[CutlassDiva]

Hello everyone...so I am going to start journalling here as this is a place away from close friends and family that I can just release...I can be crazy excited about something I may not want everyone in my life to know and I can be pissed at those close to me...

and you ladies are so crazy supportive that I would love to share my thoughts with you all...

so, who am I. My name is Paula, DH is Jason. We met on the internet Nov 2001, met in person Aug of 2002 and Married Oct 2005. We have two adorable kitties, Winston a lynx point siamese and Katrina a mostly black Calico.

We just wrapped up our 6th cycle TTC and I had my hopes up really high. Our timing was GREAT....which was the first cycle we had that kind of timing and my temps were looking really good but still ended with a BFN.

This cycle hit me hard, emotions I am still dealing with right now. My grandfather (only grandparent left on my side) is in the hospital and will not return home. He is dying of bone cancer and was trying to hold out until a great grandchild but will not make it...on top of that my SIL (who is 22, without a place to live the end of the month, working maybe 3 days a week with a kinda loser BF) is pregnant again (she miscarried in Dec) and won't tell us. She drops a lot of cryptic hints and told a ton of loser friends and distant family but won't tell her brothers and SIL. This hurts me beyond it all...I have tried to be close to her...and just get slapped in the face....

so today I am trying to pick myself up...and start a new day...and put SIL behind me for now...

[MommaLee]

Hi Paula! I wish you lots of luck on your ttc journey. I'm sorry for what you are going through with your family (hugs)!

[<>*NaYoMi_BaBy_Dreamer*<>]

just wanted to say hello...glad to see your 16dop hope you get your and start a pregnancy journey.

[CutlassDiva]

Journal day two....so this morning I ended up with a curve ball...I woke up an hour late (forgot to set my alarm as DH was working from home today) and my temp went way up from the day before...and I am still brown spotting but not as much as I have been previoiusly...I just want my body to decide what it wants to do....if I am pregnant stop the scary spotting stuff and bring my temps back where they should be...if not...let AF show so I can start to plan for the next cycle....

[denalibear]

Hey Paula! Glad you started a journal! It was nice talking to ya in chat!

Good luck this cycle...Lucky #7!

[chrissy323]

Hey Paula! YAY for journaling! Have a great week!!!

[Coley]

Hi Paula! Congrats on starting a journal. I've found it to be very cathartic... you can vent when you wanna vent, be excited when you wanna be excited and not be judged for it.

I look forward to getting to know you better! Good Luck!

[CutlassDiva]

What a last week an a half.....I think I have been on a huge roller coaster of emotions and feelings and hopefully I can get off of it soon....

So the reason I have been MIA for awhile here was due to my Grandfather passing away a week ago. He was fighting diagnosised bone cancer for about a month and went downhill really really fast. I am pretty sure he kinda knew what was going on,but was just to stubborn to get seen at the VA.
Last week was full of my family at my house (9 of us total...too much for our house), dealing with funeral stuff and starting to work on Grandpa's house to go thru stuff and get ready for sale, and then having IL over for dinner last night after my family left....

Last night at the end of the night SIL finally spilled her guts and told us she is pregnant again . She is 22, working maybe 3 days a week, with no where to live right now exept for either moving in with her parents or BF's parents (they don't know yet)....I am hoping we can move past my being a little envious of her being pregnant and her mooching and accepting special treatment from her parents because she is "the baby" and "daddy's little girl". We are going out to dinner Wed night and I hope that goes well....

[denalibear]

Im so sorry to hear about your grandpa ***Big Hug*** and then having to hear about SIL being PG probably made it worse....sometimes everything happens at once....I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[denalibear]

Im so sorry to hear about your grandpa ***Big Hug*** and then having to hear about SIL being PG probably made it worse....sometimes everything happens at once....I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[denalibear]

Im so sorry to hear about your grandpa ***Big Hug*** and then having to hear about SIL being PG probably made it worse....sometimes everything happens at once....I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[denalibear]

Im so sorry to hear about your grandpa ***Big Hug*** and then having to hear about SIL being PG probably made it worse....sometimes everything happens at once....I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[denalibear]

Im so sorry to hear about your grandpa ***Big Hug*** and then having to hear about SIL being PG probably made it worse....sometimes everything happens at once....I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[Coley]

Ain't that the truth?! When it rains... it pours, eh?

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather's passing. (((((HUGS)))))

Hopefully things will start to settle down for you. As for SIL... not much I can say about that. I know it seems unfair, but try to trust that when the timing is right, things will fall into place for you. That's what I keep telling myself, and it's kept me sane so far.