) embies- BFN and heartbroken.

IVF#2/FET#1 (Jan/Feb 2011):Transferred two (7&8 cell) grade A (PERFECT) embies- BFN again.
March 2011- February 2012: On BCP due to endometriosis.

March 2012- taking a few months off of BCP and we are TTC naturally.
We will re-evaluate another IVF w/FET try in 2013.



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  #3713  
April 18th, 2011, 09:57 AM
DaniM0820's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Pottstown, PA
Posts: 3,041
I'm glad you are checking in, Jackie I miss you on the board but am glad to hear that you are doing well, and that your house is safe after those tornadoes! The weather has been CRAZY just about everywhere!

Hopefully the BCP starts doing what it's supposed to soon and the spotting stops. What kind are you taking now? I was on Seasonale for a few years, and the 3 months without a period was fabulous!

And 3.5 lbs lost is great!! I hope you keep us updated with out everything is going!
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Thank you *Kiliki* for my cute siggy!


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  #3714  
April 18th, 2011, 10:09 AM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: The Land of Infertility
Posts: 16,093
Thanks, Dani! Right now, I'm on LoSeasonique (the lower strength of Seasonique). I know the issue I'm having is with the low dosage. My RE wanted to keep me on something really low so that it kept my endo from being crazy. So far, that part has worked, but I'm convinced that my body is still (or at least is trying) ovulating on it. We haven't DTD in a month so it doesn't matter, lol. I'm really hoping my body is getting used to it and the bleeding will stop. I really don't want to have my period for 2 months during the summer!
__________________

Thank you brie_91 for this fabulous siggy!!
Our TTC journey: 6 cycles Clomid, lap surgery/ D&C, IUI, 2 x IVF; 33 cycles- BFN.
IVF#1 (March 2010) Transferred two 8-cell grade A (perfect) embies- BFN and heartbroken.

IVF#2/FET#1 (Jan/Feb 2011):Transferred two (7&8 cell) grade A (PERFECT) embies- BFN again.
March 2011- February 2012: On BCP due to endometriosis.

March 2012- taking a few months off of BCP and we are TTC naturally.
We will re-evaluate another IVF w/FET try in 2013.



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  #3715  
April 18th, 2011, 10:29 AM
MarinaAndCharlie'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 7,706
So glad to hear from you Jackie!!! I'm so glad you are feeling good! Hope the bleeding stops soon. That has to be annoying, but yay for no endo pain! Congrats on the weightloss! That's awesome!
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  #3716  
April 18th, 2011, 11:10 AM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: The Land of Infertility
Posts: 16,093
Thanks, Casey! I'm bad about updating (I feel like so many have moved one without me that it's tough!), but I'll try to stop in from time to time.
__________________

Thank you brie_91 for this fabulous siggy!!
Our TTC journey: 6 cycles Clomid, lap surgery/ D&C, IUI, 2 x IVF; 33 cycles- BFN.
IVF#1 (March 2010) Transferred two 8-cell grade A (perfect) embies- BFN and heartbroken.

IVF#2/FET#1 (Jan/Feb 2011):Transferred two (7&8 cell) grade A (PERFECT) embies- BFN again.
March 2011- February 2012: On BCP due to endometriosis.

March 2012- taking a few months off of BCP and we are TTC naturally.
We will re-evaluate another IVF w/FET try in 2013.



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  #3717  
April 18th, 2011, 01:39 PM
daneeleigh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6,647
I'm so glad to see you update!! And I saw the tornado on your FB and was so glad to see yall were safe!!!!! I have to ask if your pill is a tri hormonal pill instead of one equal dosage throughout the month. My doctor I see for my endo saw I was having issues with my pills when I first saw her and was like, " No wonder you can't take any of these, your not supposed to take tri dosage pills with endo." I had no clue. I kept having break through bleeding or just continuous bleeding with the others. Apparently with endo, if you take a continuous dosage it does a lot better and I haven't had any issues with the one she had put me on. I hope your bleeding stops soon, I know how annoying that is. I went through bootcamp with a period the entire time, SUCKED lol.

I wish you were on the board with me now that I'm finally active here again! But I'm still praying for your miracle baby!!!!!!
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  #3718  
April 18th, 2011, 05:01 PM
MarinaAndCharlie'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 7,706
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~*Jackie*~ View Post
Thanks, Casey! I'm bad about updating (I feel like so many have moved one without me that it's tough!), but I'll try to stop in from time to time.

You are never far from my thoughts hun. I know that is the same for a lot of us around here. Enjoy your time with your DH
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  #3719  
April 19th, 2011, 05:49 AM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: The Land of Infertility
Posts: 16,093
Thanks, Casey!

Danee- I'm on a continuous dosage. Quite honestly, I was on Ortho Tri Cyclen for 9 years before we were TTC and I never had an issue. And I don't think I would have had an issue with this continuous pill, except that I "skip" periods. I'm pretty convinced that for at least the first month, my body still O'd and did the usual stuff and then my period came a little late due to the pill. I'm hoping that this next "cycle" I'm on won't be a normal one and my body will just go dormant in a way so that the bleeding stops. It's looking like it's slowing, so I am hoping for some lovin' by the weekend. It's only been a month! HA!
__________________

Thank you brie_91 for this fabulous siggy!!
Our TTC journey: 6 cycles Clomid, lap surgery/ D&C, IUI, 2 x IVF; 33 cycles- BFN.
IVF#1 (March 2010) Transferred two 8-cell grade A (perfect) embies- BFN and heartbroken.

IVF#2/FET#1 (Jan/Feb 2011):Transferred two (7&8 cell) grade A (PERFECT) embies- BFN again.
March 2011- February 2012: On BCP due to endometriosis.

March 2012- taking a few months off of BCP and we are TTC naturally.
We will re-evaluate another IVF w/FET try in 2013.



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  #3720  
April 19th, 2011, 01:24 PM
LuvMyToriBug's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 7,579
Good to see an update Jackie!! I have thought of you often and hope that you are doing okay!! Love you and miss you!!
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