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Ash's very belated TTC #1 Journal


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  #1  
June 7th, 2009, 08:18 AM
Ash Ash is offline
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Just to go back quite a few years and give you some history, Nathan and I discovered that we had fallen in love about a year after the guy I was dating at the time, Jason was tragically killed in a car accident. Jason and I had been together for about two years, and we had just decided that we would take the next step and get married (although there were no official plans). That was in October of 1998. Nathan and I had actually met and become good friends in May of 1996, but were always dating other people. After Jason died, I was a mess. I couldn't function, I was drinking too much, not eating, and overall taking terrible care of myself. Nathan was my rock! He reminded me to live life. He took me out, made me laugh, and simply reminded me how to live life again. We officially started dating in late 1999.

That first year was rocky! I had so many insecurities related to Jason's death. At one point, I remember Nathan asking me if I would even be with him if Jason was not dead. OUCH! I honestly could not answer him at that time in my life. Every time Nathan walked out of my door, I feared the worst. I was gripped by my fears of losing someone a second time that I loved so much. We broke up in December of 2000.

I was devastated. I remember sitting at work talking to a friend saying, "This is not right, I know this is not the way it is supposed to end up!" Sure enough I was right, we reconciled on my birthday in January of 2001. Our relationship began to grow stronger each year that went by. I finally was able to put some of the heart break of losing Jason to rest. We had a great relationship, we loved each other.

We never talked about the "M" word at all throughout our relationship. Finally, in 2004, shortly before I graduated from nursing school the subject came up. We stayed up all night talking about what it would be like, where we would get married, where we would have our honeymoon, everything. I still had no idea when it would actually happen.

I graduated in May of 2004, and a couple of days later we left to go with his family on a trip to Angel Fire, NM. Nathan had already prepared me that we would not be getting engaged while on vacation because it was too far from my family and not fair for them to not be around to share such a special moment. Little did I know, he already had the ring and had already asked my father's permission to marry me. WOW!!

We got engaged on a Wednesday at the most lovely little winery there in the valley of the Sangre de Cristo Mountain Range. The winery was not even supposed to be open, but Nathan had arranged everything with the owners. We went out on the patio and were relaxing and drinking wine, when I noticed Nathan getting fidgety. I asked him what was wrong, and what he was doing. He said (down on one knee), "I am trying to ask you to marry me, will you marry me?" I was over whelmed with emotions, and of course I said, "YES, of course I will marry you!"

We got married in July of the following year (2005). It was the picture perfect wedding, just as I had always wanted it to be. We were married in the Rose Gardens of our home town. I knew from a teenager that I would get married there. What a magical evening, truly, I could not have asked for anything better.

Fast forward to January of 2007. Nathan and I had planned a vacation to Hawaii. We decided that in early January, we would toss the birth control and start trying for our first little miracle. That is where we are today, trying for our little one.

I learned most of everything I know thanks to a fantastic book called, "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. For anyone who is struggling to conceive, I highly recommend it. Because of all that I have learned, I determined that I might have Luteal Phase Defect. I have a really short Luteal Phase (the time between ovulation and the beginning of your next cycle), and that my Luteal Phase (LP) is more variable in length than it is really supposed to be. A normal LP should be at least 10 days (but less than 12 is concerning if you are TTC, and should only vary by one to two days from cycle to cycle. Mine has been as short as 7 days and as long as 13. I have had 5 cycles where my LP was 11 or less. So all of this lead me to make an appointment with my doctor to get some answers.

I went in not really expecting too much, because the nurse made it clear to me that the doctor would not treat my for fertility issues until we had been trying for a year. We were just before ovulation of our 9th cycle. After talking with her though, she felt that since I had been tracking things so well, it was definitely worth moving forward. That day she did a transvaginal ultrasound and we made an appointment for a post ovulation progesterone draw. The ultrasound showed a fantastic 19mm follicule (the egg bursts through the follicule and is released) and she said, "Now is the time!" So that was good, it confirmed that I do ovulate on my own, which I really already knew because of my BBT monitoring. I came back a week later for my progesterone draw. Two days later the results came back normal, but I had already started my period for that cycle. On to cycle 10.

Cycle 10 I decided to take Vitamin B6 because I had read that it can help to increase my LP. I didn't ovulate that cycle until cycle day 24 (wow, most people are finishing their cycle). We timed everything perfectly!! Yay, we have a chance. Well, the B6 seemed to work, I had a 13 day LP (although I started spotting at 8 days past ovulation). I went ahead and called my doctor, and she felt like it was time to start Clomid 50 mg.

