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Jackie's TTC Journal


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  #1781  
March 22nd, 2010, 01:13 PM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: The Land of Infertility
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jodi0804 View Post
Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. I'm sure the time seems like its going in slow right now, hang in there girl. When on Wed are you testing?
Not until after work.. sometime in the early evening. So no one can freak out when I don't have anything posted for forever. And if it's a BFN, I won't be able to bring myself to share it, I don't think.
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Thank you Bokkechick for this amazing siggy!!
Our TTC journey: 6 cycles Clomid, lap surgery/ D&C, IUI, 2 x IVF; 41 cycles- BFN.
IVF#1 (March 2010) Transferred two 8-cell grade A (perfect) embies- BFN and heartbroken.

IVF#2/FET#1 (Jan/Feb 2011):Transferred two (7&8 cell) grade A (PERFECT) embies- BFN again.
IVF#3/FET#2 (November 2014) Transferred two perfect blasts- First BFP Ever.
EDD of our BABY BOY: 8/18/15


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  #1782  
March 22nd, 2010, 03:00 PM
KDD's Avatar
KDD KDD is offline
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We're all keeping our fingers crossed that it's NOT a BFN. My clinic won't do any testing until 16dpt btw.
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  #1783  
March 22nd, 2010, 03:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~*Jackie*~ View Post
Not until after work.. sometime in the early evening. So no one can freak out when I don't have anything posted for forever. And if it's a BFN, I won't be able to bring myself to share it, I don't think.
Gotcha, I'm thinking nothing but good thoughts for you and a beautiful BFP!!!
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  #1784  
March 22nd, 2010, 04:26 PM
JuiceF's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,613
Hiya Jackie, how are you feeling today?? Sorry about the restless night, I hope you have a restful night tonight filled with jumping sheep and puffy clouds!!!

I am rooting for you and your little embies!! 2 more days!! keeping smiling girly!!
Have a great rest of your day!!!

xoxox
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  #1785  
March 22nd, 2010, 07:01 PM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks again, everyone, for popping in. Kimberley- 16dpt is crazy! I thought mine was crazy for waiting until 13dp3dt.

I'll be lucky if AF doesn't show before the beta test. I'm back to doubting everything. I POAS tonight- and IC- why? I don't know again but it was absolutely white, so that is about it, folks. DH and I will still use a FRER on Wednesday and then wrap this thing up. We had a pretty strong talk tonight.... with me asking what do we do next? He's basically put me on a mandatory break- like a complete break, and I know he'd prefer me to go on BCP for a while so that my endo pain isn't "as" bad. I don't think I can just roll over and give up ttc naturally right away, but eventually I'll be forced to- sooner rather than later. Then I asked him about our frozen babies and when he thinks we could try with them... he's certainly not ready to have that talk, and he says "we have plenty of time to think about what to do with them". We both think it's a good idea, though, to ask the nurses at my RE's office to call after, say 3pm on Thursday and me plan on going home early to get the call. We already know (and will know for sure Wednesday night) what that call Thursday will be, and just hearing the words from someone of an "official" position will break me. I'm broken already, but that will insanely break me. Being home already is a good idea.

Please don't take this as negative talk or pessimist talk, because I really do try to be a positive person- especially dealing with 2.5 years of ttc. I just feel like I know my body, I know the signs it's giving me to prepare for the worst, and I know that I need to look down the road to feel at all grounded. That's another thing I told DH... it's so much better for me to have something to focus on down the road in the world of ttc, and after this IVF- there's nothing left. It's so reality and it so stinks.

Oh well... you'll have to bear with me for a few days. After that, I'm not sure what's going to happen. BCP for a few months until we decide what to do... or just dealing with the endo pain for a few months, try FET and then accept it all, or just grieve and accept it all now, start living our lives again while trying not to resent pregnant women or happy moms, or what. It's hard to say...

All I know is that our pet-free house (with only a beta fish in over 5 years of marriage) will get an addition. We had both already agreed that if this only ever fresh cycle failed, we are getting me a kitty. One thing to look forward to in a sea of hurt..
__________________

Thank you Bokkechick for this amazing siggy!!
Our TTC journey: 6 cycles Clomid, lap surgery/ D&C, IUI, 2 x IVF; 41 cycles- BFN.
IVF#1 (March 2010) Transferred two 8-cell grade A (perfect) embies- BFN and heartbroken.

