Heather's journal

baby:mama · #1 June 7th, 2009, 02:54 PM

Today is Sunday June 7th. I am on my 24 CD and am 10 DPO. I have been taking 2% natural progesterone cream since 14 CD. Today I am experiencing light headedness, very sore and itchy BBs (put cold cloth on them) they are not swollen as they typically get before AF, still have elevated temp, cramping this AM but has ceased after a couple of hours. My face has not broken out like it typically does. I am not sure how much of this is due to the progesterone cream. I know that from other posters that it does raise temp, cause cramping, and sore breasts. I am trying not to get excited about anything. I started to cry this AM when I felt the cramping because I knew AF would not be far. There is still no spotting.

Ash · #2 June 7th, 2009, 06:34 PM

Fingers crossed that this is it for you!!

KDD · #3 June 7th, 2009, 06:58 PM

Hi Heather. Thanks for starting a journal so we can all keep up with your journey. Good luck with this cycle!

baby:mama · #4 June 8th, 2009, 12:46 PM

Bad day today! I have been cramping all day and when I went to the potty noticed very light tinge of brown. This sucks!!! For lack of better words. I have a child in my class that when she does not get her way she shouts "that's not no fair!!" and crosses her little arms and stomps off Well ladies...... THAT'S NOT NO FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am soooo tired of other people saying if you just give up trying so hard that it will happen!!! Yeah thanks for that. I am sooo discouraged because we are a little older, I am 33 my DH is 38. He also has health issues. He had a kidney transplant when he was 18. His kidney is functioning at 23% now. I just worry that something is going to happen to him and I will be left with nothing but memories and no little piece of him.
I have always wanted to be a mommy and I just don't understand why it has to be soooo hard, Why can't it just be as easy as going to "the walmart" picking up a can of impregnate me and drinking it down to wake up the next morning with a baby already implanted??
I know I am crazy, but 1 year of trying with no results is getting to me. I just don't know how to be positive!!

Coley · #5 June 8th, 2009, 01:19 PM

Light brown spotting can be a good thing... so you never know!! Stay positive and KUP!!

Good Luck!

chrissy323 · #6 June 8th, 2009, 02:10 PM

I agree with Nikki! You're not out yet! Sorry that you are having such a rough time right now! I recently hit the dreaded 1 year mark as well

Also, sorry to hear about DH's health issues! I really hope that this spotting is IB and that you get your BFP

baby:mama · #7 June 8th, 2009, 04:45 PM

Thanks for the words of encouragement. The cramping has eased off!! I have my fingers crossed. There has been no more spotting. It is hard to be optimistic when I fear the big disappointment that may lie ahead!!!

baby:mama · #8 June 9th, 2009, 12:33 PM

Ok, so really long day at work!! The kids go for half a day tomorrow, which I am super excited about. I am still noticing some light brown discharge. The cramps have not been around today. One boob is still sore and my temp is still up. I think the progesterone is trying to hold off AF as much as possible but she is charging on through making her presence known. One of the moms at school, who knows I am trying to conceive stopped me this morning and I just broke down in tears. She was asking what all I was doing. I just feel so helpless. Everything seems fine as far as cycle is concerned. It is 28 days. My moods and PMS has improved with Evening Primrose Oil and Progesterone cream. I am ovulating because I feel it each month. She told me to have my thyroid checked. I feel like I am a car that is having an overhaul, slap me up on the lift and check er out. lol At least I can laugh about it now. I just want to give my husband a child and my mother in law (who is not doing very well battling brain cancer) a grandchild from her only son. We spent the day with her on Saturday and I was so emotionally drained. Again I felt helpess. I don't like that feeling.
Anyway I am going to focus on our anniversary coming up. 3 years on 6/24. I don't know how we will celebrate, I would love drive down to the coast for the day.
I promise I will come out of my bummer mood after AF comes and goes!!! She always ticks me off!!!

baby:mama · #9 June 10th, 2009, 01:58 PM

The kids finished up today at 11:30 and I spent the afternoon cleaning up the aftermath. Boy were they wild today. But I finish up my 2 workdays this week and then get a month vacation before going back for summer school.

I've been in pretty good spirits today. AF is playing tricks. She acted as if she was coming full on today then ended up just spotting. I hate those months. I wish she would come do what she has to and leave. As soon as I start a full on flow I am gonna call my GYN and schedule the "its been a year, so now what" appointment.

DH was as upset as I was yesterday about AF so he decided to drink his pain away..... It was not such a good idea!!! He had trouble getting motivated today.

baby:mama · #10 June 15th, 2009, 04:43 AM

School's out for summer!!!!!! I am going to keep myself busy this summer, I have lot's of walks planned to get my weight down and home improvement stuff. The best thing I can do is to keep my mind off of getting pregnant. I have been really obsessing about it the last 3 months. My DH is calling today to get an appointment to check out how the medication has affected his sperm count. I hope trhat there is something they can do. I want to have a little Cholly running around this house.

My AF only stayed around for 3 1/2 days she usually stays for 5 sometimes 6. I wonder if it was the progesterone that has messed with that. My flow was not as heavy. It makes me wonder if that is a good or bad thing. Did this month's lining fully get expunged?? If anyone has any thoughts on this let me know.