Cycle 11 I took 50mg of Clomid and my doctor was a little disappointed because I still only matured one follicule and she was hoping for at least two. So for cycle 12, she bump us up to 100mg of Clomid. All total, I have done 1 cycle with Clomid 50mg and 3 cycles with Clomid 100mg. With 100mg, I have matured 2 or three follicules every cycle, but still no hint of a BFP. Somewhere in there, we also did have a SA that came back perfect and a HSG that was normal as well.

Today is June 7th, 2009. We officially stopped birth control 18 months ago. DH travels a lot for work, so all the time I get the "it must be hard trying for a baby when your husband is never home" speech. Well, in 18 months, there was only one cycle that things could have been timed better, but even that cycle we had a chance. We are NTNP right now because we both emotionally and mentally just needed a break. Last cycle was the first NTNP and coincedentially, we timed everything PERFECTLY! So, AF should be leaving any time now. I am ready to get on with this next cycle (even though we are NTNP) ...
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  #2  
June 7th, 2009, 08:30 AM
~Caroline~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm glad that you're starting a journal Ash. I'm sorry you had to go through such a difficult time with losing Jason though.

I really hope you will be pregnant soon, you really deserve it.
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  #3  
June 7th, 2009, 08:38 AM
Ash Ash is offline
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Thanks, Caroline. You know, the whole situation totally sucked, but it made me who I am today. I have to thank God for that!
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  #4  
June 7th, 2009, 09:17 AM
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I shed some tears when I read about what you went through. Hoping the best for you and I hope your wishes come true....soon
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  #5  
June 7th, 2009, 09:22 AM
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Glad to see you have decided to join the ttc journals! You have been on quite a journey. I'm so sorry about your loss and the difficult time you went through. Glad you found a wonderful man to help you through that time. I really hope you get your little one soon. You deserve it!
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  #6  
June 7th, 2009, 09:22 AM
Ash Ash is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lee Ann View Post
I shed some tears when I read about what you went through. Hoping the best for you and I hope your wishes come true....soon
Ah, Lee Ann....you are too sweet! Thank you for your kind words.
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  #7  
June 7th, 2009, 09:37 AM
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OMG Ash! I really hope that you get your BFP soon! You absolutely deserve it after all that you have been through
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  #8  
June 7th, 2009, 10:00 AM
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I don't know if I knew you and Nate broke up before, but you were obviously meant to be together, you're so great as a couple. I will be following this, but I hope it turns into a pregnancy journal really soon
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  #9  
June 7th, 2009, 10:04 AM
fromustobaby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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WOW - Ash, I had no idea how much you had been through, I'm so sorry...
That being said, I'm glad that you and Nathan are together, and strong - he sounds wonderful...I hope that this craziness can end soon with a BFP - I will be following your journal!!
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  #10  
June 7th, 2009, 10:34 AM
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Ash you are such a strong person. I had tears while reading your journal not only because of your loss with Jason( I am sorry) but also because you found such a caring wonderful man.
I really hope you get your BFP soon after everything you have been through you deserve it.
I'm looking forward to what is in store for you honey and hope and pray it's all good.
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  #11  
June 7th, 2009, 01:36 PM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Like you about me, I knew most of your story, but not all of the details. You and Nathan are the best couple, and I'm so glad that you were led to each other. I really hope we can be posting pregnancy journals (rather than our ttc journals) together soon.
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Thank you brie_91 for this fabulous siggy!!
Our TTC journey: 6 cycles Clomid, lap surgery/ D&C, IUI, 2 x IVF; 33 cycles- BFN.
IVF#1 (March 2010) Transferred two 8-cell grade A (perfect) embies- BFN and heartbroken.

IVF#2/FET#1 (Jan/Feb 2011):Transferred two (7&8 cell) grade A (PERFECT) embies- BFN again.
March 2011- February 2012: On BCP due to endometriosis.

March 2012- taking a few months off of BCP and we are TTC naturally.
We will re-evaluate another IVF w/FET try in 2013.