IVF#2/FET#1 (Jan/Feb 2011):Transferred two (7&8 cell) grade A (PERFECT) embies- BFN again.
IVF#3/FET#2 (November 2014) Transferred two perfect blasts- First BFP Ever.
EDD of our BABY BOY: 8/18/15


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  #1786  
March 22nd, 2010, 07:32 PM
ChristinaR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 4,109
Jackie, I wish I could come through the computer and give you a big hug! I just don't understand why things happen the way they do sometimes. It just really sucks! This cycle isn't over yet but I know what it's like to go through many cycles hearing it's not over, when you know your body so well. I'm praying for your miracle and hope things still go your way Wed. BIG hugs for you sweetie
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  #1787  
March 23rd, 2010, 04:55 AM
CandaceDianne's Avatar Lilyan's Mommy
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Hugs just don't seem like enough and I wish I had some words of encouragement....but all I can say is that Im still praying for you and you should know in a few days.
Oh, I see that temp rise!

Last edited by CandaceDianne; March 23rd, 2010 at 05:31 AM.
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  #1788  
March 23rd, 2010, 06:55 AM
Mrs.Paradise's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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AWWWWWWWWWWWW Jackie!!! that just made me cry!!! I know exactly how you feel... I have been there... I thought that this is it... theres nothing I can do... Im NEVER going to be a mommy... and all I can say to you is Im soooooooooooooo sorry!!! I know we all deal with things diff. but for me I just had to stop thinking about it so much... because it was really going to tare me apart... now Im hopefull again... I think that you will regain your hope!! it might take some time... but you will be able to hope again... I still feel like this is still YOUR cycle!!! your little babies are just being little stinkers!!! HUGE HUGE sweetie!!! and dont be afraid to take ALL the time you need!!!
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  #1789  
March 23rd, 2010, 07:42 AM
MommaLee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm still hopeful for you....c'mon two pink lines!!!
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  #1790  
March 23rd, 2010, 09:51 AM
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I've been having computer problems lately and I'm just now catching up on your journal..Jackie, I'm sooooo sorry you have to go through this. I wish I could give you the biggest hug ever right now. I'm still hopeful for your beta draw! HUGS!!!
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  #1791  
March 23rd, 2010, 11:17 AM
♥Ashley♥'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Jackie, im SO sorry for all your going through right now. I havent been on JM in a few days and I feel bad.

Im so sorry that you are feeling down about this all. Im still hopeful for you sweetie, and im not gonna ask you to perk right up and be the same because its got to be extremely hard. I think there is still a great chance that you are pregnant! I cant wait for that test tomorrow night, and I hope you get on and update us with wonderful news!!!! I've been thinking about you everyday Jackie, I hope you know that! There are SO many women here on JM supporting you and hoping for the best!

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Cycle #1-9 - All Natural....5BFN's, 4BFP's (all ended in miscarriage)
Cycle #10-11 - Met with first RE, diagnosed with heterzygeous MTHFR mutation & slightly low SA on all counts. -BFN, Cycle #12 - First IUI+Trigger - BFN, Cycle #13 - BFN
Cycle #14-15 - Met with new RE, diagnosed with a blocked right tube that previous RE completely overlooked or didnt care to mention. Soy (120mg) - BFN
Cycle #16 - Clomid (100mg) - BFN, Cycle #17 - Clomid (100mg)+Trigger+IUI - BFN
Cycle #18 - Acupuncture+Clomid (100mg) - BFN
Cycle #19-27 - 2 Soy (160mg) cycles, the rest all natural also 30lbs lost!! - BFN's
Cycle #28 - New RE is GREAT! Put on bcp 7/6/11, Lap surgery 8/1/11- Tubal cyst (5cm) found and removed, Uterine Septum removed, and Stage II-III endo removed. Cycle #29 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle #30 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle#31 - All Natural - BFN, DONE TTC FOR NOW