Enjoy the summer ladies!! I know I am going to.

baby:mama · #11 June 15th, 2009, 07:07 PM

DH has an appointment with his Primary Care Physician on Thursday. He called his urologist and they said that they don't do that, and transferred him over to the reproductive center and they said we only do females. So he was frustrated, I got frustrated and I just called his PCP and told them what we were wanting and they scheduled the time. I hope we get good news and his meds are not affecting his sperm count.

baby:mama · #12 June 17th, 2009, 05:03 PM

Got out of the house today and went to the new IKEA store in Charlotte NC. OMG I totally loved it. They had the cutest baby rooms. The bedding was beyond cute. And the prices are really reasonable. I am thinking if we get our miracle I will be purchasing a room. I love their organization. I am a total bin person. I wish I had more in my classroom!! We also went to the Bass Pro Shop. Man those boats were nice. Got me wishing for a day on the lake!!

chrissy323 · #13 June 17th, 2009, 06:20 PM

YAY for school being out! I hope DH's medicine is not messing with his little spermies! Good luck

baby:mama · #14 June 18th, 2009, 12:04 PM

What a lazy day today! I am going to be offline a few days. My brother and his wife are going out of town and I am dog and house sitting for them. They have a pool and it is out in the country away from all the hustle and bustle. I am taking my wine, a book, and am going to relax. I want to know what it feels like to be a lady of leisure for a few days!!! I am also coming up on that important BDing time. DH is gonna join me there on Friday. Maybe a change of scenery and no stress for me will help!!
I ordered those softcups you use to help get the swimmers close to the cervix. I was hoping they would be in so I could pack those for this weekend.
DH goes to the Doctor this afternoon. How long do we have to wait for test results? I am really hoping that we can find out soon and the news be positive.
Thanks to all of you guys. You are really a great group. You help everyone stay so positive in tough situations! It is nice to have an outlet for all my baby thoughts when my friends who are not in baby mode don't want to hear it!!!

baby:mama · #15 June 22nd, 2009, 08:13 PM

I did a bad thing today...... I bought a new car. I have been feeling so sad and just lack of enthusiasm for anything lately. I found myself looking around on line for anything but baby info or TTC info and happened across the Toyota website. I saw something I liked so I went to see what kind of deal they could do for me and they worked me up a deal I could not refuse!! lol I got a 2009 Corolla Sport. It is silver, sunroof, cruise, automatic transmission, rear spoiler. I hope that driving around in this will give me a little satisfaction and take my mind off of making a baby.

Another thing that has brought me down is that my mother in law is not doing very well at all. My husband broke down today. He is having such a hard time dealing with this. I don't know what I can do or say to help him. He is sooooo close to his mom. She gave him the kidney 20 years ago when he had his transplant. She has been is rock and now she is loosing her battle with cancer. I am so scared that if we do lose her that DH will just shut down and lose his zest for life. I can't even imagine what he is going through because my mom is my best friend too and if I had to watch her deteriorate before my eyes, it would kill me too.
We just need a miracle!!!

baby:mama · #16 June 24th, 2009, 06:18 AM

Last night was so fun chatting!! I had never done that before. It made you guys seem real rather than just random posters from all over. I have a feeling that this is not my cycle. I woke up craving chocolate and something salty. That screams AF for me. So I had potato chips and chocolate icecream for breakfast. Now I don't feel too hot but it was good at the time.

Today is my 3rd wedding anniversary. We were hoping last month we would have gotten our BFP so we could have announced that we were pregnant today to our families. But best laid plans..... I am feeling less distressed by all of this. I realize that baby may not be in our future. We have the odds stacked against us. His health and age my weight etc.

I wrote that with no tears no sense of despairation, so I guess I am getting better emotionally. I'm gonna keep thoughts of TTC in the back of my mind but I want to go back to living again. Not worrying about everything I do and if it could cause me not to conceive. I'm gonna drink my Pepsi, have my wine, have weird twinges in my abdomen and not question whether it is a sign of pregnancy!!

I just wanted to get all that out. Gotta go do some house cleaning and get a dinner plan in progress.

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MommaLee · #17 June 24th, 2009, 06:35 AM

A breakfast for champions, huh!

Keep your chin up....you'll get there.

And Happy Anniversary!!! Any big plans?

baby:mama · #18 June 25th, 2009, 05:48 PM

I am really sad about the news of Farrah and Michael. I had really hoped that Farrah would have found her miracle and come through this. It is soo sad to watch someone you love deteriorate before your eyes. We are doing that with my mother in law. The only thing I recognize anymore are her eyes. I wish they could find the cure and all this needless suffering could end. So many good people have to fall prey to such a horrible disease.

chrissy323 · #19 June 25th, 2009, 06:20 PM

So sorry to hear about your Mother in law

SO glad that your DH has you to help get him through this difficult time! Good luck with everything sweetie

baby:mama · #20 June 29th, 2009, 04:32 PM

I am feeling sooo bad today. I have a headache, my boobs feel like they are going to fall off, my joints ache. I hope that I am not getting sick. I remember my boobs hurting last month because of progesterone but not like this.
We are going to go to the beach on Friday. If AF does show she will ruin my vacation. She makes me feel so bad some months that I don't know if I will be able to go onto the beach.
I am already wishing I could go back to school. I miss teaching. Crazy huh.
Tomorrow I will be 9 DPO but I will not test until it gets closer to AF time. Around Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. I am trying not to feel anything so I won't be disappointed. Easier said than done.