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  #12  
June 7th, 2009, 02:18 PM
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It's funny how much we learn about each other while on JM, but I don't think I knew the whole story. Thank you for sharing with us.
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  #13  
June 8th, 2009, 01:50 PM
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Hey Ash!!!! Glad that we are TTC buddies! I was going to PM you, but I figured this is just as good How are things going?
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  #14  
June 8th, 2009, 01:56 PM
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Aww...Ash. I knew your general story but not all the details. I didnt know you lost your boyfriend in a car accident wow that must have been rough. I dont know if your a believer in everything happens for a reason, but I am and maybe that led you to your DH. I SO wish you would get your BFP very very soon. I have always been hoping for you, and I hope that it happens really soon!
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Cycle #1-9 - All Natural....5BFN's, 4BFP's (all ended in miscarriage)
Cycle #10-11 - Met with first RE, diagnosed with heterzygeous MTHFR mutation & slightly low SA on all counts. -BFN, Cycle #12 - First IUI+Trigger - BFN, Cycle #13 - BFN
Cycle #14-15 - Met with new RE, diagnosed with a blocked right tube that previous RE completely overlooked or didnt care to mention. Soy (120mg) - BFN
Cycle #16 - Clomid (100mg) - BFN, Cycle #17 - Clomid (100mg)+Trigger+IUI - BFN
Cycle #18 - Acupuncture+Clomid (100mg) - BFN
Cycle #19-27 - 2 Soy (160mg) cycles, the rest all natural also 30lbs lost!! - BFN's
Cycle #28 - New RE is GREAT! Put on bcp 7/6/11, Lap surgery 8/1/11- Tubal cyst (5cm) found and removed, Uterine Septum removed, and Stage II-III endo removed. Cycle #29 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle #30 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle#31 - All Natural - BFN, DONE TTC FOR NOW




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  #15  
June 8th, 2009, 02:02 PM
Ash Ash is offline
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Going good, Chrissy. Nothing overly exciting going on. I am on CD 8, I think. Since we are NTNP, I haven't really been keeping up. DH is out of town, but will be back on Thursday...YAY!! I also found out that his project that was supposed to happen next week got bumped, so he will be home all next week. Double YAY!! And conincedentially, that is probably when I will O! Triple YAY! I am at work right now (shhhh, don't tell anyone), then I have boot camp tonight, then home and sleep because I have boot camp again in the morning (at 5 am).
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  #16  
June 8th, 2009, 02:06 PM
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Sounds very busy!! CD 9 for me and absolutley nothing exciting going on here either. YAY for DH being home during O!!!! I was thinking about NT/NP over the summer to take some of the stress of TTC away, but I am going to wait to see how all of our testing goes. Have fun at boot camp!!
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  #17  
June 8th, 2009, 02:18 PM
♥Ashley♥'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Whoa! Boot camp at 5am? Your a trooper!!
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Cycle #1-9 - All Natural....5BFN's, 4BFP's (all ended in miscarriage)
Cycle #10-11 - Met with first RE, diagnosed with heterzygeous MTHFR mutation & slightly low SA on all counts. -BFN, Cycle #12 - First IUI+Trigger - BFN, Cycle #13 - BFN
Cycle #14-15 - Met with new RE, diagnosed with a blocked right tube that previous RE completely overlooked or didnt care to mention. Soy (120mg) - BFN
Cycle #16 - Clomid (100mg) - BFN, Cycle #17 - Clomid (100mg)+Trigger+IUI - BFN
Cycle #18 - Acupuncture+Clomid (100mg) - BFN
Cycle #19-27 - 2 Soy (160mg) cycles, the rest all natural also 30lbs lost!! - BFN's
Cycle #28 - New RE is GREAT! Put on bcp 7/6/11, Lap surgery 8/1/11- Tubal cyst (5cm) found and removed, Uterine Septum removed, and Stage II-III endo removed. Cycle #29 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle #30 - All Natural - BFN, Cycle#31 - All Natural - BFN, DONE TTC FOR NOW




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  #18  
June 8th, 2009, 02:37 PM
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Thank you for sharing all of your story, Ashley! Sounds like you have been through some very tough times but have a wonderful man that has helped you through it!

Looking forward to reading more updates.
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  #19  
June 8th, 2009, 02:56 PM
MarinaAndCharlie'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yay for your DH coming home around O time! Ashley is right, you are definately a trooper to get up at 5am for boot camp!
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  #20  
June 8th, 2009, 04:31 PM
ca_dawson's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm so glad you started a journal Ash! I'm so sorry for your loss and that your journey has taken so long. I hope this journey comes to an end soon and yall get blessed with a little miracle!
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