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  #1792  
March 23rd, 2010, 11:28 AM
dansyl's Avatar Missing my angel baby!
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Oh, jackie!!! I want this for you sooo bad. I have heard with IVF that a lot of people don't get bfp until a little later than normal. You still might get a surprise on Wednesday! Even if you do get your BFP you should still get a kitty! I think every house needs a pet! lol I will be thinking of you and can't wait for an update.
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  #1793  
March 23rd, 2010, 11:35 AM
ZaydensMomma's Avatar Aaron Nicole
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 16,443
You are truly a wonderful woman who deserve all the things in the world! My heart is aching for you! NO you are not being negative or pessimist. You have EVERY right to talk whatever is on your mind and how you feel. IVF is VERY emotional and draining process for ANYONE. I'm just speechless.

HEY I think it's AWESOME you are thinking about getting a kitty! I cannnnnnnnnnot tell you HOW MANY times my cats have lifted my spirits thru my TTC journey the past 4 years. They are great therapy to me! I think having a kitty will be a great therapy for you!

Lots of hugs and T&P's for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  #1794  
March 23rd, 2010, 11:53 AM
Coley's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lyz View Post
I've been having computer problems lately and I'm just now catching up on your journal..
Maybe it was a Delaware thing ... because I was so crashy yesterday it wasn't even funny!!

Jackie... Sweet Pea... I wish I could climb right through this computer screen, wrap you up in my arms and just let you let it all out.

I am so not surprised that you are feeling this way. And don't you dare worry about sounding negative or pessimistic. It's to be expected, I think. I mean, in my mind you are days away from this whole thing being over, one way or another. The level of anticipation, fear and uncertainty must be palpable. It's only natural that you would experience spontaneous freak-outs in those moments where the gravity of it all really hits you.

That being said... until you know, you don't know. I've heard about LOTS of IVF girls getting BFPs after stark white BFNs. I also know you know your body... just as I know mine. I know what my body does when it's almost over... and I know you do too, so I can totally empathize with where you're coming from.

I'm glad you are taking off early so that you can be at home to get your news. Either way the word goes... I think that will be best.

Hang in there hun... We love you and are all pulling for you like you wouldn't believe!
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  #1795  
March 23rd, 2010, 12:21 PM
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Jackie, my heart is breaking for you right now. I wish I could come and hug you. I'm hoping that your body is holding out on you but I do remember knowing when things hadnt' worked. I'm praying that you will get to use those fright now. rozen embies soon!! My prayers are with you
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  #1796  
March 23rd, 2010, 02:26 PM
chrissy323's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hey girl!! I am not that great with words, but I can say that I could not be hoping more for you and that we are all here for you no matter what happens
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  #1797  
March 23rd, 2010, 02:36 PM
JuiceF's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Jackie, I completely agree with everyone here.. like Nikki said, we are all pulling for you!! Please know that your are in my prayers before I go to sleep, I wish nothing more for you then to be a mommy!!! Its not over just yet.

You are allowed to feel down, sad or anything you want and no on here is going to judge you. We all love you and wish nothing but the best!!

Aaron is right my wonderful cat really knows how to make me feel better and your kitty will help you through the toughest of times, they can sense it and she will be great company!!

xoxoxox.. your in my thoughts and prayers!!!
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  #1798  
March 23rd, 2010, 04:38 PM
Tammyms's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh Jackie, you're not in any way seeming like you're being negative! And, I think those are conversations that you and DH need to have and need to be prepared for... of course, I'm really hoping that none of this will matter after Wed and that this all worked out for you
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  #1799  
March 23rd, 2010, 07:52 PM
fromustobaby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thinking of you Jackie...
I know how you need to prepare yourself, but I so so desperately hope that you get a wonderful surprise tomorrow afternoon...
Add me in to the virtual hug going on around here...
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  #1800  
March 24th, 2010, 04:12 AM
denalibear's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh Jackie...I'm so sorry you are having to go through this whole roller coaster. I totally understand your need to prepare yourself but I'm going to keep on hoping that your betas will come back with a sweet surprise
Love ya hun!!!!!
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